I am so very sorry.
I have cried all day
I will say this have a cup of tea and ask what would your wife say or do in your situation.
Then cry your heart out
Here’s hoping to better days ahead!
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Hi mark ,
Ohh , that would be hard to deal with , something you would have normally been looking forward to , turning into emotional wreckage .
I’ve had a bad day too . The ‘grief bull ‘ has floored me several times today . Named it a bull cos it feels like I’ve been hit by one . Nothing in particular has set me off , other than I’ve had a couple of quiet days , so knew a meltdown was due .
See how you feel tomorrow re meeting your friends . I’m sure they’ll understand if you get emotional or you decide you can’t face it . You can always leave if it gets too much , it do what is best for you .
I’ve got a challenge tomorrow also - Jeff and I had an allotment and it’s the spring fayre tomorrow . Normally Jeff ( the chairman ) would be organising and manning food stalls and I would be manning plant stalls . I’m going up with an old friend who has an allotment there too - seeing how I manage . We have an escape plan if I can’t cope with it.
It’s going to be a rollercoaster ride , and you just need to be gentle with yourself , go with your feelings there’s no avoiding them .
Let us know how you get on x
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Hi cat ,
I’ve cried ( sobbed) all day too . Bad day today
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Mark, it is early days for you, so anything will set you off. It’s 12 weeks for me today and while I still cry my eyes out at the slightest things, there are less to set me off. Letters arriving for Jackie were a big thing that set me off, particularly marketing stuff.
I took time to ring the companies up and explained Jackie had passed and they were quite apologetic and junk mail for her has mostly disappeared.
I play guitar and sing at local jam sessions and got persuaded by a friend to go out 2 weeks after she had passed. For me, it was awful. I got too emotional playing one of my songs inspired by her and had to stop. I wish I hadn’t gone.
I went out with some friends for a meal last Sunday and I hated it. It really depends on the person. If you find it helps, go, if not don’t
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I am sorry this is Hell
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My wife was due to run a stall today for the charity she volunteered for. Couldn’t face going knowing that someone else would be where she should be. They’ve found a heather called Amanda, my wife’s name, and are going to plant it in their garden. She loved working outdoors with her hands and knowing they are doing this to remember her is humbling. Knowing others are missing her too is a strange comfort of sorts. She also did lots of craft things and made jewellery as a hobby. Still have to tackle through her craft room for that but it can wait till I’m ready. It’s the personal things that made her her that hit the most. Thanks for letting me rant. I hope you all find the comfort we desire through sharing such a painful experience with others who understand the heartache.
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It is hell, but you will learn to live with it. Keep chatting to people here and see a bereavement counsellor. I have my third appointment next week.
For me chatting to strangers helps more than friends and family.
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I’ll look out for the heather , plants are my thing ( when I get the motivation back ) . Amanda sounds like a wonderful person . Would you like to share what happened to her ? May help you process it ? If not don’t worry .
Our allotment committee are going to sort a community spirit award for the members in Jeffs name - that is a lovely thought isn’t it . People are kind in the main .
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It is cat , i second johnr’s advice and try and see a counsellor , I’ve been twice for a 1-1 and I do think it helps . You can say things to them that you can’t say to family or friends .
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Exactly and my sessions are on the NHS, so no charge.
Mine through the local hospice. Jeff was there in his final couple of days . Free too. Feels a bit strange to begin with doesn’t it ?
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It does but she’s a lovely lady so will keep on with the sessions until she throws me out
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Manda had a bit of a sore throat on the Friday and a cough Saturday and Sunday. Just symptoms of a head cold. Monday she got up and was sat talking. Later in the evening she said was tired from coughing through the night so was going to bed early. I told her to bang on the floor if she needed anything. She babged about 30 minutes later and when I went up she was struggling to breath and sweating. I called the ambulance and they came and said she needed to go to hospital. They put her in the ambulance and closed the doors. The ambulance started bouncing and one of the paramedics told me she was in cardiac arrest. I felt helpess just watching the ambulance bouncing as they worked on her. We rushed to the hospital and they took her into A&E and me in a waiting room. The doctor came and explained her heart was only working now because of the machines. They took me to see her and I held and kissed her hand repeatedly begging her not to leave me. They said her condition was unservivable and asked to swith off the machine. They said she was in no pain, which she always suffered from due to her health issues. As they turned the machine off my world slipped away. I hope she knew she wasn’t alone at the end.
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Hi
My partner died of cardiac arrest.
I done cpr 30 mins waiting on the ambulance.
When paramedics came I kept asking was he breathing they said working on it
I was told to make my way to hospital.
It was then the doctor called me and said my partner was still in cardiac arrest.
I was told he went quick.
I am unsure
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So sorry, such a trauma for you . I think when it’s sudden like that you just go into shock . I certainly did .
Jeff was feeling a ‘ bit poorly ‘ for a couple of weeks at the beginning of February . Headache , flu like symptoms , then he got up Saturday morning and passed out on the bathroom floor unconscious . Taken to local hospital after regaining consciousness and given scan etc . He’d had a bleed on the brain , but he was conscious and still joking with the staff up until 9pm that night when he had a massive seizure while waiting for an operation . He went into a coma which he never recovered from . They did operate , but after 5 weeks of him not regaining consciousness they said there was nothing more they could do and was little brain activity . A week later he died in the local hospice .
It’s so hard to understand what has happened to begin with , the shock and trauma takes over . I still wake up sometimes thinking he’s just downstairs making coffee .
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That’s sounds horrible cat , again a traumatic loss . You did all you could to save him . It sounds very raw for you.
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It feels like timestands still but my wife went quick. Knowing that she felt no pain helps but I think I’ll feel the pain forever. I hope you can get through this but know at the moment that seems impossible. I’ve found myself talking more openly to people on here than I can ever be to people I know. If they ask how I am I tell them “coping” but in reality I’m a mess. Male bravado I guess. Please rant as much as you need. I’ve found everyone here to be so understanding of my feelings as we are all goi g through it.
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It is. I wish more than anything that this was just a bad nightmare.
My partner lost his vision 10 years ago
I still think I hear him calling me
It was the first time ever we were looking forward to next year
We were together 21 years
Finally we said we will get married next summer
I can’t talk to people yet, when I try I just start sobbing.
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Everyone on her has been a God Send just to know people know exactly how you feel
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That’s normal - I couldn’t talk to anyone in person for quite a while , still can’t sometimes . I rely on WhatsApp or messages when I’m struggling . My friends know this so understand .
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