Yes
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
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I am the same Janette, I found my husband in his chair, when I got up to go to work. I was, and still am, in shock. I still can’t believe it is real, how on earth could he just leave, no goodbyes? I try to get through each day, as best I can, but inside, I am dead too. The pain is unbearable at times, but I have to carry on for my family.
Much love to all going through this awful trauma xx
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I agree. It’s 2 months for me now and it’s one of the reasons i want to move back to the UK from Portugal. I prefer to meet strangers rather than a big group of acquaintances where you just know everyone is aware.
Moving on I cannot accept at 67 I will live alone for the rest of my life. Already desperately missing that close companionship.
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I’m older, but still lonely. I hope when I move back to Wales, i can at least find companionship
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Just had a call with the funeral date confirmation. June 19th 10:30am. It’s real. Not a dream. I hope I can cope and not let her down. 
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Hi Mark
You won’t let her down , doesn’t matter how much you cry it just shows how much you love her . All you can do is get through the day as best you can .
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Mark you will cope. It’s tough, but you can do it.
I am in the middle of a sob now. 
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Hi Mark,
It’s hard,but you can do it and you will do her proud.
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I thought I wouldn’t make it through the day of the funeral Mark but I did. So will you. Trust me.
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Sending love, Mark. It will be a difficult day, but you will get through it.
I didn’t think I would manage at all with Marks funeral, I just wanted to hide away, but I did, and I was proud that our children all coped so well. xx
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Mark,
My wife of 35Years passed away unexpectedly on 21st March this year and yes I fully appreciate and understand how you feel at the moment. Like you I am in a mess whilst telling people that I am coping.
I am sobbing my heart out as I write this. You really will cope, I assure you and you will do her proud. I wrote and read out at Angela’s funeral her eulogy which was unbelievably hard. Yes I cried as I read it out but that just showed to everyone how much I loved her.
Wishing you all the best you will getr through it I promise you.
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Having another bad day. Sorted though some of my wife’s things yesterday and felt drained today so not done anything. Suddenly had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to get out the house so went for a drive. Nowhere in particular but found myself passing places we’d called in. Farm shop for coffee, restaurants we’d been for meals etc. Wednesday was always date night where we would just drive until we saw somwhere we thought looked nice. It hit me that I’ll never be able to go places like this with her again. I don’t want to be in the house and everywhere I go is where we went as a couple. I feel trapped in my own hell with no way out. I feel like disappearing and never coming back. Even thought if I drive into a tree at least we could be together. It scares me that I could think like that. It’s only the thought of her being angry at me for this that I didn’t do it. My life feels over, Am I going insane with grief? Is there any future alone? I just want to scream and turn the clock back.
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Mark, I am trying to think of the wonderful life I had for more than 52 years with my Darling. She had Parkinson’s and wanted to go before me. I had thought that we had quite a few years left, but that was not to be. I am glad she got her wish ( but it was to soon ) as I would not want her to go through this and it would have been so much harder for her as I had been her carer for 20 odd years and she would not have been able to cope on her own. Remembering being sat on the bed in maternity choosing the name of our daughter. Happy times.
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Hi Mark ,
No you’re not going insane , you are still in the very early days of and your mind will be all over the place right now . I’ve had feelings like this too, it’s not unusual . I sometimes think I’ll throw myself down the stairs , but of course I don’t . One piece of advice my counsellor gave me on the first visit , was not to think too far into the future, just take one hour , one day at a time . It’s too early to see what your life is going to be like when you’re deep in loss . Maybe sorting your wife’s things out was a trigger ? it’s very soon to be doing that .
I’ve been following a woman called Megan Devine , she’s a grief therapist , but she speaks from experience. You can find her on FB and she has lots of stuff on You tube . She is a yank , but she does talk a lot of sense , she talks about the early days and how she felt she was going crazy . Also see if you can get some counselling sessions from the NHS , I really think talking to someone who’s impartial helps . Also talk to your friends/ family tell them how you’re feeling . No male bravado
Sending hugs . Keep talking .
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Hello Mark
I feel exactly the same, sometimes I think I am going insane.
Today is exceptionally awful for me, I physically feel sick with the grief.
We used to do the same on “date nights” rode around looking for somewhere comfortable with a good ambience.
How I wish I could have another chance to be with my husband, to go back to the days before it happened and see him again.
I am sorry, but I cannot give you any advice on how to carry on, because I have no answers, I just hope that your pain will get easier as the days pass, and maybe you will have some better days.
Sending love xx
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So sorry for your loss @Mark71.
I lost my wife 8 months ago so, many of the heart-breaking things you have said resonate with me.
I found writing a grief journal has helped me. My head was, and to a lesser degree still is, a chaotic place where unwelcome thoughts circulate endlessly. Writing down my feelings, thoughts and fears helps me get some of these thoughts out of head and into print. It also lets me see where I am on my grief journey.
It’s early days for you but there will come a time in the coming weeks and months when you will need some periods of respite from all the grief. After two months of self isolation, I started going out for walks/coffee/lunch with friends, doing a pub quiz every Sunday and I took up pickleball which I play 2 or 3 times a week. It wasn’t easy and I had to force myself to do it but I soon found out that these were times when thoughts of my beloved wife were pushed to the back of my mind for an hour or two. This has restored some sort of balance to my life. Don’t get me wrong, thoughts of my wife come flooding back when I get back home and I spend time on my own but the point is that I have created some precious time for myself when I can think of something other than my grief.
Hope this makes sense to you.
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It’s the nights that are the worst. Too quiet to sleep and she’s not next to me to turn round and hug. She gave the best hugs. Everything felt safe and calming. No sound of her breathing gently in my ear, I even miss the sound of her snore if she slept on her back.
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I am so sorry I am in this Hell too.
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I know what you mean @Mark71. The silence is deafening. I’m still trying to adjust to living in an empty house where the only human noises I hear are mine. It’s not easy when you’ve spent a lifetime with someone and become accustomed to their presence. I had an old friend staying with me recently. He is the first person to stay in the house since my wife was admitted to hospital in September 2024. It was quite strange hearing the sound of someone else in the house after eight months of silence. I didn’t realise how much I missed the sound of another human being in the house. It’s not just the sound of a voice that’s so comforting and reassuring, it’s all the little sounds; like the creaking of a floorboard, the sound of a tap running or the sound of a door closing. The house is so incredibly quiet when you’re on your own.
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Hi Mark
I lost my wife at the end of January so i can really relate to what is happening for you. Does it get easier? It gets different and, for myself i try to follow the advice that I find here and from other sources. I make the effort to get out of bed at 8.00 and do 30 minutes of exercise followed by a shower then breakfast. If I have the energy I do some tidying in the house, or I just sit in a recliner and either look at my phone or have a doze. I always go out for lunch as it makes a break in the day. The rest of the day follows, broken down into different chunks, some paperwork, reading a book, making dinner, watching telly.
Reading the experience of people who lost their spouse several years ago they say it gets different. It will always be a huge loss but we can learn to function.
I really wish you well my friend.
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