Mark I too can relate to how you are feeling, having lost my darling Angela, partner for 37 years wife for 35 of those, in March this year.
I have been struggl;ing since then especially in the evenings, when there is no one to talk to. but on Tuesday morning I spoke to an adviser at Suicide and Co who are there to help those of us who are bereaved but suicide. She said to me "When people speak to you about Angela, is the conversation nearly always about her death and how you are coping? To which I replied yes.
“Have you ever thought about changing that so that you talk about the good times you shared with Angela?” and she was so right.
Tuesday afternoon one of the villagers called in on me to see how I was coping ‘the joys of living in a small rural village’ So I invited her in and she saw the many photographs of Angela that I now have on display, and started asking about them “Angela looks lovely here, where was this taken?” “Thats a lovely photo, who is the baby she is holding” and other such comments.
This approach wass great and I found myself talking about Angela with a smile on my face. Bringing back these memories and talking about them really made me feel happier. The neighbour stayed for an hour or so and is hopefully coming back soon.
Yes I still miss Angela desperately and cry alot, But talking about the good memories, which we all have, really gave me a happy boost. Hopefully this is of some support to you Mark and, of course, all the others using this site in their grief.
Such a good idea to remember the good times. My wife had ms for 25 years which we dealt with very well. The last few months of her dying were very hard but against that we had 46 years of a glorious life together and i often look at one of our photos from those good times and remember just how lovely it was and how lucky we were to share those wonderful times. There’s truth in the saying “experience isn’t what happens to you, experience is what you do with what happens to you”
I have several large photos in the house, including this one from a couple of days after we married in 67. It’s on the wall above my side of the bed, so first thing I see when I get up. I say good morning Jackie every day to her.
Thank you all for the kindness and words of comfort. I think today went well. Everyone said it was a beautiful service and she would have loved all the fellow bikers there for her. Her work colleagues and mine were there as well, and my oldest friend who had known Manda since we met. The service captured Amanda’s personality and spirit. I’m still numb but appreciate the support from everyone. I think I’ve done her proud.
Hi Nightwish1, thanks for the message. I think I’m doing ok. Still numb and have to remember it’s not a terrible dream, but I feel a kind of relief that everything went well yesterday and realising how much friends care. It’s a bit overwhelming as I’ve always dealt with things myself but will ask them if needed as that was something Manda always urged me to do. Not sure how I’m going to function without her but as long as I ask myself “what would Manda say” I’ll get it right. Hope you’re doing ok and always here for a chat if needed. Thanks again for reaching out, it is very much appreciated.
Just had an abusive message from Manda’s so called half brother. Told them there was no funeral service because she didn’t want them there and they’ve heard about the funeral going ahead. I was only doing as she wished but this has got me really angry. They haven’t spoken to her in years and basically disowned her following her mums passing 20 years ago. Blocked them from all social media etc. as I don’t need them as they didn’t need her. Just want to be left alone with my memories and to grieve.
Thanks Cat 6, it’s the way it was worded that got to me. They were never happy when we married and blanked Manda when she needed family to be there. No contact from them until Manda passed and then tried with the “she’s our sister and step daughter” so we’re coming to the funeral. That’s why I told them no service as saying she didn’t want you there felt wrong. I couldn’t let them come after the way they treat her in the past and thought this was the best way. I knew some people would be upset with our the decision but it was what Manda wanted and that’s what counted.
