Managed to sort paperwork out today for all household bills and bank accounts. Registered Manda’s passing yesterday, which was so difficult to face. Sat in the car and broke down, realising it was so final. She’s not going to walk through the door again. Or be there when I wake up. Funeral on the 19th to get through next. Gave the funeral director the clothes she needs to wear. No shoes though, she loved to walk around barefoot. Hated having to wear anything on her feet. Also has one of her hedgehog ornaments to be with her. She loved the prickly little buggers. I would come home from work and she had that silly grin which meant there was another one added to her collection and I had to guess which one. That always made her laugh as I scrutinised them to guess. I always knew but never let on. I’m so going to miss that smile. Celebrant reading sorted and songs that meant so much to us to be played. Bike escort by my club members to show their respect for her. She was our unofficiall patch sower on. How I wish we could go on a bike ride together. She always enjoyed that. The memories come flooding back of the adventures we had. Going to end there and reminisce. Sorry for going on but it helps me to put down what I can’t yet speak in person without crying. I’m doing that as I type but at least I’m not being seen as I am.
It’s so sad Mark
Talking on this site helps, there’s so many of us facing an heartbreaking future, we know the pain and fear of being without the one we love.
You have managed to get a lot done, I cry every time I have to ring someone concerning Marks passing. I had a phone call today that I had to make, Mark was waiting to have a cataract done, I missed the call on his phone from the hospital. I couldn’t hold it together on the phone, explaining that he had died.
Take care.
Sending love xx
I know I’ve done so much today that I’m going to have a bad day tomorrow, it needed to be done. Reading through the celebrant service had me sobbing but they have captured Amanda’s essence in the words they’ve written. When they mentioned my step daughter it brought back the heartache of her choice to cut us out of her life several years ago and that of our grandchild believing all the lies her partner told her. She’s the only link I have left to my wife but she hasn’t even contacted me even though she knows about her mother’s passing. I doubt she’ll even attend the funeral but she is part of my wife and deserves that recognition. I’m truly alone in my grief and will have to go through it without her. That’s why I’m so thankful for this group. Everyone understands the pain as we all go through this horrific journey. The people at the bank and household services were very understanding about the difficulties I had discussing everything over the phone for which I’m grateful. I did and know I will break down while talking about my wife to people, but it’s something we all have to face at some time. We will get through this. It will never be the same but we cannot let this beat us. Our partners wouldn’t want us to give in. Take care and keep talking on here. It certainly helps me feel less alone in this.
Mark, I am sure that you will do your wife proud tomorrow. Please be kind to yourself. I am sure your Amanda is willing you on. Hope it all goes well. sending you a big hug.
I am so glad that you are getting comfort and help from this site
It’s awful that your step-daughter has not communicated, surely she will go to the funeral of her Mother.
Sometimes people can be so harsh, and do not understand the pain they are causing, I hope she gets in touch and supports you through this awful grief.
You are not alone, there is always someone on here to talk to.
Goodnight, take care xx
I’ve arranged to go and see my wife tomorrow at the funeral parlour. I have so much I need to tell her. I know I’ll cry but it will be just me and her. She always listened to my troubles and had the right answers for me. I hope she’ll tell me I’m doing right by her and that she knows how much I miss her. I’ll visit as much as I can before her funeral on the 19th June. So we can say our goodbyes in private. The devastation is all becoming real. 
Mark71, you will be doing right by her. I had to do Sue’s funeral, she never said what she wanted,didn’t like to talk about. People said i did her proud. Laughed at a couple of stories and cried. We went into are first wedding dance song and finished with the last song i played her that night she went ghost love score by Nightwish hence my name. A strange song to finish with but her favourite.
I hope your vist is good, i did not fo that. I sat with her after they turned off the machines. Take care
Hi Mark. I thought I wouldn’t be able to cope with seeing my Sue but I was wrong. She looked quite serene and I was able to talk to her quite normally. It was the day before her funeral so her flowers were there. I put on her glasses and left a letter I had written her in her casket, together with a pen in her hand. I didn’t say goodbye because she hated goodbyes. I hope you find it a positive experience. Let me know if you can. Take care.
Just back from seeing Manda at the funeral parlour. She looked so peaceful as if asleep. It was hard seeing her laid there. I cried, I talked and even giggled a little knowing she would have done at some of the things I told her. Time flew by in the first time since she passed. It felt like she was listening to every word and her answers popped into my head instantly with that sly wit she always had. I’m going to see her again on Wednesday, the day before her funeral to say everything else so she’s upto date on things and give her a letter to keep. I’m truly glad that I went to talk, the last time I saw her was in hospital when she passed, but seeing her in her favourite dress and holding one of her hedgehog ornaments was strangely calming.
I’m glad it well. I hope it’s brought you some peace.
I too am glad it went well for you. Boy it is hard Mark but we have to stay strong for our loves.
Really struggling today. Wrote the father’s day card out and realised it’s only my name on it this year. The present for him was one of the last things Manda bought. She was always so organised and I relied on her so much for doing things. Started thinking about my step daughter and how she hasn’t even bothered contacting me about her mum. I’m feeling so alone with no links to my wife left from her side of the family. I’m truly alone in my grief and it’s so hard.
Hi Mark71,
You are not alone, people here understand what you are going through. I know all are paths are different. It is still very early for you. This is my first father’s day without my Dad or wife. So it feels a bit strange to me. I know writing a card is horrible, some people still put there partners name on it. I only do that for my mum as she has alzimers. Try and look after yourself, thats all we can do.
I am sorry. Do you want to chat?