We lost our son Scott aged 31 to suicide October 14th last yesr. I have so much to ask but something bothering me greatly is his mobile phone and what we should do ? Our family liason officer suggested we put it away in case we wanted any answers that could be found. I believe that Scott already left me what i needed to know by how he left his flat and belongings i also feel that he wouldn’t want me to upset myself further with overthinking and i believe his mobile phone should remain his personal possession llike a diary. I wondered if anyone has found this a question during the months after ?
Hi @Julie39 i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Scott. I lost my fiance Darren to suicide 6 weeks ago. Feels like the whole world is a different place now and that noone understands. Its hard to keep continuing when the situation makes you feel so isolated. I understand the mobile phone issue . I feel it has to be what feels right to you. Is there anyone you could trust to go through it on your behalf? As you say sometimes things should just be kept private and respected. Very difficult one. Sending love and strength to you.
Hi julie i lost my son sam to cancer 27 april 2021 he was 25 .i have his phone and his i pad .i like you will never open it . It was his personal stuff . He got his new phone the month before on his birthday .it would be horrible if you opened ut and it made you sad . Sam was private and that is how i feel .this life so cruel so sorry for your loss xxx
Hi lindsey so sorry for your loss always someone to talk to on here xxx
Hi Zoe, ohh im so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Sam. Heartbreaking.life can be so cruel , im so sorry. Thanks so much reaching out. Theres is nothing as painful as not having those we love with us. I feel like im in my own world right now. Darrens funeral was yesterday. My sister and my mum both died of cancer and im missing them too. Sending love.
Hi Linsey thankyou for your message. So sorry for your loss, still very raw for you I’m sure If anyone, i would ask my sister to look but I think i will keep it for now. My son was very private and he did open up to me in the weeks before he passed but not to the extent of me seeing what was to come! I’ve found the grief worse of late so if yiu need anyone I’m here
Thankyou for your message. Sorry for the love of your beloved son Sam, taken so soon in this way Scott was very private and i don’t think i will look, i feel that he told me as much as he wanted me to know. Can i ask if time eases the pain any ? We lose grandparents and close family but this grief is quite unbearable xx
If im truly honest at first i think its such a shock its trauma .nothing seems real .and you just cant stop the tears .i have to say i know his not coming back but its so real .although i function night times are worse sam lived at home he was my baby and the hurt is so intense. I try because he would hate me sad i have a daughter 30 and grandchildren if i didnt have them i really cant say they keep me sane everyones grief is different its a rollercoaster ride .and a sad place to be but we gave to learn to live beside it . But so painful sending you a hug xxx love zoe
Oh lindsey ny heart goes out to you .im not surprised your feeling lost so sorry about your family loss .i hope you have friends to help you always here night time too much love zoe
Thankyou Zoe, yes i find the evening worse. Days are busier with work and Scott has a 3 year old son that we spend the day with on Sundays which is lovely and sad all wrapped into one. My daughter also has a little boy whos 7 month, i don’t think i could cope without the grandchildren I’ve read a lot that we have to learn to live beside the grief. The sadness is quite overwheling though isn’t it xx
Its so cruel why people get dealt this terrible blow . How long since you lost your son . Theres no words and i get angry and people dont know what to say .they dont talk about him . And i want to . Xxx
Not to diminish anyone’s grief but i think as a mum it’s just a different grief. I find i get so upset at times that family don’t know what to do or say altough for me i would rather people talk to me but i think sadnessbis hard to be around so they don’t My husband seems to grieve quietly but i cry a lot but also need to talk about Scott so it’s just so hard to navigate all this. If at some point you would like to share anything about your son Sam take care xx
I also lost my son to suicide, he was 31. My other son managed to get into his laptop and found a letter he’d written a week before he died. I couldn’t look any further, and his phone is untouched. He left someone a voicemail maybe an hour before he took his life, My husband has heard it, I think it would kill me to hear it.
It’s just over 2 years now and the people who DID talk and let me talk about Joe, have stopped. My old school friend of 45 years came to the funeral, I’ve not seen her since. My dad very quickly changes the subject if I try to talk about it, it feels like he is angry with Joe for causing so much upset. X
I’m so sorry that you have also lost your beloved son and are dealing with this. Scott passed away October of 22 and it’s been so isolating since. I do have close family and also my husband i can talk to but I’m also aware of not wanting to keep upsetting everyone further. I have found that i have found comfort in little things and mostly i get upset when I’m alone but i let it all out as much as i need to. I think it’s healthy however hard to let yourself feel the sadness. Love to you and your family, here anytime
Also i do agree that some people seem angry that all this hurt has been caused. I have to accept that i am not in control of other people and how they behave! I need to look after me and close family through this. Look after yourself, we are all doing the best we can and it’s the hardest and takes everything we have xx
I lost my son 4 years ago. I got some answers on the 2nd day. It did help to have some kind of answer rather than wrestling with the “why” . The loss is agony. Follow your heart you are his Mom. Protect your heart. Sleepless nights are difficult. My concer would be an internal battle that you cant control. I am here if you want to talk. Hang in there.
Thankyou and so sorry for the loss of your lovely son Scott did open up to me in texts but not to the point of what was to come. I think as his mum he did open up to me by the way that we found what he had left behind. I am keeping busy but struggling with the not being able to do anything different to change the outcome or just that we vould of helped further had we know how he was feeling. Take care of yourself also xx
Julie how long has it been for you? Keeping busy helps to a point. I found going to the Compassionate Friends meeting helped. Have a good support system is vital. I am here to talk. Paolla
It’s been 5 months but it doesn’t feel that long. It seems like i just manage my day best i can and everything keeps moving and it’s another day / week !
Everyone has there own normal lives and it worries me that people may feel like all should be somehow ok now. I’m busy as in i go to work and visit close family but not much else it all feels to much at the moment. I’ve not felt up to a group meeting yet. How are you ?
Julie I am glad you have some connections. Its important. You will be a new version of your self. There are days you may not feel like yourself. Completely normal. As each day moves forward you get to know yourself more. Dont be afraid to talk to your child when you need to. Do what makes you comfortable. In the early days I found that talking to my son gave me comfort. I felt close to him. I sleep with a teddy bear to this day. I feel like Linus with a security blanket. I cant sleep without it right now. It has my sons shirt that he wore. It has a lot of tears in it. It is where I am at. Counseling has been a true blessing. I have a great counselor. I am strong person, but this is one event I didn’t know how to navigate. I was broken. Remember others that don’t understand can’t tell you how to get through this. One day at a time is all we are capable of. In the very beginning I made it a goal to get out of bed and get sunshine on my face. After a while I made other small goals. That is all I could do. There are some books that I read that helped. It validated what I was feeling. Let me know if you would like to share some titles with you. Get some sunshine on your face. Take a 5 min walk around your home or back yard. Hang in there. I am here for you. From AZ