Lost the love of my life

Sorry to ask I hope your day was best as can be for you and your family on this sad day my mother in law’s is on the 28 of this month she had serious dementia x

Hi
So sorry to hear about your loss…
I have just lost me boyfriend he was 46 had pancreatic cancer battled for 18 months so tough and I am not sure how I did the funeral it has taken all my emotions. His ashes are being scattered soon but I just don’t think I can go and see this my head is everywhere and like you I just do t want to see his name on a stone and have you it all brought back again like that final day maybe in time I will go and see him but it’s so painful
I feel like he is with me when I talk to his pictures I know it sounds so silly but I kiss him every morning and talk to him everyday. For me that’s where he is. Sounds crazy I know

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Sorry for your loss i find it comforting to kiss my wife’s photos and her ashes which are beside my bed there is nothing that speak soon x

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Hi nic14
Sorry to hear about your loss
There is nothing wrong with speaking to your boyfriend or kissing his photo it’s all part of your grieving process luv
I talk to my husband all the time luv my sister in law got me a pillow made from one of his top he used to wear and it’s in bed with me :heart:

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Thanks for asking about my day yesterday it was tough
I went the cemetery to put flowers on his grave told him I missed him

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So sorry for your loss, there is nothing wrong with anything we do to give us a fraction of comfort, I stroke the cheek of the photo of my husband on the mantle every evening and say good night when I blow out the candle I light every evening. I write a diary but addressed to him every night before bed and tell him about my day, the kids, silly stuff and how much I love and miss him. Do what ever helps x

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Thank you for your kind words… I do have a tracksuit of my boyfriends which I will eventually get made smaller so I can wear it the teddy bear is a great idea… I also have some of his aftershaves the special one to me he wore on our very first date in time I will be able to smell it but for now I can’t.
I talk to paul all the time and I swear I feel like he can hear me I do get comfort out of his photo and I believe he is all around me I pray he is…. I miss him terribly x

Thank you for your kind words… It does give me some comfort I feel he can hear me I just miss him terribly he was my best friend and the pain it makes you feel is so over whelming…
This group lots are f people are or have been in similar situations which makes me feel like I am not alone. I have a good family and good friends but I feel they don’t get some stuff that I say and then it makes me feel worse and I want to shut myself away x

I fully understand about the family and friends thing I’m the same got fantastic support from them but like you said nic they don’t understand some of the stuff you say
I think the platform is great talking to people in the same situation as yourself.
You find the strength from somewhere

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It’s horrible to say but sometimes they make me feel worse sometimes they say the wrong things it’s not there fault it comes from a good place but I do think talking to people in the same or similar situations surely helps x
I am such a mess I feel like I am getting g worse by the day people say you have to go with the feelings but it’s so tough x

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I’m so sorry for your loss Nic, you really were a beautiful couple. I understand how hard it will be for you. I’m afraid there are days I feel not too bad, almost happy, then the next day I’m consumed by grief again. I feel like I’m looking down on myself and ALWAYS looking for my darling Ian. It’s unbelievably tough, but we’re here for each other xx

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Thank you so much for your lovely words x
I am consumed with it paul is in my dreams and I think about him non stop it’s just so so tough. He only just passed last month so to now have his first birthday then Christmas and new year is just heart breaking. His birthday is 5 days before Christmas… I miss him like my right arm we loved each other and this is killing me x I am so sorry for your loss to it is the worst pain I have ever felt x x

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Bless you, I can’t tell you how much I feel for you. It’s been 9 months for me but, like you, I think about him all the time. When I’m talking to other people, I’m talking to Ian in my head. It’s surreal. I kiss his photo each morning. I say goodnight to him each night. Ian’s birthday was 5th December. Christmas will just be another day for us won’t it, new year too. It’s just more days to get through. It’s such early days for you. All we can do is put one foot in front of the other, step by step until hopefully we start to feel better xx

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Thank you x it’s the most surreal feeling ever I still think paul is going to call me or turn up at my house just like he always did do… some days I can’t function my emotions are everywhere I try and push myself the weekends are definatly the worst… he was the one person that loved me for me and life with out him is unbearable.
Yes Christmas is just another day but none of it seems right without paul…
Thank you so much for your message x x

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They say times a healer is it?? I feel miserable everyday paul used to say to me be strong and that I am a strong girl but I’m not…. I don’t have a choice but to get on with things but there are days I feel like giving up xx

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Don’t put yourself down luv you are strong Luv
You just have to take one day at a time x

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Time will make us feel slightly better. I honestly don’t believe that it is a healer…I don’t mean to sound negative saying that. I think in time you WILL feel a bit better. You are strong, you will be ok. I understand you wanting to give up, but carry on is what we must do. And we will do that. As you say we don’t have a choice. We have to carry on. Keep the love you shared in your heart and mind. You were lucky to find each other. You will come to treasure your happy memories. Love lasts a lifetime. Paul will be with you always

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No that does not sound negative it sounds right that I hope in time the pain eases I hope paul knew I tried my best he had a terrible illness that I watched that poor man become so so ill and in pain on a daily basis it was heartbreaking to stand by and see that. So young and so much like all of us to live for it has broken me in a way I am not sure I can recover from I will hold paul in my heart forever and ever x x
I went to have some photos developed today and I am having a photo of us made to put where his ashes will be when I eventually bring myself to go there x

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That will be a beautiful tribute for him (and for you too). I still have Ian’s ashes at home, can’t bring myself to scatter them yet, don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I have left instructions in my Will in case they are still here at that time.
It’s dreadful to watch the love of your life suffering and in pain. We have to tell ourselves that at least their terrible suffering, which we had to witness, is over now, and that they are at peace. They will be with us always & forever xx

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It’s strange because at first I felt relieved for paul that he had no more suffering no more pain no more anxiety for him hospital appointments scans phone calls the waiting on some one to say how long he had left if he was gonna be ok or not… I’m at peace with that part because he suffered so so much and it breaks my heart. I believe it’s harder for us as we are left behind for the rest of our lives…
That’s lovely that you have Ian’s ashes that must make you feel that he is at home with you x if I could I would have Paul’s but his family are scattering g them. I have decided I can’t go to see that I will in time go but for me he is at home in my pictures all around me and I talk to him every day cry to him kiss him and hold the pictures but I do feel he is at home with me x x

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