I’m 53 and I’ve lost both my parents.
My mother died in COVID and it was horrendous. She died in a hospital in Portugal. COVID in Europe was a lot stricter than her in England.
She was 75
She went to bed one night and had a massive stroke in her sleep. I suppose this was a good way to die but the rest was a horror show. They took her away by ambulance and she was kept alive for a week and on the seventh day she passed.
At no time was my dad allowed to see her.
There were daily phone calls to the hospital but my dad was the only one allowed to call.
After she died they phoned my father to tell him the news !!! He had to go to the hospital to identify her body…… he went to touch her hair and say goodbye but was told in an aggressive tone “no” .
He had to arrange her funeral alone and he was the only one allowed to attend.
He was 80 years old at the time and not in great health. Where was I ?? Stuck here, not allowed to fly or cross the border in any form until I had had three stupid vaccines.
It took three months to get out there and the sense of anger is huge in me.
When I got there I had to shut down 2 houses and move everything into one and I did this on my own.
I brought dad back to England.
In between the death of my mother and getting to my dad , my husband decided that preferred a boyfriend rather than his wife!!! Another trauma to deal with.
So now I’m grieve my mother and my marriage.
I finally get dad home and settle into full carer mode . I knew he wouldn’t last that long without her so I did everything I could to give him good memories.
He contracted a cold on 12 th May this year and within a week he had died.
In his last week he was bedridden and I was in full carer mode and on the third day of sickness and hours before he was unconscious, he asked me if he was dying,
I said yes you are and tried to comfort him. Those were the last words I got to say to him. He lasted four more days and he finally passed holding my hand .
I’m a very stoic and strong woman but this has absolutely floored me .
I go from sobbing to angry.
I’m hoping that time will help.
Sorry to rattle on.
In my father’s final days the Sue Ryder team were amazing and I got some comfort with them in attendance. I’ll for ever be grateful to them.
Hello @Scarlet1,
I can see you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents that brings you here. I’m really glad to hear that our Sue Ryder team bought you some comfort 
I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Hello, I do understand how you feel… I lost both my parents when I was 23. They both had cancer and passed away within five months of each other (aged 47 and 52). They were absolutely lovely people and great parents.
Mine was a different scenario to yours, because I had a 10 year old sister and 17 year old brother and I became instantly head of the family and guardian to my sister.
I had a 2-year-old child of my own and the whole situation was practically impossible to cope with because i was grieving badly and not in a good marriage.
The unfairness of life has been hard to come to terms with, and I was in a state of shock for a long time - also in those days (1974)- there was no counselling or support available… its been a tough time and in some ways, I feel time is not a great healer, but we all do carry on & try and keep smiling. Sometimes now, I find its the really little things that mean a lot… Please keep on with your counselling and take all the support that comes your way, often unexpectedly, because although you might feel out of place, so much will make sense one day, when you look back on it…and sometimes one person will connect with you on a different level and you will get some comfort … Its a tough one to come to terms with, and actually, you dont really need to - acceptance is the key and allowing yourself to have a happy life is exactly what your parents would want. X