The emptiness and the silence, exactly how I feel too. Geoff was very very loud and it was quite difficult to stop him talking as anyone who knew him would tell you. 
That’s made me smile!
I just want to chat with him and know I can’t.
When we felt this bad about anything they are the one person we could turn too and now there’s no one.
I’m sorry about the will. We too hadn’t made a will and I was very worried as we both had children from previous marriages and was worried it could cause problems. Luckily when I got the deeds to our house we had bought it as joint tenants which meant it automatically passed to me which was a relief.
I’ve had to jump through hoops to get his pension as we weren’t married but had lived together for 28 years, again luckily that is now sorted. I hope everything works out for you too.
Love and hugs Jacky. Xxxz
Dear Jacky
Our wedding anniversary was last weekend - 39 years. My husband was part of Equitable Life so lost most of his pension when it folded. Two of his other pension providers are only going to pay a fraction compared to what my husband would have received. But God knows I would give up every penny we had just to have him with me. I know you will feel the same. Our love was always sufficient.
So true, I was awarded a small lump sum death grant as he had nominated me. It’s sat in the bank, there were so many thing we would have wanted to do if the money had come to both of us, but now there doesn’t seem any point. Like you I would give it all back to have him here with me. Xxxx Jacky
A lovely poem - I do sometimes feel my husband is around, its been just over a year and I miss him so much. The other night I felt as though someone gave me a spiritual hug just before I went off to sleep, like a gentle pressure surrounding me. I like to believe it was him.
Thanks for the poem
That must have been such a lovely feeling. I do hope our departed loved ones are with us.
I talk to Alan and ask him to just touch my hand to let me know he is with me.
I did have a brief dream about him a few days after he died and I know he was with me then, it was so real and he answered my question.
I too got a lump sum but without him, there is nowhere i want to go. House is fine and i dont need new things, got no one to dress up for. My husband changed morgage over to another morgage company but didnt change insurance. So i will have to pay the morgage or move into a flat. Its a big dilemma as all my memories are here. Have to wait for letter from morgage company to see what they are offering. Great big worry. This is our home.
Bubba
I do hope you managed to get your mortgage sorted
But what will be will be
David and I lived together for 25 years no will
We did have a shared mortgage but it wasn’t straight forward took a year to sort
Then I had to fight for his pension
So not only did I loose the love of my life
I had to sort out the mess that was left
The problem is at 49 you don’t think your going to die
So now I’m always telling everyone make a will
Fingers crossed for you
Xx
Dear Scottie10
Me and husband married for 38 years. Talked about making a Will but as you say never thought it was anytime soon. I now tell everyone to make a Will. I cannot access his accounts or pensions. Some are only for less than £500 in total but they are insisting on death certificate. Cannot get this until inquest with no date yet set.
These challenges are not what we need when we are trying to deal with the loss of our loved ones.
Sheila
Hope it all works out for you. I count my blessings that our mortgage was paid and that we had the foresight to buy as joint tenants.
At least that is one less thing to worry about.
Take care xxxx Jacky
Hi scottie10, we to didnt have a will as we didnt expect this to happen. We had made an appointment to do it and then had to cancel just before xmas. Still havent heard from morgage company. They have put mirgave on freeze for 3 months. Have letter of administration now. So hopefully hear soon. Its such a worry. So sorry to hear your sad news. We are all in same boat. Keep chatting , it helps. Nothing takes that emptiness awY rhat we are all feeling though x
Shelia and Bubba
Life is never straight forward
It’s bad enough loosing the person that you loved
But then having to sort everything out without the person that would be there to help support you
That’s when you need help but you have to do it on your on
You are the one they have to speak to
But you don’t want to talk to anyone you can barely survive
When david died I assumed I was his next of kin oh no !!! That was his children
Even though we were together for 25 years I didn’t exist well according to the bank
Because you were married you are entitled to bereavement payment
If you go on the government website it will show you how to claim it
I know money is furthest from your mind but it’s what your entitled to
Also keep talking to your mortgage company tell them what’s going on they will help you if you keep them in the loop
When you finally get to register death of your other half get the registrar to inform all the government agents that’s one less job for you to worry about
Also get a few copies of their death certificate as the banks pension all want the original certificate
I hope this helps
Xx
I couldn’t register Geoffs death even though we had lived together for 28 years. His son had to do it. His son got all communication about pension and then I had to prove that we had been dependent on each other for the last two years. Had to get bank statements, copies of bills etc. We didn’t keep bills for that long so had to ring everyone up and ask them to send copies out to me.
It was dreadful, even trying to make one phonecall, let alone several and having to explain yourself over and over again.
Had to apply for the deeds to the house to see how we had applied for the mortgage, as there was no will so didn’t know what would happen.
I am just so thankful that we had bought as joint tenants so the house passed straight to me and luckily we only had joint accounts so was able to access all our finances.
Eventually the pension has been sorted too.
I feel for all of you who are not having it as easy as i know how I felt at.the beginning, thinking I might lose my home.
In this day and age cohabiting couples should have the same rights as married couples.
I felt like our 28 years wasn’t important and that I couldn’t be trusted to deal with anything.
I really really hope that it all works out for you quickly. Love and hugs Jacky
I was very lucky with this. My son done all the paper work as i couldnt cope so soon after losing mel. Just house to sort now and that big decision, do i want to move.
Dear Jacky
That is so awful and disgraceful. They choose some of the most random things to acknowledge and change. Couples who have lived together ought to be recognised legally. We do not need extra pressure in our time of grief.
We bought the property outright as we down-sized so no mortgage issues. It is just all the things that are going wrong - my husband’s car has broken down and just been told the bill will be £800. Need to get it fixed so that I can sell it and the monies from the sale should cover the repair costs and give me a little bit more towards the garage roof which also now needs replacing.
All got too much last night and contacted the Samaritans. I no longer have my wonderful husband to give me the reassurances I so desperately need.
Take care all.
Bubba. If you can help it please re consider moving for a while yet. I wanted to move immediately because I felt so grief stricken but I stuck it out and at the moment my house is my safe haven. They say two years at least before you should make any major decisions because you are not thinking straight when you are first bereaved. I hope this helps.
The longer it goes on the more i want to stay here. My memories are here. Where ever i am in the house, i can see him. I feel safe here and feel that he is around me. I’m scared of the dark as i was abducted as a child, so this feels like my safe haven. Mel knew how i felt and was always there for me. If i move i feel like i am losing that security. If i stay, this is a big house for 1 person to maintain and heat. All the lovely things mel done in the house and garden would be left behind. Dont think i can do that. Waiting for morgage companys response.
That is so sweet and thank you so much. I know it is just over a year ago since I lost my mum I just wish she was still here as I am going through so much pain with myself with my right knee and severe pain in my lower stomach.
Got a 2nd attempt at a colonoscopy examination on the 8th April 2021 at my local hospital but this time being done under a general anaesthetic as I couldn’t tolerate the pain when they tried last time a few weeks ago. Been admitted as an urgent case and being kept in over night.
Being part of the Sue Ryder community has been helping me a, great deal.
Good luck steve with colonoscopy. Hope its a sucess this time. I know all about knees. I had knee replacement. Consultant damaged the nerves. Have constant pain and swelling. Have to wear full length leg brace as leg decides it doesn’t want to move. Good luck with yours steve x
Thank you very much for your kind reply. I am hoping that the colonoscopy goes well this time I just want to know what is wrong with me and with the constant pain that I am in and not able to eat that much and also not getting much sleep during the night. I tend to fall asleep during the day quite frequently.
Hello @Sheila26. Have you thought about selling your husband’s car direct to a garage rather than have it repaired and then having to sell it. They can then repair it and sell it and the log book is dealt with by them so no paperwork for you. All this overwhelmed me at the time I lost my husband but my very wise daughter said to stop - think and ask advice. She said there will always be someone to help you and she was right.
I hope you feel better soon and please keep posting.
Love and light. x