It’s coming up a year in two weeks since I lost my boyfriend to suicide. I can feel my emotions and mental health dip, I have got the help I need professionally but I can’t help think is it a feeling of guilt. I am not ready for a relationship or even ready to think about one. I’ve had this amazing male friend in my life before my partners suicide, but I felt this overwhelming guilt when he bought me flowers for my birthday. He knows my situation and has been very supportive. He has not pushed boundaries either. Why do I feel like I’m deceiving my passed partner and is there such a thing as the right time to move on?
Hi I would say the right time to move on is when you feel it is right.
Some people move on very quickly some many years each person is different. But in the end its your life your happiness so go with your gut and enjoy the happiness if you decide the time is right.
I’m so sorry for your sad and tragic loss. You shouldn’t feel like you’re deceiving your boyfriend. You may even feel like it’s a betrayal of your boyfriend to smile at a new man. You have to release these feelings and recognise that you are single. Your boyfriend would want you to enjoy the remainder of your life
The object of dating is not to replace your loved one. You may long for someone just like him, but having such a desire will only lead to disappointment. Think about what qualities you would like to find in a new partner. Consider some things you would like to do such as travelling and look for a partner who shares your same passion. It’s common to feel a sense of guilt for wanting to move on with your life and meet someone new.
But please don’t feel guilty, we all deserve some happiness.
Yes I am struggling with this too. I haven’t dated for 30 years and it is all very new out there. I don’t want to stay alone for ever and my first effort at a new relationship was a disaster as he already had someone else all along. Luckily I didn’t take it too far with him. I want to meet people as friends first and then see what happens. Take things slowly. I am only 53 hubby was 29 years older than me so I knew I would end up alone but that doesn’t help how I feel.
I lost my wife 6 and half weeks ago and we were always a very touchy couple. And loved doing absolutely nothing together. Just being childish together and winding each other up with silly comments (although she was the heavyweight champ of winding me up)! We were each others world and found we didn’t need to go out and socialize much. We were more happy to spend every moment in each others company and every second was a privilege to be in her company. And now that is gone.
My mother and father in law are telling me I need to get out and make some new friends, but on one hand, I feel like I’m cheating on her and on the other, I miss the nights just watching mind numbing TV cuddled up to a woman who sees me in the way I want to be.
It’s so hard when you have been used to being one half of a couple for so long. I always loved being part of a couple, it was never restrictive. I never have been alone nor did I ever want to be alone. I enjoyed doing things because I did them with him. I just feel that life has lost all of it’s meaning now he is not here to share it with.
Yes we enjoyed the same things. Now as the half of a whole I find it hard to know what I could enjoy without him.
It is so very difficult. Why is it acceptable if you divorce to get a new partner, but not when your partner dies? For me although I loved my husband absolutely and totally, I knew I did not want to be alone for the rest of my life. No one will ever match up to my darling and after almost 12 years, I still miss him…but I have remarried. My poor mum who has just died, always missed my late love. He was the son she never had. I hope they are together now.
I met my second husband through my sister and it has been hard. We have had lots. Of problems and health issues, but we seem to hang on in there. We married almost 3 years after my first husband’s death, but there is no right and wrong time.
I no longer feel guilty, but did at first.
So sorry you have lost the love of your life. My wonderful husband passed away suddenly nearly 8 months ago and I am still struggling to accept it. We had only been together 3.5years and married 1.5 years but we were made for each other. We loved each other’s company. He made me feel loved and amazing every day . Our new life together was just beginning. He told me that he was lucky and privileged to be with me. I felt the same and always thought it was too good to be true. We met late but knew it was what we both had been looking for.
Life is so unfair. I miss him more than words can say and the future seems unthinkable. I find this site such a comfort and altough I don’t post very often, I read other’s posts daily.
You are still so early in your journey so stay strong and take all the support you are offered from family and friends.
Hey Chris I see you posted that 22days ago how are you managing?
Me and my wife were the same it’s so funny winding each other up we loved it and just doing stuff at home together we didn’t want to socialise much either… And like you my mother in law keep suggesting I get out meet people etc so I sympathise with you…
You stay strong and you have my deepest condolences for the loss… Take care
It’s so strange that I don’t have my ‘partner in crime’ to have a laugh with anymore. I’m trying to get on with things as best as I can and during the day, I can just about cope as I have my work that I’m starting to get back into. It’s the evenings that are the most lonely.
I religiously go to her grave every morning and spend a bit of time chatting with her (although the conversation tends to be just one way strangely, lol. It’s like I can now get a word in, lol).
I think about her constantly, but there are times when the thoughts will get too upsetting and I have a bit of a wobble. It’s amazing how quickly I assume the room gets smokey, as the tears start flowing!
I have been feeling extremely low recently but today, at the moment, I am in the frame of mind that today is the fight back! She wouldn’t want me to be too distraught all the time, so I am now trying to embrace her strength.
She was a very formidable lady who was so strong. She intimidated me when she was alive, so I am careful not to get on her wrong side now she is immortal with immortal powers! Hahaha
I hope you are doing well and managing to stay strong.
Hi Laney, and first of all, let me offer my sincere condolences with your loss. I hope you are managing to survive and get through each day.
I feel exactly the same (and after reading people’s messages on here, it seems many people are experiencing the same).
I have found that each day is just a struggle to get through and the cycle repeats at the start of each day. Each day seems to be a non stop journey of feeling I am lost at sea, riding the many waves of emotion. The memories are all I have to cling to for support as wave after wave hits me again and again. But right at this very moment (literally), I am trying to get on top of these waves and start swimming again.
She was always the stronger of the two of us and I am trying to harness her strength and live each day in the best way I can in honour of her.