Sorry to add this, but I know people on here understand, and that seams to help me.
Ive had the worst day in the who 2.5 months today. Ive trued all this time to be focused on things I needs to sort out and to make my wife proud. Ive done lots if things, the latest is an A3 photo book online specifically about her life so I can give our children copies on my wifes birthday 15 October. Im nit sure if its that thats caused me so much extra pain today.
I just feel Im not getting any closer to seeing my wife. Im sure she will be proud of most if what im doing, but I keep having panic attacks that i could live a very long time yet and Im worried, i want to be with her as soon as possible.
Does anyone else have these attacks and feelings? Ive lost 2.5 stone, now im 8 stone, i had to visit Doctors because of a lump that came up on my arm, but blood tests show im 100% ok but with a BMI of 17 they want me to eat and go back next week.
Im 63, i feel bad that im upset with good blood results, but my brain is all over the place.
I just want to be with my wife, hope im not causing anyone to feel mad with ne.
Hi @John1066 ,
I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really confused and anxious about life without her.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @John1066 , get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
Thank you for the information.
So sorry about you losing your wife. It’s nearly 5 months since i lost my husband. The first couple of months kept me busy sorting everything out then things calmed down a bit although still a bit to do. Today has been the worst day. Took the dog for a walk and my legs felt like jelly. The dog was my husbands and he’s deaf and 17yrs . I worry about him being so old but seems ok except some sort of spot on his head. My neighbour was outside and i bent down to show him the spot. As i got up again my wobbly legs gave way and i fell forward into the road. Felt the gravel under my face. Well he picked me up and blood was running down from my face. I don’t really care about my face but feel that’s the last straw. I’ve just had enough now as i came into an empty house and no-one to talk to about it. If my husband was here he would have been really upset about it. Last month my son got badly bitten by a dog. He ended up having an operation on his hand. Once more nobody here to reassure me he would be ok. I like you don’t want to around for much longer feeling these awful feelings but life goes on. People say it gets easier with time. I just hope so. Hope it gets easier for you in time. Take care. I’m sure everyone on here feels exactly the same.
Oh no, i honesty hope you are OK. Do you need any treatment on your face? Its so difficult coming home alone, i open the door and shout youho in home, but i know no one heats me, i do it and hope and pray one day my wife might just be able to answer me, im going to do that as long as i live and like you, i jooe thay im with my wife very soon.
Thanks for that. Had a look at.my face and got a grazed cheek and a cut lip. Realised later a cut knee. Nothing to worry about just look as though I’ve been in a fight. Think it worried my neighbour more than me. I’ll probably get out of this mood but really don’t care at the.moment. i really do hope you feel better when things get easier . Take care.
@Jay15 and @John1066 keep going… you know that’s the only way forward. Grief is brutal and devastating but the only way we can honour our loved ones and get through each day is to keep moving onwards. Do what you have to do to keep going. Treasure what you had, remember the positive times and live on with hope in your heart. It’s so hard but these difficult times will move on. Sending best wishes xx
Right now you are really going through it. It’s a common desire, to want not to be here, but with your loved one. Everyday, though, you barely notice, things are changing, as sure as the earth is turning. Your feelings will change. No-one can make it feel better right now. You just have to go through it, to suffer . But hang on in. Though it’s hard to believe it when you feel like this, you will one day. I felt guilty the first time I went a whole day without crying. Now those days are more than the days I have a weep. Yes I choke back the tears often especially when people mention him. But listen to those further down the road. You just learn to live with it. It becomes your history. Try to łook after yourself until that day comes for you.
Beautiful, thank you
So sorry to hear about your beloved wife. I lost my son aged 35 in March, and yes it’s normal, whatever normal is to have melt down days. I have them on a regular basis, found you just have to go with it, minute by minute. That sounds lovely about the photos, when I can I am putting all my sons photos on a memory stick but some days is just a no go day and I leave it. Be kind to yourself, we are here for you.
Today I remembered my husbands details were still on the dogs name tag, a small thing to change for some but a huge thing for me. I almost cried in the shop when they asked what I wanted on the tag. It felt silly getting emotional over a dogs name tag. All now done and my lovely dog wont be lost if anyone calls the number.
So sorry to hear about your wife @John1066 take each day slowly, I try to get out of the house each day and do 1 thing at a time. I am on week 10 and I get good days and bad days. Ive learnt how to use a drill (not very well but managed to add a new sign to my house). We are all here to talk and vent our anger and cry. Keep going and make her proud xxx
Thank you for your support. I thought I was coping with this in a certain painful way but the last few days have been very bad.
The support of you and people on here who know this pain is very helpful.
Thank you
Thank you, I think its the photos, certificates and things im add into the photo album, on top of my serious grief pain, that is tipping me over the edge… I should, as you say, take a break from it.
Hope you feel at keast a little better today.
It’s not emotional about your dog… i still get people asking Where’s the man that used to walk the dog. My dog is 17yrs old now and deaf. He’s just got used to me taking him out now after 6 months of losing my husband. I hate trying to explain what happened to these people as it just brings everything back. Plus they don’t seem that interested and just walk off. When they ask how i am i just say fine thanks.
I know how you feel Sarah passed on the 7th of July and I have considered an exit at least twice…
I still have all her things piled up in the lounge every time I try to go through it I end up in tears ken
Thanks Ken. Its so very hard.
I have left all Jackies sewing things out on the desk and all her clothes and everything. I have a dress on a hanger in the bedroon and her shoes and coats out. I wont move anything its all too precious.
I speak to her all the time and have photos everywhere i feel her with me but of course i want her to answer me just to say all is ok and she will come and get me very soon… i pray she will tell me that soon
I’ve changed so much now. After a fall i had i now ache all over. I got no sleep last night and felt really weird this morning so much so i passed out in the bathroom. Woke up staring at the.bottom of sink. The way I’ve changednis i couldn’t care. Normally i would have panicked . My main worry was am i able to take the dog out. Had a slow walk with him ang got back ok. Now to face the.
rest of the day. I never used to be such a misery. Hopefully this won’t last
I still have all Robs clothes and things i dont want to get rid yet. I had to sell his motorbike as was only a few months since he bought it and he’d told my son the week before to get it sold. Its hard to part with anything i know i will need too soon but not yet. His old tshirts are memory bears that i an making (should be attempting to make) for our children so they will never get destroyed.