Memory

Three months ago at that very time, my Philmore was still alive and received his Valentine’s card and presents. A few hours later he left me behind. A month later I attended his funeral. Since then life is not living anymore. I love you and miss you every second and I am crying again - actually, I did not stop this weekend. Just to think that this will be life from now on makes me cry more. I am mentally and physically drained - I still have stupid bronchitis and cannot get rid of it. Is there any hope?

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Yes there is. I’m 3 months in and in the whole I feel ok but today I have been out, had a long dog walk with my family, had an impromptu pub lunch and now feel horrendous. It’s all just a constant reminder of what he is missing. How my life has changed. Under ‘normal’ circumstances I would not have had the pub lunch as my partner would have been in his bike ride and we would have both got back to have lunch together at home. I feel really uneasy and unsettled and just want to give up! Today is hard. Sundays are hard

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Sending you lots of hugs.

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@Annaessex and @Ali29 sending you both hugs . I’m approaching 4 months without my beloved and I’m still finding it really difficult completing even basic tasks. I’m not surprised that you are feeling physically poorly- actually even in my lethargic state, I wake up around 3am feeling very unwell ( nothing specific) and the day just goes on from there . X

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I wonder what the significance of 3am is? Odd question but there’s a lot of us who wake at 3am.
When my partner first died, I woke up every morning at 3am for ages.

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Well I just googled it and this came up!

In folklore and superstition, 3 am is called “Devil’s Hour” or “Witching Hour.” This is when demons, ghosts, and other evils are most potent. The spiritual law of attraction is very strong at this time.

The Bible calls 3 am “Divine Hour.” Some Christians believe the boundary between the third dimension and the divine realm is the thinnest at night. Therefore, getting up at 3 am is the best time to pray.

Additionally, your guardian angels are likely attempting to convey an important message that could assist you in your current situation. Accept this wisdom as a gift and let it motivate you to take action.

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You all sum up how I feel. It’s nearly 3 months since my husband died and I’m feeling really hopeless today. I can’t believe that 3 months ago my husband was here, gave me some beautiful flowers and card and now I’m here alone.
@Ali29 like you I was out all day yesterday with hubby’s friends for a walk in the countryside but as soon as I set off home that awful sadness returned. Today I’ve been home alone and I’m struggling with what is the point of everything, why am I still here, consumed with sadness, guilt, loneliness and I can’t see how I’ll ever feel any different.
Sending you all a hug xx

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That’s really weird coz since I lost my Sandie I have pretty much like clockwork woke up every night at 3am…thought nothing of it other than I never did before…:heavy_heart_exclamation:

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@Ali29

I’m still usually awake at that time as I struggle to sleep but on the odd occasion I have fell asleep , that’s the time I wake up :roll_eyes::roll_eyes: x

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@Lucy55

It’s so painful isn’t it :sleepy::sleepy:

I’ve been out and now I just feel that horrendous wave of sadness & like you how can 8 weeks ago he have been here & now he’s not ?!?!

I just pray every day it’s my turn . I say if they can take Bry like that , why not me ??

Makes me feel bad as I have grown up children 1 who still lives at home & love them so very much but this pain !!! , it’s torture. I’m just so unhappy & existing in a world I don’t want to .

I wouldn’t want to do anything as I couldn’t t do that to them after losing their Dad BUT I do pray I’m taken naturally and as soon as . If there was a magic pill that could make it look like I passed naturally so the kids would not have to deal with the awfulness of me taking my life , then right now I’d probably chose that option as life just sucks .

Makes me feel like the worst mum in the world , just another mess I’m having to deal with in my head :broken_heart::sleepy:

Hugs to all of you xx

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@PollyjaneW no I don’t think what you say sounds awful because you have been through so much . I think it takes an awful lot of resilience to just get through the day at times like this and I will admit to not being as resilient as I ought to be as well . I really believe that sudden loss of our beloved men flicks a switch in our mind making it so difficult to function without having thoughts like these xx💔

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@Ladysuisei6

Thank you so much & you are right . :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I have a friend ( school friend who married my best friends brother ) who’s husband passed away in his early 30’s . Left her with 3 young children :sleepy:

She’s remarried now and happily which is lovely for her. I sit and think @53 and losing my best friend I don’t want anyone else & I wonder that one day my friend may have to go through that heartbreak again. I will never want to be with anyone else and I could never go through this again, I think what’s the point? as hard as it is I’d rather stay on my own until it’s my time :broken_heart::broken_heart: xxxx

Big hugs to you xxxx

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@PollyjaneW again that’s exactly how I feel. I feel trapped here because I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt my daughter. I feel everything is so pointless, I’ve cared for everyone else and now I’m left here alone. When I’m upset, ill or worried I haven’t got anyone I can share it with, I’m expected to just look after myself.
I’m still wading through the finances and I’m ok but not as good as my husband thought I’d be so I’m desperately trying to get my dads flat ready to rent.
I’m so stressed with all the responsibilities on my shoulders, I’ve got no one I can rely on anymore.
I feel really selfish and childish saying all that, I’m 55 I should just deal with this stuff but it’s making me ill with the worry. I do wonder why I’ve had to lose so many people and why I have to live the rest of my life alone. Sorry I’ve got no one to off load all this stuff to xx

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@Ali29
I find I’m worse when I am out as there are so many memories all around me out there and like you it hits me what he is missing and that he had so much more he wanted to see and do. I also feel he is being left behind (I know that’s an odd thing to say because he’s gone). Everything with him now seems in a different lifetime ago, it doesn’t feel recent anymore and that he truly is in the past. That feeling hurts more than anything

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@Sarlyn this is what I’ve struggled with last couple days. Just looking at what he’s missing and what we’re missing together. He loved the summer and sunshine. We thought this year was going to be so good :smirk:

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@Lucy55

Don’t be sorry at all . You can always chat to me on here or privately.

I know what you mean re finances & paperwork , it’s a minefield !!

On top of that my mum ms finances etc for the care home - nightmare

Sending hugs & remember message me if you need to rant about anything xx

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@PollyjaneW i feel for you, I’ve had to deal with that in the past too and it’s hard going. When you’ve had the worst thing happen to you you’re then supposed to organise everything and keep your home and family going, it’s just exhausting.
Thank you and you can always message me too xx

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@Lucy55 thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: xxxx

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We saw the New Year in together and I said I thought 2023 was going to be a good year for us. How wrong was I. But I think I could feel that it was going to be a significant year. Never had that feeling before at New Year.

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@PollyjaneW like you , I have lost my only true love and my best friend . I find it unthinkable to contemplate ever being with anyone else it just doesn’t interest me . That’s it . For life , just like marriage vows. I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone who found love again following loss but it isn’t something I’m ever going to be thinking about. I feel it would be a betrayal if everything Baz and I shared . I’m heartbroken and lonely, but this is it until it’s my time . Just as you say . xxx💔

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