Miss my old life so much. I was confident, happy, felt loved.
Now i just feel nothing, like whats the point.
I get out of bed, feed the dogs. Take the dogs out. Thats horrible as me & Nick usually took them together. Come back home, clean round. Everything feels like an effort.
Dont like my own company this much! I used to say, yes go out and id have a pamper and time to myself. Now i have too much time on my hands.
Walking round lost, wondering what to do.
Ive met a few friends for a coffee. That usually lasts for an hour then im back on my own. Feeling miserable 
with a pain in my heart.
Im hoping when i go back to work it will feel better. Well for that time anyway. When i come home it will be lonely again. Nick used to ask me all about my work day. Hed talk about the dogs and his day.
I miss his big hugs, txts to check in with me, his calming voice, making plans together. We always had something to look forward to.
I feel like ive died… nothing to look forward to. Every day feels the same.
Get up, try and get through the day, go to bed, not sleep properly if at all.
We didnt need other people in our life. We had eachother and loved eachothers company 
I can fully relate to how you are feeling. It’s just awful isn’t it!
Sending you love and hugs 
Hi,
totally get this.
There is such a gap now in our lives.
We were just like you and Nick.
It was so good to be together.
Obviously, now it is very, very painful.
Sending you a huge hug!!
Rose x
You could have been talking about our life. We didn’t need anyone else, in fact we enjoyed lockdown when it was just the two of us.
Ive never had so many coffee catch ups in my life. It’s kind of people to invite you but I really just want to be with my partner and then you only have to come back to an empty house. I used to be confident and deal with most of the paperwork and make decisions. Now I just feel overwhelmed with everything and fed up with having to go over the situation with all our accounts/ providers. Just want everything to as it used to be and heartbroken it never will be again.
Ive literally just walked the dogs and one of our wheelie bins has gone missing. I started crying 
id never do that normally. If anything goes wrong i cant cope!
My son is 22, lives at home still. He is working, goes out, goes the gym. Hides in his bedroom when hes home… i dont blame him! He has aspergers syndrome.
If it wasnt for him i think id leave.
The house has become a museum to Nick. His stuff is everywhere, his photos are everywhere. His bike stuff are under the stairs. Everything is how he left it plus more framed photos of him in every room.
I keep thinking what would Nick have done if i passed away first??? Gone on his bike most probably.
He was such a good, kind person. I used to say… my better half.
Like i wrote in my eulogy… i have a nick shaped hole in my heart. True love forever
Exactly how I feel , didn’t need anyone else as it was just us 2 ( and the kids ) , I still have the kids living with me so the house isn’t too quiet , but it’s not the same as she’s not here . Never knew pain like this existed and it really is a struggle to get through each day .
Beautiful picture 
My sons similar , 23 goes to work then goes to the pub and comes home when he feels like it , goes in his room and only see him when he wants food . My daughter 18 is so good though making sure I’m ok and not left on my own too much , she will be going to uni next Sept though so I can see myself just getting on a plane ….
We have so many beautiful photos and memories 54 is no age to die.
I read messages on here and realise theres lots of people going through this and their wives, husbands, partners are younger. Life is so cruel.
Me and Nick didnt get together until we were 42. We knew eachother from secondary school then lost touch until 2011. Then started our relationship 2012. We were so happy and it felt like an adventure.
Even when Nick found out he had a brain tumour he was so positive, he was going to beat it!!
My life was pretty shit before Nick. Jobs to fit in round my kids growing up. A horrible exhusband who is an alcoholic.
Me and Nick still had so many dreams, plans, adventures we wanted to do.
He took medical retirement and was with the dogs all day or he painted. He was a good artist.
I said i would go down to 3 days when im 60 and we would have long weekends driving round the UK with the dogs, we were going to get a camper van.
Thats all gone now. Obviously, i can plan trips, holiday’s
But, it will never be the same. Xx
Aww you will miss your daughter when she goes.
My daughter is 34… has her own home and life.
I dont want to be a burden to them.
Ive lost my spark. I was always happy and smiling. Now i look miserable all the time.
I can see people avoiding me. I dont care though.
One thing is for sure… i haven’t started drinking. The sleeping tablets i was given were for depression too. Far too strong for me. I felt so groggy the next day.
So,im not taking anything.
Walking round lost and empty… i cant even finish a full meal.
Not interested in anything.
Nothing is sinking in xx
We made a tiki hut in the garden. We would light the fire pit… have a beer and listen to our favourite music.
Ill probably never use it again
Hello, my husband was only 60 when he died, I felt exactly as you do at your stage, it’s a massive life change & an utter shock to our minds and bodies.
Grief is something we have to travel through, lots of ups and downs & panic & yes I still find if something goes wrong it feels like the end of the world.
But…. It does get better, I think our minds and bodies coole to terms with the shock of it all & we start to feel more about to cope.
We just have to survive this period.
Now I’m at a stage where. I smile at the memories & just feel so glad that I knew him & that I did my best to look after him when he needed me the most.
For the moment try and think that you will get through this but it takes time.
Lovely pic … its so damn hard isnt it ? I miss his love so much … way i feel today i no idea if i will ever be happy again !
I really wish i had gone with him ! What’s the flipping point ? Xx
Thats how i feel… wish we would have gone together x
Know how you feel sending lots of love to you xx
Yeh you do dont you ? What dort pf life have we got now. I dibt feel likebi hsve ine amyway. Iade griends with a really nice man who walks his dog .where i do … hes lovely but he struggles too as he split up with his partner of 31 years … i think its hard for us at our age dont you ? Xx
I feel exactly the same. At least we’d have been together. Can’t see any point to anything anymore.
Sorry about typos … but you get my gist ! I dont think in the world we live in they got time for widows ! We’re just a nuisance arent we !! Thats how i feel anyway !! X
Mandyc15
I recognise all of what you said . The feelings of being loved , we miss them so much don’t we. The loneliness , the silence.
Grateful as I am for those coffee meet ups with friends it doesn’t sustain me .