Good morning Tigerlily2.
Thank you for keeping in touch with me. I am trying to be okay , but not always succeeding.
I do feel that in the last two weeks I am crying more and more. If I see someone and I mention mam, even by saying mam I fill up with tears.
The lady on the phone at Marie Curie says that at this stage the loss of mam really hits.
I do see my brother on occasion and my niece but not often. I can speak about mam to Katie which is good because I do like to talk about memories. However, when my brother comes he won’t speak of mam and even though mam has been with me for 60 years, he won’t even acknowledge her presence in the house.
Thank you again for taking time out of your day to get in touch before work. I send you all my kindest regards and best wishes Stephen
Good morning sparrow2
Thank you for getting in touch. It is nice to hear from you. I agree with work. When dad passed away 9 years ago, I don’t know why, but I only had 2 weeks off school. On the first day back I had quite a few colleagues giving me their condolences, but after a couple of days it was forgotten by them.
When I am out, which is mainly shopping or up at the cemetery, if someone mentions mam, I just start crying straight away. When I rang Marie Curie the lady said it was usual to be crying even more at closer intervals at this point after mam’s funeral. Her interment with dad is two weeks yesterday.
Thank you for saying about trying to find some comfort and joy in the day. Mam would definitely have wanted it for us both.
As I have said before and you know this with living with your mum all those years, sometimes the small maybe not major memories are the ones that bring a massive amount of tears. Like brining mam her morning coffee and Millionaire slices after I had got her washed, dressed and done her hair and put her oil of Olay on her face. I do so miss her and our routines.
I truly appreciate you keeping in touch. It helps me a lot. God bless. Stephen 
Hi @Stephen65
I’m sorry you are having a tough time. It does hit home after our mind has processed the shock and we have gone through the funeral and done all the paperwork. Sorry to hear your brother is not wanting to share your memories. I’m glad that you can speak to Katie and your counsellor about memories of your mam. I hope that you feel at least a little comfort from knowing you are not alone on this site. Sending best wishes to you 
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Hello Stephen, I found that I was able to talk about Mum and I found it strange that I didn’t cry. My counsellor said it was because I had rehearsed it so it was like I wasn’t saying it. I was also told that the gaps of overwhelming emotion are close together and gradually they become wider. You took such great care of your Mum. I can tell that your Mum loved you to bits. My Mum liked her Nivea cream! I also bought her serum for her hair as she always liked her hair to look nice. I would take my Mum in the car to the hairdressers where she loved being pampered and around the conversations there. I am getting so emotional writing this as it makes everything real. I hope that your day went as well as it could. Your Mum would want you to take good care of yourself. Katie sounds like someone you can rely on for support.
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Hi Tigerlily2
Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words and support. It is very good of you and as you say, I do take comfort from the people who respond on here and when I reply to someone that helps me too.
Best wishes and all my kindest regards. Stephen.
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Good evening. Thank you so much for keeping in touch and also your kindness and kind words.
I totally understand about you getting emotional as you write about you and your mum and your life together. I do as well .
We both loved our mums very much and we made their lives special and their unconditional love and care made our lives special too.
That is why we are both so close to our mums. Our lives without them aren’t the same as when they were with us.
We would do anything and everything for them because like both you and me, if they were happy, we were happy.
Thank you very much again for your continued support. It helps me a lot particularly when I am feeling down.
God bless and sending you all my best wishes. Stephen.
Morning Stephen. How are you doing today? Thank you for sharing your memories of the routines you and your mam had. It shows how close you both were. I know you miss the routines and your lovely mam very much. You are very kind supportive member of this forum. That is a lovely legacy to your mam take care
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Good morning Tigerlily2 and thank you very much for your reply. I do miss mam and our routines. I find it is good to talk about it, but when I am writing it down I am often in tears.
I am doing okay this morning thank you. How are you? I am not a fan of the sun. I had a bad skin cancer on my head about 5 years ago and still go for check ups, so plenty of suncream if I go out and always cover up.
I really appreciate your kind words about my posts on here. It is also very good and caring of you to see how I am doing.
Sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes .Stephen.
I’m doing ok thanks Stephen. Yes the sun is a bit hot today. Understand you being cautious obviously after your skin cancer. Hope your day is as good as it can take care
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This is so sad I know exactly how much you must miss your mum. My mum passed away a year ago this month and she too was my everything and I became her carer when she was diagnosed with a glioblastoma. The worst brain tumour. I was totally devastated and still am. There is no one to replace her I have absolutely no one now. I have to rebuild my life with such sadness I don’t know what to do for the better.
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Dear Wuu. I am so sorry to hear about the passing away of your beloved mum. It is the worst thing that can ever happen. A mum’s unconditional love can never be replaced.
I say that because that is how i feel about the passing of my beloved mam. I totally understand how you are feeling. Totally lost and not knowing how, when or if you will be able to move on. That is what I feel too.
I too don’t really have anyone I can rely on to help. I do have a brother but see little of him. Like you with your mum, mam was my life and world and now that world is shattered forever.
Mam had Alzheimer’s, but we still chatted and lived our life together. She never ever forgot my name. The way she said my name Stephen, was so special. I cannot describe it exactly, but it was the pitch and tone of how she said it. I wish I could hear it now. I would give anything to hear her voice and see her beautiful smile.
Please keep posting on here if you feel like it. It definitely helps and people are so supportive. Even if like me, writing it makes you cry a river of tears.
God bless Wuu. I send you all my kindest regards and best wishes Stephen
Hello Wuu, With the first anniversary of your Mum approaching it must be hard as it must stir up and relive this time last year. I am so sorry. Like yourself and Stephen, my Mum’s love was unconditional and now I have no-one that can be there like Mum was. I feel at times that I was surrounded by love all of my life and now no-one cares. I have to rely totally on myself. I don’t like to think of future years. I miss the joy that Mum brought. She always tried to make others laugh. With the sun shining she would be out looking at her garden and suggesting where to put the new plant that I have just bought. I find that I am missing her even more now that it is summer. Mum and I loved the summer, partly because it meant that school holidays were approaching. I do miss her so much.
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Hello Sparrow 2.
As always you have captured a feeling perfectly. Our mums all their lives giving us their love and now and I agree with you, it feels like no one cares.
We just need that love once more if it were possible and my goodness, I wish it was.
God bless Stephen.
Exactly! My mum just loved her garden and she was so knowledgeable about plants and ponds too. She loved her gold fish and nature in general. I just have to hear the birds and watch the blue skies without her now.
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Hello Sparrow2
It’s been so long since I even had my last laugh with mum. Xmas 24 was her last Xmas. she was so poorly and sleepy but I would find like at 2am she’d be able to have a few words and a laugh a little with me as the meds had worn off or a little so she was a bit more coherent. So I would record these tiny chatty moments on my phone. It’s surreal now hearing her voice, it sounds not like herself as her voice was weak, but what she says definitely is her. I treasure these recordings and her picture is my phones wallpaper too. It’s so nice to actually receive a message back from you and we can share our thoughts and reflections about our mums and with Stephen too. It’s like previously I was connecting with nobody about my loss and to get a reply is very uplifting thank you.
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Thank you Stephen your words are so true to just what my mum meant to me. I will keep posting as much of what you write about what your mum meant to you is a wonderful thing to read as it’s just how my mum meant to me.
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Hi Wuu.
Thanks for your reply. Me and mam lived together for 60 years. For the last 3 years mam had Alzheimer’s and I looked after her as well as living together.
I agree with you. It was lovely to hear mam laugh. I recorded mam’s voice on about 3 occasions and I have about 12 video recordings on my phone.
Me and mam went to bed at the same time. I helped her upstairs and to the loo and then every night I tucked her in bed and gave her a kiss. On occasions and I cannot recall what I said after tucking her in, but lovely mam would just start laughing and it made me laugh and we laughed together.
Mam passed away 9 weeks tomorrow. She was 82. This last week, like you, I put mam’s pictures on my phone as lock screen and the other photo as wallpaper. It is lovely to see her beautiful smiling face but at times, thinking of mam, they do make me cry.
Put on here Wuu any thing you need or want to say about your mum. Me and Sparrow 2 are in the same position as you. Our mums meant the world to us and we miss them so much.
God bless Wuu and keep in touch. Best wishes.Stephen.
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We are all 3 in the same situation. It is important to share our memories as it keeps our connection with our Mums going. Stephen, we had a bedtime routine as well. My Mum was very independent and used to tell me to let her do it! As I left her room she used to say, “Thank you for all that you are doing.” I have a few videos on my phone as well which I sent to my sister and her brother. I had not realised fully until I watched them how joyful we were together and how much Mum made me laugh. I know that mornings are hard for you Steven. I hope that you find some joy today. I went for a short walk yesterday. I managed to sit in a bench where Mum and I sat. Usually, I walk past as I can’t manage it. My eyes filled up and tears came as the last time I sat there it was with my Mum. I hope that today we all feel our Mums with us, helping us to manage the day.
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Good morning Sparrow 2
Lovely to hear from you. Routines are good to have. Me, mam and dad always had a routine and after dad passed away. I remember too standing at mam’s bedroom door. She always spoke goodnight and then waved her little hand. God bless her.
You did really well to sit on the bench where you and your mam sat together. I imagine your emotions as you sat there. It is very difficult. I had the same emotions a couple of weeks ago sat in our same seats in a cafe, but I did it like you did and thought of mam.
I have been up at the cemetery for an hour this morning. Mam’s interment is Wednesday the 3rd of June at 11.30am. So I go to dad’s memorial and talk to both him and mam. On the day of mam’s interment I am having a new memorial stone fitted.
I then go to mam’s, mam and dad. My beloved grandparents. Clean their stone and talk to them.
I am back at home now. I won’t see anyone. It is 9 weeks today since mam passed away at 11.45am. I know I always make myself cry, but I always go into the dining room and sit where I was sat at the side of mam in her bed. I can’t help myself.
My brother had one hour yesterday, but I don’t really benefit from his time. He never speaks about or acknowledges mam’s presence. When I say I haven’t seen anyone he just says he hasn’t either, but he has. He has a family, he works, he goes out drinking. I cannot make him understand that for 60 years me and mam were together 24/7. We were always there for each other for everything, just as you and your mum were.
I think all the crying is making me feel unwell, but as you know from your grief, it isn’t something we can just turn off.
Thank you once more for keeping in touch and keeping me company with your messages. I really appreciate them. Sending you all my best wishes Stephen.
I do the same Stephen when I visit the cemetery. I clean, water the plants, change the flowers and light the candles. My Mum is buried with my Dad and Grandfather (who died before I was born). I have a temporary cross inscribed. I will be getting the stone cleaned etc but I have to wait a year before I can do that. I wasn’t well a few weeks after Mum died and one of my bloods wasn’t right, so I am now on supplements. My GP put it down to the tough year I had. I feel alot better now. Take care of yourself Stephen. Your Mum would want you to as she took great care of you and you of her. My Mum used to say, “Goodnight and God bless.” I had that written on her temporary cross. I ended the eulogy with Mums words and then added the same to Mum from me and my sister. The sister at the church read my eulogy and added her own “Goodnight and God bless from all of us.” It was so emotional and moving.
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