It’s that feeling of being alone I now have no parents and no siblings it’s as though a huge part of who I am has died too. Mam’s are very special and that bond is unbreakable. My daughter and my niece are both struggling my niece has lost her Mam and her Nana who was like a second Mam to her and my daughter has experienced these devastating losses at a young age, it’s a lot to deal with and it’s all very raw. I want to believe that one day I will find joy in something but right now I just can’t.
thank you so much for your kind message and take care
Hi all I don’t know it will help anyone but I’ve been listening to some bits on YouTube about grieving and found a David Kessler. Some of the things he says are quiet useful.
Today I came across some neighbours who remember mum but I hadn’t really stopped long enough before, just a wave to them in passing and like: “hi how’s you? “I’m fine”, that sort of thing. But then the lady wanted to talk and so I told her about mums passing. She was sad and shocked but her hearing is quite poor unfortunately so her son was relaying. He lives with his mum, both his parents in fact. All his life too. She had had cancer twice and luckily, successfully recovered. The son is in his fifties and he was saying, “the last time he saw mum and me was Oct 2024 and you was always together”. “Yes”, I said. This was really true, others saw us like a team. Stuart (sons name) said: “We was all chatting in town outside Tesco, your mum looked so well”. So I said what she had: “a glioblastoma stage 4 and from when you all chatted with us within that week she became extremely sick. Went into hospital for mri and ct scans and Doctors found her brain tumour-advanced (kidney cancer too- which was only operable if it weren’t for the terminal brain cancer).” And relaying this information to them was totally unreal. Because mum was so alive and healthy, on the outside at least. I reminded my neighbour that she is very lucky to have her son as he too does a lot of caring for both his parents. And when I see how lucky Stuart is to still have his parents well into their 80’s. Life is unfair and I find myself having these reminders quite heavy. But I guess these kind of things are always going to appear especially as mum was so well liked and a familiar face around here too.
But I hope you had a lovely day out at Whitby. Sending you my warmest wishes. Wuu
Seeing your neighbours was nice, but heartbreaking for you relaying everything that happened to your wonderful mam. Like you say Wuu, when they saw you together your mum looked so well and as they said, you were always together like me and mam.
Stuart does a good job as you say of looking after his elderly parents, but it hits hard Wuu when we don’t have our beloved mums with us. It makes us feel sad thinking why can’t our beautiful mums still be here?
I am just on the coach on the way home Wuu. A lovely day revisiting all the lovely places and memories of my wonderful mam and dad. I have walked miles. My feet are aching but when the coach drops me off I have a mile to walk home. Thinking of you always and sending you all my warmest wishes Stephen.
Thank you for your message. Life doesn’t seem fair does it? There are all sorts of dodgy characters and they seem to do okay. We lose our beautiful mums. Perfect, caring, loving and so much unconditional love they gave us.
Plus as you say, your daughter and niece suffering with their grief too. It is truly heartbreaking. Nothing in life can ever take the place of our beloved mams and dads.
I cry all the time. Lots of wonderful memories in the house of mam and dad and those 60 plus years living together.
I totally empathise with you. I have never lived on my own. Mam and me had such a wonderful routine together. We weren’t jet setters but we had such a happy life together. It is so hard Nandy. Not only the deep sadness and grief we have with the passing away of our beautiful mums, but having to adjust to being on our own.
God bless and sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes. Lots of hugs. Stephen.
Hello Stephen, I’ve just read through your posts and you really are doing so well. Your life changed completely without you ever wanting it to. You lived very contentedly with your lovely Mum (and Dad), having retired and you had to adapt to living alone and are now working through big hurdles. Your Mum will be helping you along the way. The volunteering sounds perfect, as it is based on your interests, as you say it gets you out of the house and you have enough time outside of the volunteering. You are managing to go to places where you went as a family. I imagine that although emotional, you probably also feel close to your Mum in these places. The volunteering will be a distraction and a chance to talk with others. Your Mum will be cheering you on and so proud. It reminds me of that theory about grief where life starts to grow around the grief. The grief and love will always be there, but we carry on living with it. Your purpose (like mine) was your Mum. We cared for our Mums with all our heart and soul. Doing the volunteering at the Museum will give you a purpose, distraction and a way to help others. Helping others also helps us. I have been doing some sorting of my clothes, washing and ironing so that I can donate them to a charity. Mum always liked to donate to so I feel that I am doing this all with Mum in mind and for Mum. I’ve also been gardening - Mum’s garden. I like to keep it looking tidy as Mum loved her garden. You will no doubt be tired Stephen after a day out at Whitby. I visited there over 30 years ago .. lovely place. Take care
Hello Wuu, I have had situations like this. They are painful reminders of the wonderful life we had. Like you and your Mum, we were always seen together. I can feel your pain as it was a stark reminder of the sudden nature of your Mum’s illness and decline. It is really hard to accept as she was such a healthy person. I don’t think any of us on here can accept. I go over Mum’s cardiac arrest and why did I not challenge the doctors more when Mum had some early signs which they dismissed. It was reflective of you to gently remind the son to value his time with his parents. We get so caught up with everyday living that we never expect for things to change.
I feel so sorry for the loss of your mum. It’s so terribly hard isn’t it? My mum passed away from cancer too, last year May 1 2025. She was just 79 years by one month. She had Glioblastoma. Along side palliative Rennie Grove, NHS nurses I was mums primary carer. I lived with mum too. Prior to that she was always so fit and healthy. Always out and about. I miss her dreadfully as I know you miss your beloved mum too. Life is so unfair. I hope you will find a great deal of support from this platform. There are many of us here who are also looking at why our beautiful mums had to go? Cancer is dreadful and mum, the doctors said was so poorly they could do nothing more for her. And then my world fell apart. There are a great many of us here who I’ve been so lucky to find. That even in the depths of their own grief they will find the time to respond so kindly. Please keep posting when you feel you can. I am sure you will find this community very helpful too. Sending you warmest wishes. Take care. Wuu
Hello Bach, Very hard for your Dad. He must be feeling the loss of your Mum and must be missing her terribly. My dad never cried either. My Mum cried easily. Your Dad probably feels he needs to stay strong and especially for you. He probably really looks forward to your visits. Will you start your running now you are off after you’ve had a chance to unwind? It is both of our first summer break without our Mums. I am trying to keep busy. It is a distraction, but I can’t bear to ‘feel’ the reality of Mum not here … too much. We both at least don’t have to worry about getting everything sorted for the working week … takes the pressure off. Take care
Thank you for your beautiful message. I enjoyed visiting all the places where me, mam and dad used to go in Whitby. I had my keyring with me. I have two now. My original one and another with mam and dad on and on the back a picture of me and mam in Scarborough she has her arm through mine. And always smiling.
I have been in about 10 minutes. Ready for a bath and get the sunscreen off my face and arms. The only thing I expose to the sun. I have to be careful because I had a serious skin cancer six years ago.
Thank you for all your wonderful words and support. I said to mam yesterday though. I said: if you were here mam I wouldn’t be doing this. I wish you were back so I could care for you.
A good job well done washing and ironing the clothes you will donate. I don’t hold on to my own things, but like you, i have dad’s from 9 years ago and i have mam’s clothes as you will have your mum’s.
God bless and it is so kind and supportive of you as always. I appreciate every word. God bless and sending you all my warmest wishes. Stephen.
Hello Nandy, You are still at very early stages, although grief has no timeline. I lost my beloved Mum in October 2025. She had a cardiac arrest on the day that she was due home from successful hip surgery. She was medically fit for discharge. I lost my uncle shortly before Mum and my brother-in-law died from cancer in May. My Dad died when I was young. You also lost your sister and Dad, so I imagine that it feels doubly hard as the people who would normally support you, aren’t here. We are all heart broken on losing our Mums and Nan, but somehow I believe that through this awful situation that we find ourselves in, we are brought together to support each other. Our Mums and Nan have guided us to find this site and each other. Take it day by day and do whatever you need that feels right that helps you.
When I read that it will be your first summer without you beloved mum I thought that so sad. Then I suddenly thought it’s my second summer mums gone. And just where on earth the last summer went? It was wrapped up with loads of ‘death admin’ huge depression, crying and trying to navigate my now life going forward but oh my god so many stumbling blocks. Evening walks are a good idea. I re-started them too. It was something mum and me would do (even if it rained!) but short walks now, so as not to get wrapped up in my own thoughts. It took ages to listen to just the radio again. But I can at least now put my ear pods on and ‘escape’ with listening to stuff.
Have a peaceful evening. Sending you my warmest wishes. Wuu
It’s truly heartbreaking Stephen I lost my Dad in 2009 then my Sister in 2024 now my Mam in April this year the love I had for my Mam was beyond measure I have lost my best friend and now I’m an orphan with no one who has any memories of my childhood it’s hard to bear as I’m sure you completely understand x
Thank you Nandy. You will find a great deal of support here on this thread. Sending you virtual hugs. We are all here to support you. You will never be alone. Take care. Kindest wishes to you. Wuu
I been reading all posts but have struggled to post ,I been so depressed lately thought having a breakdown , seems I am struggling menopause also greaving my momma and my father dying , find so hard to message cause we all suffering, moms 1 year monday killed me my momma not with me , u would think one year later I feel ok absolutely rubbish I miss my mom so much, I am happy to see u all supporting each other, and this makes me happy, we all have to find someway of surviving this terrible pain, im sending love to u all my heart is with u the pain is real and god bless each and every one of you suffering xxx
the love I had for my Mam was beyond measure I have lost my best friend and now I’m an orphan with no one who has any memories of my childhood it’s hard to bear as I’m sure you completely understand x