Good morning Tigerlily2
Hope you are as well as we all can be given our sad situations. Thank you again for your support yesterday. It is very kind of you. I hope you have a reasonable day. You know why I say that and don’t use the word good don’t you.
Take care and best wishes. Stephen.
Good morning Wuu.
I hope you are as well as you can be given our sad losses. Thanks again for your kindness and support yesterday.
To keep myself from being home alone all day, I am nipping into Doncaster this morning. Me and mam always went once a week. Shopping, a couple of coffees and a bit of lunch. This is the third time I have been since she passed away.
It is only eight miles away. Not far and I have the car.
God bless and I send you all my best wishes. Stephen.
Good morning Sparrow 2.
How are you feeling today? Hope you have a reasonable day given your sad losses.
I am going into Doncaster today. I won’t see anyone at home, so I will go for a couple of hours. It is where me and mam went every week on the same day.
I feel sad being on my own. When mam could walk, we walked slowly with me linking her lovely little arm and the last year or so in her wheelchair.
Mam was always safe in her chair. I used to make her laugh when I started going a bit more quickly.
God bless and sending you all my best wishes Stephen.
Good morning mccoy1.
How are you feeling today? I know your nan will be at the forefront of your mind, as mam always is. With me, it starts from getting up to going to bed. Always thinking of mam.
My family, two nieces and a brother never visited much when mam was alive and now, nearly 11 weeks since mam passed, it is the same again. They won’t be here today.
So, I am going into Doncaster. A place where me and mam went every week without fail. I haven’t been many times since mam passed away, but it gets me out a couple of hours. It seems sad though without my beautiful mam either not linking my arm or me pushing her wheelchair.
God bless and all my best wishes. Stephen.
Morning @Stephen65
Yes I know what you mean. I never like to say have a good day on the site. A reasonable day is about the best you can hope for a lot of the time. Hope your day is reasonable too. Take care 
Thank you very much Tigerlily2.
You too. Best wishes. Stephen.
Hi Stephen
Yes she’s been on my mind all day oh I love her so much. I’ve missed everything about her 2day. I’ve seen a couple people this week who have been very sympathetic and said they had heard but that they knew it was always me and my nan and how am I coping. I really wanna say I’m gutted and not sleeping. But I end up chatting about her which seems a small comfort but also feel sad.
Thank you for asking today I really like sharing these messages.
How r u? How was your day at Doncaster?.I find familiar places go one of 2 ways I rather walk around like a dream imagining what me and my nan did together and get a sence of closeness or I get to upset then have to avoid them.
Sorry not messaged but im still struggling moms death , I keep listening to a song about dementia and it hurts why do we keep playing songs that hurt, my mom was so lost in dementia before her stroke , I lost her years ago been 5 years since I spoke her before her death , I am 10 months on and it still feels like yesterday, the pain is real here is the song https://youtu.be/PxEOWhspwEA?si=CxKail4dZbIUyNfE
I hope u are doing better than me x
Good evening mccoy1.
It is natural that your beloved nan is on your mind today and every day. I knew she would be, the same as mam is on mine. I completely understand how much you are missing her all of the time. I miss mam too the same.
It is good that you bumped into a couple of people today who knew you and your nan. They are being polite by asking you if you are okay and obviously you won’t be. I sometimes feel like saying the same about my feelings when I get a text from my brother or niece saying. Hope you are okay. Surely they know the answer.
Doncaster was okay thank you. I missed mam so much and when we went together mam was always saying due to her Alzheimer’s: where are we now Stephen? I could cry thinking of it. So I used to do a commentary. Right lovely mam we are just heading into Barnburgh village and then heading up this hill towards High Melton. It did really help mam and I still do it when I am in the car. Talking to her all of the time and telling her where we are. Good memories but equally heartbreaking.
It is great to keep messaging each other. It helps us greatly and we need all the support and kindness that we can get.
God bless and sending you all my best wishes Stephen 
Lfarley, I have just listened and the tears came. You loose twice with dementia. It makes the actual lose so much harder I think. Mum had no diagnosis, but I lost her 1.5 years ago … huge personality shift. She didn’t know my sister anymore. Mum died from a cardiac arrest, before things deteriorated. It was a very difficult year. It was hard as Mum and me were so close.
McCoy1, Reading your message resonates so much with me. It can all feel very surreal. Just like you and your Nan, people always saw Mum and me together. We would go on short walks together. It was difficult for her, but she liked being out and talking to people and she knew how important it was to keep mobile. Just like you, I either avoid a place as it is too painful or I gain a closeness from being there. It is good that you met someone to talk with about your Nan. I often find that they say something that my Mum had said to them, but I had forgotten. It jolts me as though Mum is saying it herself. Take care.
Good morning absolutely hurts cause dementia is so cruel, moms stroke killed her in the end so I totally understand the pain the loss im 10 months in and still like yesterday, dementia is the cruelest disease ever seeing them get more and more lost is heartbreaking, my mom suffered a lot before the stroke she had no idea what she was doing , couldn’t talk couldn’t cook couldn’t even get dressed alone, used to mumble to herself in mirror as she didnt know it was her , absolutely devastating , least now not suffering mom had vascular dementia, I remember her saying I hate this i know what i want to say but comes out wrong and crying saying and its going to get worse ,she was right, it got so bad , how are you doing Lisa x
Hello Lisa, My uncle’s dementia sounds similar to your Mums. My Mum brought him up as her Dad died and her Mum had to go out to work. She used to come with me to see her brother when he was unwell. We always visited each other beforehand. For Mum, I think it was earlier stage, as she lost the sense of time and her personality changed. That part of her life I find hard to cope with as it was a more recent memory and I started to ‘lose’ her then, but Mum had a cardiac arrest before anything progressed further. Before the last year or so, life was very different. For me, I am numb with triggers and then it hits me. Mum and I used to look after each other. Mum was so lovely. She would do anything for anyone. If I stop and think about Mum I cry. I always open the curtains in Mum’s room and tell her ‘Good Morning.’
Hi Lfarley
Your message with the song link was very sad. I’d never heard the song before or knew the singer but reading the comments posted about the song really struck a cord. The lyrics are very powerful. And at the end of the clip we are just left watching an empty window.
My mum passed from glioblastoma. From being seemingly just fine, walking about doing her hair, makeup, everything to her getting super sick and being diagnosed in hospital with stage 4 brain tumour was totally devastating. The deteriorating health was just 2 weeks. There was nothing seemingly wrong with mum before. The symptoms were like a stroke she was very weak on one side then one week later couldn’t keep her self upright even in chair. Totally bed bound. Then slept the whole time and then stopped talking and then stopped eating and drinking, just sips from an oral syringe of water. Mum was strong mentally but her body gave out. She lasted just about 6 months with round the clock palliative care. Her deteriorating health was so fast that now a year on from her passing I can’t get past the sadness. It’s a little piece of us that disappears when they’ve gone.
I wish you strength and comfort in coping with your loss too. W
Hi Sparrow 2
I find that I find I seek out moments that remind me of mum. I have so many lovely mum pictures on my phone of these different places. Always smiling. I do talk very quietly to her in some of the spaces we used to visit. And then I ask her to comeback with me. I ask for her opinion on this and that as I used to do. I think as time moves on though, she is not around quite so much. But I still want her to be. That makes me feel even worse. I use to think to my self that if visiting these places is making me feel so sad then don’t go. But that would leave me with very little places left as we went everywhere together. Time does move on but it’s still a struggle isn’t it. Sending you warmest wishes. W
Yes it keeps her memory alive. I always want to talk about her.People always ask in the village as they knew we were so close and she is such a poplar person. She worked in the local youth club till Covid.
We were always together and when we were not on the odd occasion she always bragged about me she was so proud. Was my biggest cheerleader and mine hers.
I wish I could go back to being little and cuddle her extra tight.
Hello Mccoy1
I was at the hospital early this morning for an appointment. I was early. Got there at 8.00am for a 9.00am appointment, so I sat in the main entrance reading.
A bit further down was one of the nurses who looked after mam in the hospital. She saw me and we spoke for about 5 minutes. She started by asking me if mam was back in hospital. I was nearly crying at this point, but didn’t. I told her and she gave her condolences. She said your mam was a wonderful lady. All the nurses agreed and she said that they all agreed that I was the most devoted son they had ever seen.
I thanked her because it was lovely to hear and she didn’t have to say it.
I miss mam so much. A very heartbreaking day again just like others. I
Best wishes Stephen.
I listen to music it helps to get some grief out at times thanks for sharing.I read your messages about your mum. I totally agree about dementia it’s arwful I’m so scared by it. It effects so many aswell.The horror of it makes me cry aswell as the passing. Anything can make it progress aswell. She broke her shoulder and it went terrible. I always have what ifs of how I could have changed things which makes me so sad.
My nan in the end stages couldn’t feed herself walk or wash or dress. She was so agitated and worried. Then after the stroke she couldn’t speak properly but I found r connection helped me know what she wanted.
All this makes me forget what she was b4 dementia. Poor beautiful nan.
Hi again.
Well you did well to go is so hard.But again people noticed your dedication to your mum which is nice and you should be proud as you know your mam is of you and your caring nature it is one of the many reasons she loved you so much.
I find the hospital horrific I went a couple months ago and had a panick attack. It was so overwhelming as my nan had been in so departments there. I felt like where was she it was arwful.
Me nan would go mad me being this sad I need to remember that. She would say it can’t be helped.
Hello Mccoy1.
I over the years, have been in the hospital as a patient and attended many appointments at Barnsley hospital. When I was younger mam was always with me.
They have always done well for me. However, since mam was in there for nearly 3 weeks, I completely hate the place. I think about mam in there.
I went everyday to see mam from 9.00am on a morning until 8.00pm at night and I never wanted to leave her then. I could not wait until the next morning to see her again and see she was okay.
As you say, your nan would tell you to be not as sad. I think that about mam too. However, as much as we both know what they would say, it doesn’t stop us from being totally bereft and heartbroken.
As I am sat in my chair now reading I look across to mam’s chair with her cushion in it with a picture of her on it and say to her: are you alright mam?
I cannot help it. In all the pictures of mam in the house and the cushion covers, mam is constantly smiling at me. She looks so happy, but then she always was. We had our life together and it suited us both.
God bless and sending you all my kindest regards Stephen.