Missing mum

I lost my beautiful mum suddenly just over 6 weeks ago at the young age of 57! she was truly my bestest friend! I feel so lost & empty! Up until now I’ve just gone with the waves of emotions but I’m struggling to come to terms with the loss of such a big part of my life that’s now gone! I’d speak with mum every night & I feel so angry she was just taken form me!! I have two young girls who are 3 & 5 they absolutely adored there nanny so I’m havin to try & be strong for them! Ive probably not been lookin after myself as I should have for the sake of bein strong for my girls! I’ve been to see my doctor who had now signed me off work with depression! I’m just totally heartbroken!

Hi Jayne,
I’m so sorry for the recent loss of your mum. 57 is so young and you must be feeling awful.
You are in good company on this forum as there are a group of us who has all lost our mums suddenly in recent months and talk every day. We have all been a real comfort when no one else in our worlds seem to understand.
My mum was wonderful and helped me bring up my 12 year old daughter. She had loved in with us last year and life was brilliant. She was 74 but so young minded and funny. She had the energy to amuse my daughter when I didnt. She was the rock of our house and never even caught colds and flu when the rest of us were ill and grumpy. We used to say that she would outlive us all and I genuinely thought she would go on for another 20 years.
In June she had a routine operation to clear a blocked artery. She had recently found out she had it after a few tests and it was a massive stroke risk so she readily agreed to the hour surgery under local anaesthetic. 15 minutes into the recovery room mum told the surgeon she felt funny down one side. She then became unconscious and never woke again. We turned her life support off the following day. Since then my life is a blur. I had 3 months off sick from work, I could barely function.
I’m so down all the time, and nearly 6 months down the line I cry every day.
My daughter is completely devastated and I am arranging counselling through her school.
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and there are plenty of us going through the same, in denial and experiencing such sadness.
Cheryl x

Aww I’m so sorry to hear this :pensive::cry: my mum had a stroke 12 years ago lost almost all of her sight & had some issues along the way but nothin that threatened her life! She was on warfarin her kidneys had been damaged, part of her brain & a valve in her heart due to the stroke! Then the last months before she died she was suffering with colitis in & out of hospital the last trip in hospital the colitis had got that bad the only thing they could do was remove her bowel! They told us all that she may not make the operation due to her health but she did!! She was a fighter!! She was in high dependency unit! Then the nxt day we were told she had two seizures in the night & her organs wer failing :sob: they were doin all they could to help her! A few days had passed & they were happy with her progress small steps but in the right direction! Coming from a big family I have two sisters & a brother & mum had 14 grandchildren we were all ther supporting her!! My dad was brilliant so strong! Then the night before she passed me & my sister were with her on the ward she was sayin this is shit! Which it was! And that she wanted to go! We knew then that she had had enough :sob: we told her too keep fighting & that we loved her!! The nxt morning we had the call to get in ASAP where the dr had told us there was no more they could do for mum she was just too weak & with us all around her she peacefully passed away at 3:50pm on the 27th October the absolute worse day of my life :broken_heart::broken_heart:

Jayne,
That’s awful and your mum was so young to suffer for the last 12 years as well. I am very lucky that my mum was happy and healthy right up till she died. It doesnt help deal with the loss though no matter how each of us have lost our mums.
Dont feel you need to be strong all the time for your children. There is nothing wrong with seeing you cry and experts agree that hiding grief from children can cause issues further down the line.
I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack when he was 53 as well. Keep talking on here, it will help.
It’s a horrible time of the year anyway if you arent happy, we just have to get through it xx

Hi yes my doctor said that there nothing wrong with the kids seeing me upset it will also help them too! My 5 year old knows it’s alright to cry! I still haven’t got my head around the fact she isn’t here :broken_heart: Christmas will be very hard this year but my mum would want us to have a good one I just can’t seem to get past the fact she won’t be here for it! Or anything else for that matter! Life is so cruel!! Xxx

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It’s really really quite horrific. Xmas isn’t helping either. I just want to hide under a duvet. My mum died on the 26th August. She feels so far away now. I miss her desperately I do know how you feel

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I’m so sorry to hear that! People tell me it never goes away it just gets easier to live with & right now I can’t ever see me gettin over this :broken_heart: xx

Hi Jayne, your post of one of those posts which touched my heart and brought me to tears when I read it. Where the hell do these emotions come from? I’m so sorry for you and your family. Life is just not fair. The day we lose our mum’s is easily described as the worst day of our lives and quite rightly. They have always been there, we’ve had a relationship with them longer than with anyone else and that relationship is unique and will never be repeated again. All that unconditional love too, so much lost.
I lost my mum suddenly 15 weeks tomorrow. She was with me and my family while we were all on holiday together. It was the last day of our wonderful holiday where we did so many memorable things together. I awoke on the last day and and found out she was sat up in bed with breathing difficulties. I didn’t think she was about to die but within the space of an hour after or so after that 999 call she was gone. 45 minutes of CPR and oxygen did nothing It was truly awful seeing her die like that. To top it all, it was my 10th wedding anniversary and her last words were to tell us about our present and card. Unbelievably thoughtful to the end.
I have a 6 year old daughter who absolutely loved her grandma and she has been amazing, she knows what’s happened, but somehow manages to light up the day.
As you will see, there are many of us going through this horrible mill at the moment wondering what the future holds. There are lots of wonderful people here to talk to about just about anything you have on your mind.
Take as long as you need to work through your grief and take care.
Shaun x

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Hi babe, it’s awful I lost my mom 11 weeks ago, I truly don’t think it’s sunk in yet, I walk round like a zombie most the time, the people on here have been amazing and so understanding our moms are amazing and leave such a massive whole in your soul, I think this changes you, I have 3 young children so need to do Christmas ( don’t want to ) but also be kind to yourself , I don’t cry yet just feel lost but that’s ok as all these lovely people have said in here xxx

I’m truly overwhelmed by the support! I don’t want to celebrate Christmas either but have to for the children! There are a lot of us going through this awful time! Much love to each & everyone of you!! I find it very difficult at night I suppose that’s when I think the most of my beautiful mum :sparkling_heart: and all the pain she was in the last few weeks makes me so sad :disappointed:

It haunts me what my mum went through and noone even knew. Just fobbed off at the Drs. I didn’t even go and visit her (I live 250 miles away). As we were told it was just a bad back and a cough.

I wish I could sleep through Xmas.

I told you there were lots of us Jayne! X

Hi Jayne, I sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum suddenly 9 weeks ago. She had pneumonia and had a massive heart attack in hospital. I’m still stunned by it.
I understand as does everyone on here, how traumatic, raw, shocking and upsetting it all feels. I’ve spent the day around the shops. I wonder how Christmas will ever be the same again?
I’m totally heartbroken too. This place helps, as people truly understand how painful it all feels.

Hello Daffy so sorry to hear this :cry: it’s heartbreaking isn’t it! I just totally feel lost don’t want to do anything keep askin myself why has this happened! Life will never be the same now for any of us :sob: I have found this forum to be very helpful as we are all goin through the same shit time!

I’m having a day of denial and numbness. Which means tomorrow will be a day of crying and pain.

Hi jooles

I totally get it, an okish day is always followed by a hard one xx

Love Justine x

I tend to cry and get terribly upset one day and the know that following day I just can’t do that to myself.

I’ve been dwn all day just feel totally lost! The closer Christmas is gettin the worse i feel :sob: can’t seem to get out this black hole I’m in!!

It really is a shit time. I’ve had a weird week. Numb and in denial. But today it’s hit me again.

It was only 6 weeks ago Jayne. Expect it to be like this.
I’m nearly 6 months in and it’s still so hard but it does get easier to function x

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