Missing Mum

hi everyone, I hope you are all doing ok today! Thank you so much for all your kind messages it means so much to me. The Government announcements this week have been quite hard for me as they take me back to beginning of my nightmare in March :frowning: My dad lives 160 miles away, I hate to think of him on his own every day, he’s become such a lost little soul without mum

@MrsRL I hope you are ok today, these milestones are so tough, thinking of you!

@MrsRL Thought are with u on your 6 months of loss. @DollyMitch my dad lives 2 doors down and he’s a wee lost soul aswell. They literally made tea together, one put in the milk and the other put the water in.
I’m trying but mums shoes are very, very big to fill (& she was only a wee size 3).

@DianaT my mum was a size 3 too!! Only 4ft11 but my god did she have a big heart. Your mum sounds exactly like mine, I miss her so much but seeing my dad so fragile makes it so much harder to bear. How are you doing at the moment? Ive found its become easy to put on a show for everyone else that you are doing alright but keeping it going is exhausting :frowning:

@DollyMitch my mum was shy of 5ft too. Im the queen of putting a face on it. I often can’t control crying cause I hold it in so much, I even cried in my car after visiting a family for work and went home and crawled in my bed and didn’t move the rest of the day. I have took mums role on I do everything for my dad and I’m the baby of the family and my sister’s are looking at me for everything. I organise the funeral, got my dads financial fixed, I pay his bills, I give him his ‘pocket money’ and he gives me the ‘keep money’ that’s what my mum and dad called the shopping money.
It will get easier on us girls but I don’t know when definitely not months, but years. It Will stop hurting as much and when we think about them we will be able to smile or cry with happy memories @Abdullah @MrsRL @Christine18

@DollyMitch thank you, today has been very hard. I have a few days when I think I’m ok then it hits me. I’m the same as you though and I put on a front that I’m doing OK when I’m really not. I struggle to speak to anyone close to me about it all as well. My Dad isn’t a big talker anyway and is like me really not showing how he really feels, although I know he struggles too. I agree, it’s exhausting! I also find myself being anxious about my Dad a lot now and worrying about him being alone etc.

@DianaT thank you. Bless your Dad. It must be very hard on him losing his soul mate. It’s good you live so close and I’m sure he appreciates you a lot.

How is everyone else doing? x

@DianaT our posts crossed I think. I’m the same as you and helped my Dad with everything. My Mum used to do it all, he didn’t even know how to do things like text very well or check the bank etc. I’ve taught him a lot and he’s got really good at it, bless him.
I really hope it does get easier, but agree it’s more likely years. I hope we can continue to post on here for support as long as we need to.

Hi @MrsRL, I hope you’re feeling a bit better today after the 6 month to the day of your mum’s passing yesterday. They’re always so difficult.

So glad you’re able to post and talk about your mum, @DollyMitch. Hopefully that will help.

Yes, it is so difficult when a parent dies and the other is left on their own, isn’t it? We not only have to suffer with the loss of one parent, we have to suffer with seeing the other parent suffer.

You’re correct @DianaT, it will get easier, but it will probably take many months, if not a year or more, and that’s ok, we just need to be patient I guess. Hope everyone has an ok day today.

Hi everyone
I hope you are all doing ok today! I’m glad it’s Friday tomorrow as been a long week, although Saturdays are always tough and it’s nearly 6 months for me too.

You are so right @Abdullah about suffering of watching someone we love suffer too, it’s so sad for everyone.

I’ve lost some close family and friends in the past but grief didn’t grip on to me as hard as it has with mum, I’m only starting to understand how devastated she was to lose my Nan, and she had my Nan for 17yrs longer than I’ve had.

Hi,
My husband surprise me with a weekend away for my anniversary, I don’t know how I feel about it. I know he’s only being nice.

Dear all, hope you’re all coping ok today.

@DollyMitch, I am glad that the weekend is approaching so you can get rest from work. We just don’t appreciate grief until it happens to us, do we? My mum’s dad was killed in a hit and run in a foreign country when I was 6, I remember my dad telling her and her having a nervous breakdown and dad having to call the doctor, and how sad she used to be afterwards, but I never appreciated her pain, I guess I was too young then, but she lost her mum when I was 27 and even then I didn’t appreciate her loss. Only now do I know just how devastating grief is.

@DianaT, that is a very nice gesture by your husband to take you away. Presumably your dad will be ok whilst you’re gone? Does he have his dialysis at hospital? My dad was on dialysis too, and was doing so well despite being given 6 months by doctors to live in 2018 as he had heart failure too but he did so well that the doctors were amazed, but he sadly got Covid in March and then died in April.

If you are able to go away I hope you do and that the change of scenery helps you, I know it’s a cliche, but it’s what your mum would have wanted and you deserve to be able to get away from all the pain in your life.

Hi I also lost my mum in march and I totally understand how your feeling .my mum passed away on 10th march from COPD …she was 75 .I miss her every single day .I also feel like I’ve not had chance to grieve properly due to covid .I feel cheated that we couldnt have a proper funeral for mum too .my heart physically hurts when i think about her .i am an only child so it’s so hard to get through this without any siblings to share my feelings with .I have a good husband and great grown up kids but noone can take away these sad feelings .my heart hurts for you love x
Cath

Hi @Abdullah how is your weekend going? You are so right, we see their sadness but it’s only we become them that we really understand. I thought mum would become a little old lady that I would look after and still be taking for afternoon tea but that future was robbed.

Hi @Lavender64 I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, life is so cruel, I’m also an only child and the pressure of trying to cope and handle everything for my dad and nobody to share it with is incredibly tough so I completely understand what you are going through, feel free to talk on here, always happy to listen (read!)

So sorry to hear about your mum @Lavender64 - it must be difficult for people like you and Dolly, who are only childs, to cope with the loss of your mums.

I am ok, @DollyMitch, I just keep myself busy with the football on the radio over the weekends. It keeps my mind off the worries and sadness. Yes, that future has gone, it is so sad, isn’t it? I hope your weekend has been ok, and you have been able to relax because you seemed to have had a busy week at work.

Hope everyone else is also doing ok. Take care.

Thank for responding …it means so much to talk to someone who understands how I’m feeling. My dad is also going through lots of health problems and a lot of guilt .mum n dad didnt see eye to eye very much and now he feels bad about it . I’ve never seen him show emotion like this .which is hard to watch and deal with too . I looked after mum for the last few years so I feel a massive void in my life right now too .I try think of all the good times and funny times we had but sometimes I think of the last few months of her life and it kills me inside …its my birthday next month and I’m dreading my first birthday without a mum ! All these firsts are so hard. I hope you have lots of support around you to help you get through this horrible time …sending love your way xx

Hi all. Sorry I haven’t had chance to message for a few days. I hope you’re all OK.

@Abdullah thank you. I had some tough days
@DollyMitch sorry it is coming up to 6 months for you too. I think losing a Mum is a devastating loss. No one loves you so unconditionally like a Mum does. I think the same of my Mum, she lost hers when she was only 11. She never really liked Christmas as she lost her at Christmas, I can understand why now. Although she always made a big effort for me. I thought the same of my Mum, that she would be a little old lady but that future has been taken away.

@DianaT that is lovely of your husband. It might help to get away. I went away not long ago and it helped to do something different for a while.

@Lavender64 hi and welcome. So sorry for the loss of your Mum in March too. I feel the same as you about all of it. I’m an only child too, so it is hard that no one else can really understand. I now find myself worried about my Dad and how he is coping alone. Please continue to post if it helps. My birthday was just a month after my Mum passed away during lockdown, I didn’t celebrate.

xx

Sorry @Abdullah my message didn’t display properly. I had some tough days and some ok days if I was busy. Hope you’re OK.

Awww @MrsRL, I am so sorry to hear that your mum lost her mum at Christmas, and when she was so young. How difficult must that have been for her. I am sorry to hear you had some tough days, but glad you at least had some ok days, let’s hope there are more ok days and less tough days for you this week.

@Abdullah I’m sorry about Ur dad. My dad gets dialysis 3 times a week. He’s doing so well last November he was admitted to ICU, tubed, renal failure, heart attack and respiratory failure and you would never imagined it looking at him now he’s doing great. Thanks for asking.
But when u look at Ur dad who was such a big man and did everything to give u everything and how frail he is now, that breaks u aswell.
@DollyMitch @MrsRL @Abdullah yeah it was nice getting away, but we eventually have to come back to reality.
Hi @Lavender64 nice to hear from you. I’m sorry u list Ur mum. Hopefully the physical pain in our hearts will lessen in time. But it’s do hard.
I said the other day, at the dinner table, I had to ask my mum to come shopping with me to help me pick a watch for my husband’s birthday in October. I feel this is hard forgetting shed not there to just chat to or forget and just assume she’s there.

Dear @DianaT, that is absolutely FANTASTIC news about your dad and how well he is coping with dialysis. May he continue that way for many more years to come.

Hi everyone, I hope you are all keeping ok, I’ve been feeling a little up and down last couple of days, ever since I’ve seen some Xmas bits and pieces in Aldi (It’s only September!) but I keep thinking mum wouldn’t want me to feel bad so I try to keep myself busy.

@MrsRL sorry you had a few tough days, it really is a wave of emotions isn’t it! Hopefully you are doing better now!
It’s amazing how much we all have in common with our situations isn’t it.

@Lavender64 I feel your pain over the birthday, you can talk to us about how you are feeling. it’s my 40 after Xmas, my husband wants to celebrate but like @MrsRL I can’t face any kind of celebration.

@DianaT I’m so pleased you had a nice time, it can be so tough trying to enjoy normal things that the focus becomes on doing it to keep those around us happy (which I find myself doing a lot). Hopefully you will get to do it again soon if it helps.

How are you getting on @Abdullah? Plenty of football at the moment to listen, my husband seems to have it on all the time lately!!