Hi all, I sadly lost my Mum to lung cancer in March. I still can’t believe she has gone. We spoke everyday and were close, she was a friend as well as a Mum. She was always very fit and healthy up until she was ill, she never smoked so it was a shock for her to get lung cancer. She was young too at 63 when she died. Cancer took away the person that she was and she went from a very fit and independent person to one that had to rely on others to help her. Although she had been ill, she went very suddenly at the end and they believe it was her heart that took her as even the doctors weren’t expecting her to go so soon as she was due to start another round of chemo. She was always very positive throughout it all as well, which made it even more of a shock when she was gone. I think we sometimes believe our parents will go on forever. I still don’t feel like I have grieved properly and covid19 also made it very hard to do so as we couldn’t see anyone when it first happened. She also couldn’t have the funeral she deserved because of it. My son is too young to fully understand it all, which is also hard. He has changed so much in just 6 months and she has already missed out on so much. I find it difficult to speak to people I know about how I’m feeling so wanted to post on here and talk to people in an unfortunately similar situation.
Hi RL, it is so difficult to lose a parent, especially when they are our best friend. My dad was my best friend, so I know how you are feeling. My mum’s dad was killed in a hit and run in a foreign country when I was 6, I remember how my mum was sick when she was told, how she used to cry, but I was too young to understand her pain, and feel really sad I couldn’t support her, so I also understand what you mean when you say your son is too young to understand it all. It’s often easier to talk on here about our grief so I am glad you posted, and hopefully you will be able to get some comfort by talking to others on here.
Hi Abdullah,
Thank you for taking the time to reply. So sorry for your loss too. Thank you for sharing your experience. It does help to talk on here and I will continue to post for the support. 
I am glad you find it helps to talk on here. It might also be a good idea to jump onto some existing threads to talk about yuor grief, as sometimes people don’t have the time to read new posts that havebeen created.
I’m so sorry about Ur mum. I suddenly lost my 66 year old,got as a fiddle, mum on 3rd April to a cerebral brain hemorrhage. Me on the inside, Im falling apart, shattered, insomnia, crying over the smallest thing. Me too everyone else I’m strong, holding my family together, looking after my dad and coping. 110% wrong I’m broken and shattered crying when no-one is around. I think I’m meant to be helping you, but I can’t even help myself.
Hi MrsRL,
I just want to reach out to you as I’ve been in your situation. I lost my mum to cancer on 28.11.17 - seeing that date written down feels like it was a long time ago but it doesn’t feel like long ago to me. We discovered mum had bladder cancer on Xmas Eve 2016, the consultant explained what he planned to do in an operation and that this cancer would not kill her. A date was set in March 2017 when she had a big operation which removed her bladder and other organs. She came home about 5 days after her operation to recover and we were all so happy she was home and well. She was due a follow up appointment with her consultant in July and a CT scan was given during the app. A letter from the consultant was sent in August which confirmed that all cancer was gone. But, at this time mum was not able to keep anything down. For weeks she was in to see a GP or they’d be called out because she was so ill. They thought she may have gallstones and gastric flu another time, they didn’t know what was wrong with her but they never sent her to hospital for investigation. They too had received a copy of the surgeons letter so were not concerned it was anything to worry about. The day mum received that letter she said to my dad we should really take the family out for a meal tonight to celebrate…but she was too ill. Eventually mum was sent to hospital after weeks of being unable to eat without being sick and having lost so much weight. There they discovered she has a tumour attached to her bowel and It was inoperable. She never came home. My lovely mum passed away in our local hospice with me and my son holding her hand. She was 70 years old. My mum was my best friend, we holidayed together, shopped together, done everything together. If I didn’t see her, I spoke on the phone to her, she was very much involved in my families life. Her loss has been devastating to us all and my poor dad has lost his soulmate. I haven’t coped very well with the loss, I was in denial at first when they told us at the hospital she only had 2-3 weeks left. I thought my mum and dad would be with me forever. My mum didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, ate a healthy diet and if I’m honest I expected my dad to go before my mum. I’ve had every emotion over the last couple of years and never thought I’d be where I am now. I finally accept my mum has gone and nothing is going to bring her back and I can finally talk about memories of her without crying. But it’s been so, so hard, because I loved my mum so much as I’m sure you did and it’s horrible without them here but it does get easier to cope with as time goes on. 6 months is a short period of time in this journey, especially with the added stress of COVID. It’s going to take time. Hope I haven’t blethered on too much but wanted to share my story with you. xx
@DianaT so sorry for the loss of your Mum at such a young age too. That must have been and still is a terrible shock for you. Is there anyone else you can talk to about how you’re feeling? Or if it helps post to us on here. I’ve found it helpful talking to people in a similar situation to me. There are also ways to access counselling if you think it would help through your GP, Sue Ryder offers free sessions and also cruse is another one recommended. I personally don’t feel ready for that yet but find talking to others in an unfortunately similar situation does help. I’ve been given some great tips such as writing down how you’re feeling in a journal or online blog etc. It has also been suggested having an area in the garden such as a bench and flowers where you can go and feel close to your Mum. This is something I’m considering as my Mum loved the garden. Now is also the time to plant bulbs for spring so someone suggested planting some flowers in Mum’s memory to enjoy in spring. I know spring will be hard for me in particular as my Mum’s birthday is the first day of spring and she died 2days later, but it might bring at least some comfort. Take care and look after yourself, keep talking x
@DianaT so sorry for the loss of your Mum at such a young age too. That must have been and still is a terrible shock for you. Is there anyone else you can talk to about how you’re feeling? Or if it helps post to us on here. I’ve found it helpful talking to people in a similar situation to me. There are also ways to access counselling if you think it would help through your GP, Sue Ryder offers free sessions and also cruse is another one recommended. I personally don’t feel ready for that yet but find talking to others in an unfortunately similar situation does help. I’ve been given some great tips such as writing down how you’re feeling in a journal or online blog etc. It has also been suggested having an area in the garden such as a bench and flowers where you can go and feel close to your Mum. This is something I’m considering as my Mum loved the garden. Now is also the time to plant bulbs for spring so someone suggested planting some flowers in Mum’s memory to enjoy in spring. I know spring will be hard for me in particular as my Mum’s birthday is the first day of spring and she died 2days later, but it might bring at least some comfort. Take care and look after yourself, keep talking x
@Christine18 thank you for taking the time to reply. So sorry for the loss of your Mum too. I can imagine it doesn’t feel like a long time for you. Your story sounds very upsetting. 70 is no age either. I’m the same as you, I spoke to my Mum daily, she was my best friend. I always went to her for her opinion or advice. I could talk to her about anything. Now that’s all gone. My dad has too, yesterday would have been their 45th anniversary. He doesn’t show how he’s really feeling and hides it well, like me! I do think covid has definitely made it even harder. I also find people that said they would be there for me no longer ask how I am or say things that upset me really, whether intentionally or not. I feel unless you have been through the loss of a parent it’s impossible to understand. I find myself quite anxious some days, I have always been quite an anxious person but now can feel it more. I worry a lot about my Dad being alone and also find myself worrying about losing someone else. I think it has opened my eyes to the fact no one is around forever, even though I probably knew this deep down, now my Mum has gone, it has really hit home. Thanks again for sharing your story x
Sorry for the duplicate posts, but it won’t let me delete the first one I made in error.
Dear @DianaT and @Christine18, I am so sorry that like @MrsRL, you have lost your lovely mums. They meant so much to you, and they are irreplaceable. Neither of you need to apologise for not being of much help or going on, this forum works when we are able to talk about our grief without judgement. We all have a story to tell, and our grief gets better when others are there to listen to us. That’s what makes this forum such a helpful place. I am glad you both posted here, hopefully by sharing our experiences and talking to one another, the pain and turmoil in our lives will be slightly reduced. Please take care.
Iv never chatted in a wee group like this. It’s really weird writing bit down, but it helps to chat to non-family. Everyone think I should be able to deal with death because I’m a nurse. I still have a heart aswell. To be honest I knew she was away on 4th February when the hemorrhage burst, but she survived till April cause she was always stubborn (typical Glasgow lady) . I knew with a the tests and and the type of aneurysm that hope was slim, but my family seen me as always down hearted. I went to see her everyday and washed her, did her hair and thing and they went to work I tried to tell them time was short but they wouldn’t listen. So o am happy I had that time with her
@DianaT I feel the same, it helps to chat to non family and those that understand. Of course you have a heart, and it’s very different when it’s your own Mum. It must have been so hard being a nurse and knowing what was happening. It sounds like you did the very best for your Mum and made her proud I’m sure. I’m glad you got to have that time with her.
Hi everyone, I’ve been on here since April but never felt ready to post before. I’m 39 and I lost my mum suddenly in April. She was only 66 and in good health. She hadn’t been feeling very well with stomach ache and was rushed into hospital where they found an infected kidney stone, she went into surgery and they let me visit afterwards in ICU where she seemed so much better so I said goodbye to let her rest not realising it would be my biggest mistake as I never saw her again. The hospital was shut down for covid-19 the following day and I got a call to say she was in septic shock, a week later after being on a ventilator, the sepsis went for her lungs and we were called in to say goodbye. My heart is broken, I can’t bear to think of what happened so I pretend she’s at home with my dad. Whenever the truth hits me I feel sick and scared so I switch it off again. She was/is my best friend in the whole world and I cant accept I will never see or speak to her again. I just want you all to know I understand what you are feeling and going through and I only hope it gets easier to live with for us all over time
Dear Dolly, I am so sorry of the terrible pain you have suffered after losing your beloved mother. Losing your parent when they are your best friend is incrediby painful. Talking about it can be so difficult, so it is understandable why you haven’t posted before. If and when you are ready to talk more about her and about how you are doing, then we will be here for you. Please look after yourself.
Hi @DollyMitch, so very sorry for the loss of your Mum. I’m glad you’ve felt able to post here. I was the same and only recently been able to post about it . Your Mum was taken so young too 
I’m 34 and my Mum was just 63. Until my Mum was diagnosed with cancer she had always been in good health and fit, so I can understand your shock. I’m so sorry that you didn’t get to say goodbye properly. I feel Covid-19 has made our situations so much harder. I had been avoiding getting too close to my Mum so as not to put at her risk, I didn’t get to say goodbye properly either as wasn’t expecting her to go so soon and I wasn’t there when she died (luckily she had my Dad). I cannot believe it sometimes either and pretend it isn’t real, as when I think about it I can’t cope with the reality of it, of the fact I face a future without her. I really hope it does get better for us. From other people’s perspective, I don’t think the grief ever goes away but I guess you learn to live with it and the pain. I can’t imagine being there yet though. Feel free to message on here if you want to chat or send me a message if it would help, that applies to anyone on this thread x
@MrsRL thank you so much for Ur kind words. Ur right it does help to chat. I also love when people tell me stories about mum, the time she got asked for ID in the walkabout pub (someone was leaving her work) cause the guy said she was too old 
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@DollyMitch @MrsRL @Abdullah @Christine18
It is really strange to read all of Ur stories. They all sound so similar I’m 41 and my mum was 66 she done everything for everyone. She was my dads career, he’s on renal dialysis, she picked my 6 year old up the day she haemorrhaged, she listened to me moan/rant and cry, she was everything. I sometimes forget she’s not there as it didn’t seem real. I’m with you DollyM. Why our mums they sounded amazing. But remember amazing mums make awesome Daughters, and we wouldn’t be here chatting if we weren’t a bit lost.
@DianaT it is strange as unfortunately we do have similar stories. It does help to know we’re not alone. My mum was the same and before becoming ill she did everything for everyone, she was always on the go. Cancer took away from her the person she was, she was always fine in her mind but physically cancer stole her. All of our Mum’s sounded amazing as you say and were all taken too soon. It is definitely helping chatting to you all.
Today is hard for me as it’s exactly 6 months since I lost my Mum so it has been a struggle for me the last few days. I still can’t believe she has gone!