Hi dollymitch
Just picking up on what you just said about your birthday. I’ve had so many people ask me what im doing to celebrate my 50th birthday early next year.
I dont want to celebrate another birthday again without my mum. I dont understand how people think. My mum died suddenly aged 74, 15 months ago and I am permanently unhappy. I thought I would be celebrating my 50th with my mum and have her well into my 60s.
I completely understand how you feel.
Cheryl
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@C1971 @DollyMitch I’m not looking forward to Christmas at all. Mum loved Christmas, I made her a beautiful wreath last year that she loved and it’s looking at things like that.
I have to put up decoration because my wee one is only 6. I love Christmas and I have usually started planning it by now and buying present 
.
How am I ment to find the strength for everyone? I don’t know how long my dad has, usually around 3/4 years once dialysis starts. I want to have happy times but I don’t know how.
@Lavender64 I hope u find something to remember your birthday. I can hear my mum voice telling me to get her decoration up and don’t forget the Christmas cards for the street and always put the door number in the corner.
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Thanks for everybody’s support and helpful words . My world has been turned upside down and some days I dont know which way to turn or how to feel .the smallest of things can just set me off …a song …a programme on tv . Or just someone saying something to me .I’m glad I can chat on here so I dont have to bother my hubby …he prefers not to talk about my mum in case it upsets me .but sometimes i need to talk about her …thanks guys x
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Hi DianaT
I have a 13 year old and last year she said ‘I’m so excited for xmas’ I thought how can she say that?
She just lost her wonderful nanny and I’ve lost my mum. How can she be excited for anything anymore?
Kids are so different to us. My mum was her 2nd mum and yet after a few days my daughter never mentioned her. You will put up those decorations and enjoy watching your little one enjoy xmas. It wont be the same but its still possible. I avoided all shops last year. I bought everything online and found the whole period so painful. I cant believe I’m facing the second xmas without mum x
Definitely lavender64
Men arent great at talking. My partner never used to know what to say. Talking on here really does help x
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Yep I’m going to miss her 70’s prawn cocktail and dry turkey 
. It was awful, I never told her , but I loved every minute of it.
@C1971 my wee one has already started to mark all the stuff he wants in the Smyth’s magazine.
He was also asking the other day if his lizzard would die and when he has babies will I leave like Nannie. My heart breaks 
Hi everyone,
@DianaT I’m glad your Dad is doing well at the moment and I do hope it continues. I’m glad you also had a nice time away, but like you say we have to come back to reality, which isn’t easy. I’m not looking forward to Christmas either, if it wasn’t for my son I probably wouldn’t do anything. He is only 3 so I will obviously make the effort for him. I think focusing on him will be the only thing getting me through. I’ve seen others saying they set a place at the table for their lost loved ones, maybe do something like that if your Mum loved Christmas too. Bless your son. It must be hard on children old enough to understand too.
@DollyMitch sorry to hear you have been feeling up and down. I’ve been the same, some days I’m busy and feel ok and then others feel down. It really is a wave of emotions! Sadly we do have a lot in common, so hopefully we can all be here for each other when needed. I can understand you not being able to face celebrating your 40th, it is hard. My birthday was only a month after my Mum passed away so I didn’t do anything and we were in lockdown anyway. I feel that birthdays and Christmas etc will never be the same again.
@C1971 so sorry for the loss of your Mum too. I’m the same as you with birthdays. A lot of people don’t think, if they haven’t been through a close loss I think they struggle to understand and just move on with their lives. I feel like the future I imagined has been taken away, I thought I would see my Mum get old. As it is she won’t even see me turn 40. I never thought things would be this way as she had always been fit and healthy before.
Kids seem to see things very differently. My son was only 2.5 when my Mum passed so he didn’t really understand but he went from asking to see Nanny to never asking again as if she didn’t exist. He just seemed to accept it when we explained he couldn’t see Nanny again. I find it hard sometimes and worry he won’t even remember her, only through things I tell him. I will definitely be buying most things online. I just can’t imagine the day without her as I have always had her there on Christmas day.
@Lavender64 I’m glad you’re finding it helpful. I know what you mean about your world being turned upside down. My husband is similar, he doesn’t say too much as I think he worries about upsetting me. I find it hard to open up as well sometimes though and keep things to myself, which isn’t ideal sometimes.
Take care everyone x
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Diana
Its really hard to see our children upset. I feel sad that their nans wont see them grow up
My mum completely adored my daughter. I feel traumatised when I think that she died so suddenly. No goodbyes, no preparation. Just gone
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@C1971 I think kids are stronger than we think. It’s weird to understand and get your head around not talking to mum again I had text her 10mins before her aneurysm. She survived for 3 month cause she is do stubborn, but never regained consciousness. But I truly believe she knew I was at her bed every day and she held on so my eldest daughter could read the second part to P.S I love you. In hindsight it was maybe not the correct book to read but mum has half way through and Shan wanted to make sure she got to read the end.
Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing ok this week and the weekend will soon be here!
I fully expect things will be really hard for me at Xmas and I’m dreading it - not only did I lose my best friend in my beautiful mum in April, but last Xmas I found out I was pregnant with our first child and after trying for long it was a happy surprise, unfortunately it wasn’t to be and I had a very traumatic loss 12 weeks on in February, only 8 weeks later mum was gone too so this year will have 2 missing for Xmas. A year which started so exciting, ends in tatters 
I try to think positively that mum is looking after my “little peanut” up there for me but sometimes that’s little consolation as I would rather she was still here looking after me.
Dear @DollyMitch, I hope your husband is enjoying the football - it’s great that so much of it is on, I am unable to watch any at the moment as I just get so anxious sitting down in front of my computer watching it, but I can put it on the radio and just lie in bed, and it helps distract from all the pain and suffering.
I am incredibly sorry to read you also lost a baby after you and your husband had tried for so many years. Tatters is the word to describe what has happened to your life, and I can only hope you manage to find the strength from somewhere to see you through Christmas.
Hope everyone else is doing ok.
Hi @DollyMitch,
I’m so sorry to read that you had such a traumatic loss of your child and then went on to lose your Mum so soon after. That must have been heartbreaking for you especially after trying for a number of years. I know the heartache of infertility well and it took us a number of years to get my son and we were lucky to have him through IVF in the end, but I will never forget the heartache of our “journey”. My Mum was an incredible support through it all after struggling to have children herself and several miscarriages, so she understood and it makes it hard to bear that she is no longer here. It really does sound like you have had a terrible time this year and I really do hope that you can get through Christmas somehow and have some strength to do so. I’m definitely not looking forward to a Christmas without my Mum and just wish I could not have it, but I will have to somehow. x
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@DollyMitch im so sorry about your mum and your baby. I’m sure your mum is looking after you peanut, that’s a mums job.
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Hi everyone thank you all for being so kind, it’s been a rough ride this year. My husband has been amazing throughout the whole thing, which I’m sure it hasn’t been easy!!
Hope you are all doing ok during these difficult times x
@DollyMitch So sorry to hear of your loss, I won’t say any of the usual comments you get “ I don’t know what to say” “ there are no words “ “give it time” As I DO KNOW how you are feeling. I lost my dad to Lung cancer when he was only 54 and recently lost my Mum to an unknown ( to us) condition called encephalitis which came out of nowhere and took my healthy mum within weeks. I am at a stage still where I can’t believe she is gone, I still keep thinking she is at her home and we are just not seeing her because of COVID. We too had to have a small funeral because of COVID snd most inhuman was that we couldn’t visit her in ICU for most of the time she was in… It’s so heartbreaking, if you need a chat or a rant I’m here. Take care x
Hi @Kerry46, I’m so sorry for both your losses. I hope you find it helpful to chat on here. I lost my Mum to lung cancer in March and feel that covid has made it impossible to grieve properly. We had to have a small funeral with only 10 of us there and no wake. That must have been heartbreaking not being able to visit your Mum 
I still find it hard to believe she has gone 6 months on so understand that feeling. I hope you continue to post on here if it helps you x
@DollyMitch I’m glad your husband is supportive. That definitely helps, although it doesn’t make this year any easier x
@Kerry46 this is why we are here, we understand a wee bit more than talking to friend, husband’s or family. I love all of them but sometimes you want to chat to other people. This COVID crap has us all peeved off its heartbreaking we weren’t aloud to visit and we where only allowed 10 at mums funeral.
Hello Everyone, and my condolences on the loss of your precious Mums. Today would have been my Mom’s birthday, Like many of you, my Mom was my best friend. She was one of the strongest, most resilient women I’ve ever known. She was talented, funny, and and a true survivor. But when the dreaded cancer came, it was one battle she could not win. I was her carer in the later stages of her illness, and had the privilege of being by her side when she died in 2012. Each year after her passing, my younger sister & I would celebrate her birthday and share our special memories. Then 2 years on, the monster cancer took my little Sister too (hence “sister 2”) Now I sit, on my lovely Mom’s birthday, mourning the two most important people in my life. No one else shared the lifelong history I had with my Mom & Sister. So I put a candle on my Mom’s favourite chocolate cupcake, and blow it out, making a wish that cannot come true. This has been another one of those lost & lonely “bad days.” when I just needed a safe, non-judgmental place to vent. Thank you for providing that. Xxxx
Hi all!
@Sister2 I’m so sorry to hear about both your mum and sister, life can be so cruel, the cupcake was a lovely gesture for them both and I’m sad that your wish can’t come true for you. Always talk to us when you feel down.
@Kerry46 I feel exactly the same so I know what you mean about just blaming Covid for not seeing mum and thinking she’s at home. It sounds like you have had a tough time with not being able to visit, that was one of worst things for us with my mum, the not knowing what was going on because we couldn’t be with her so were at the mercy of drs calling us and many times they didn’t!!
@MrsRL You are right it does help, although I just want to rewind the clock to before all this happened
@DianaT how are you getting on this weekend after your trip away last week?
@Abdullah have you been listening to the football this weekend?
Kids are strong and at least she still has me. But a couple of nights ago she was in bits at how much she misses her nan. Its very hard x