@DollyMitch my weekend was nice. But you can’t hide from it the minute your in the car coming home and everything starts to look familiar, you start to remember things you did with her and silly memories.
@Sister2 your sister would be so proud your keeping up the tradition. Is good to remember them in your own way.
@C1971 the kid thing is still very hard. They pick up on the tension, the bad days and the stress we are under. I am 100% honest in saying I’m at a loss I don’t know what to do when Angus (6y) randomly cry cause he misses his Nannie. The minute he cries I’m crying so I can’t even talk to him about it just loads of hugs.
Diana
I’ve done nothing to hide my feelings at the loss of my mum. I have no control over when I cry or not and I think it’s good for children to see our emotions.
I dont agree with the stuff upper lip stuff
Hi everyone!
@Sister2 I’m so sorry for your loss of your Mum and your sister. Life is very cruel and cancer is such an awful disease to watch someone you love go through. I’m glad you have been able to continue the tradition of having a birthday cake in memory of your Mum, it’s very sad that your wish cannot come true. If only it could for all of us. I’m glad you have been able to vent here and I hope it helps you, we are here to listen whenever you need to x
@DollyMitch I’m with you there, I wish more than anything I could rewind the clock!!
I hope everyone else is doing as well as you can x
It’s 03.00 and the 3rd day of not being able to sleep. Does everyone else have random time when they just can’t sleep. I have a wee phone app called headspace which I find good. I plug in my ear phones and it takes me away. So that’s what I’m about to do. Then up up in 4 hours 
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Sorry to hear that Diana. I find I’m going to sleep later and later as I can’t sleep early on so I wait until I’m so tired I can’t stay awake any longer. I find the evenings/nights worse for thinking about things. I’ve used headspace in the past so I might have to try that again. I hope it helped you to sleep in the end.
Hi MrsRL,
It as been a year for me next month… but your story us so similar to mine.
Mum passed age 64 Lung Cancer was prepared to fight as she wanted to live for her miracle grandsons My Bestfriend, spoke 3 times EVERYDAY on phone she was my EVERYTHING. She had a few rounds of chemo then went downhill and was taken from us suddenly within a week. We never talked to her about dying, preferring to live in denial researching obsessively for a cure for her, What a waste of time when we could of spent what time we had left reminiscing and talking through our feelings.
I don’t cry everyday any more choosing to live in denial and with a massive wall up to protect myself. I can laugh and love for the sake of my 3 year old twins. I choose to not think that she has gone forever as this is the only way I can cope.
When I visit my Dads her clothes and belongings are all still as she left them and sometimes I choose to “BORROW” items. never take them as this would be to accept she as gone. There is a special area in our living room for her urn and photos all over our home. I will not let “her miracles grandsons” (7 IVFS to get the boys) forget about her and even though they only had 2 years with their Nanna and a year on and they still say they miss Nanna. I guess this message is to say that life can go on and people deal with it in different ways. In the early days I felt life was not worth living but imagined Mum would be so angry with me if I was to leave my boys. So here I am living life the best I can for my mum I owe her this, okay maybe still in denial but this works for me. Take care and I am always here for a chat.
Thank you DollyMitch, DianaT, and Mrs. RL, for responding so kindly to my post. It was comforting to see your replies when I returned to the forum. I find it therapeutic to write out my feelings, and it is always a bonus to get a response from others who understand and share in this pain. Thank you, and everyone here. We are lost without our Moms 
Xxxx
@LisaJulia so sorry for the loss of your Mum. Our stories do sound similar sadly. We were the same in denial and didn’t talk about dying! I wish we had talked about our feelings, I really regret that! I think we all find ways to cope, I’m the same and cannot let myself believe she has gone forever.
My son is an IVF miracle too. I’m so glad you got your boys and they got to meet their Nanna. It hurts so much that it took us a long time to get my son here and my Mum was the biggest supporter through it all, and then she was taken away when he was so young. I’m sure you feel the same. I’m glad you are able to keep her memory alive and I will definitely try my best to do the same for my Mum.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it. Take care of yourself too.
@Sister2 I’m glad you are finding it helpful to write out your feelings. I think it really does help to write it all down and to speak with others that understand the pain. The fact we are all here supporting each other shows how much love we have for our Mums x
How is everyone else doing?
@LisaJulia Hi there, I found this wee poem which I thought was just lovely- Sometimes we don’t need to get over it, We just need to get passed it. We just need to get over wee hurdles but we don’t need to get over our mums. I never will. Keep well everyone. 
Hey @DollyMitch,
Hope you’re ok. I am glad the international break is over - I hate it! Now there will be football every day till the end of the month. That just helps so much with this stupid grief, I can just put it on the radio, lie in bed, and get my mind off all the suffering for a few hours. Well, not completely, but it does help, a lot.
Which team does your husband support?
Hope you’re doing ok, and everyone else here too.
Thank you for your message on my post. I feel most sad when I feel she is missing my daughter change. They were so close and she doesnt understand why she is not around anymore. The shock of her leaving us will never go. Just have to learn to live on for her. Message me if you need to. This is the hardest time for anyone. A lot of people dont understand xx
Oh I understand. Being strong for dad, but crying every minute I am alone. Husband doesnt get it. I have lost my best friend. I thought I had years. I wasnt prepared for this x
@Jennyt hi I am always shocked how much everyone feels the same. Great families, but they don’t understand- spend all our time looking after everyone-doing everything- no friends to talk to or work colleagues (due to this crappy pandemic). We are slowly going a wee bit mad and the only person that understands all of that isn’t here anymore- we miss mum do bad.
Hi Jenny, I feel exactly the same with my son! They change so much when they are young and so our Mum’s have missed so much already 
My son doesn’t understand either. We were visiting my Dad at the weekend and my son said about Nanny and missing her while there, which he doesn’t often do. I’m just glad he still remembers her and hope it continues. I agree, the shock will never go and we somehow have to learn to live without them. It’s so hard when the future is not what you expected. I don’t think it’s possible to understand fully unless you have been through a close loss sadly 
Always here to message if needed x
How is everyone doing? I thought I had a ear infection so iv not been too well. But my GP thinks I’m not coping with my stress. No idea how she got from sore ear to mental health, shed good 
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@DianaT how are you feeling now? Did your gp suggest anything to help you? I’m glad you have a caring gp at least.
I have been struggling the last couple of days for various reasons. It’s coming up to my Dad’s birthday so that will be hard without my Mum and then my MIL has a special birthday and it has hit home that my Mum will never reach that age and I won’t be thinking of what to buy her or get her a Mum card again. I’ve just found that very hard. I think the prospect of another lockdown isn’t helping, but it hopefully won’t be as hard as the last one. We spent the last one trying to sort everything after my Mum passed and hitting brick walls with contacting so many companies.
How is everyone else? I hope you’re coping OK x
I thought I would post in here today as it would be my Mum’s birthday, I should be spoiling her on her 64th birthday and all I can do is take flowers to her grave 
I have also planted a Mum in a Million rose in my garden in her memory. Monday will be the year anniversary of her passing. I can’t believe she has been gone a whole year. I am still very much in the midst of grief and experience every emotion of it. I also sadly feel very alone in my grief at times. Covid has a lot to answer for too, my Dad has been very lonely because of it. I’m worried about going back to ‘normal’ as I don’t know how to grieve in normal circumstances! I’ve been used to not really seeing anyone! I’m dreading everyone saying how glad they are when things are finally back to normal, when for so many of us they won’t be normal again! The pain of losing my Mum is so hard to bear at times and I don’t think I will ever be the same person again. I will definitely never get over this, even though most people seem to think I should be fine now and no one really asks how I am anymore, even those that said they would be there for me if needed. I miss my Mum so much and not a day goes by when I don’t think of her and wish more than anything I could turn back time and see her again.
I’m not sure if anyone will read this, but I just wanted to write it down.
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