My name is Debra [edited by admin] I lost my daughter 21st Oct 1918 Leanne [edited by admin]. She was my world,really struggling every day, the police couldn’t prove anything but the inquest said everything. She was 30 year’s old ,I feel angry still at why she died and the fact of if they’d phoned 999 she’d be here,I
Leanne worked full time for years lots of lovely friends, struggling sometimes with worries like everyone but she picked the wrong friends that night and it cuts me up,miss her so much,at the moment I care for my parents dad’s had a massive stroke and can’t speak mum has dementia and I work part time in a nursing home, I also look after Leannes fur baby Roxy,I live by the sea which is the only bonus as I can walk on the beach and scream, miss you my beautiful daughter 
Finding it hard emotionally, it doesn’t seem real still
Dear Debra
I lost my younger son nine weeks ago and I’ve got to wait for the inquest to see how Henry died. He had mental health problems plus took recreational drugs which interfered with his prescribed meds.
He and I were very close yet he was very secretive about certain elements of his life.
Someone was with him when he died yet I haven’t been able to get to the bottom of what actually happened. Henry trusted everyone, was a friend to anyone and was naive too. Whatever the outcome we’ve lost him and I understand your anger that something could have been done but wasn’t. I love him so much and I feel your pain on losing your beloved daughter.
God bless you xx
I cant imagine how terrible that must feel. You must be in turmoil waiting to find out what went on and how his passing came about. It’s just hellish but I have realised from everyone on this site, that at the end of the day, we are all in the same boat without a paddle! Floating about looking for answers. The what ifs, the why our child, the should we have noticed something, on and on and on. We are all running round in circles searching for answers no matter how our darling children have passed. Surely this will get easier to bear? I don’t know really, but together here we can say whatever we feel needs saying. Nobody judges or thinks anything is silly. We are together because we need to be and probably will still be here for a few years yet.
Keep calm and safe and remember the good times.
With love, Kate xxx
Thankyou for replying this site is new to me but to read what you are going through, im really sorry, last year was a blurr to me, I had counciling through my doctor, I didn’t go to the inquest as I got advised not to go but I got it sent to me on a disc which I listened to it with my councilor, so we could pause and talk it through which helped me prosses it.although it doesn’t change anything, my daughter is beautiful, always 30 ,and nobody can hurt her anymore, this is how I think but now and again it’s like a wave comes down and crashes me to the floor emotionally, and it’s hard, because I realise she’s gone, counselling was helpful and I recommend it to anyone who’s lost a loved one, I wouldn’t be here now and that’s definite. Your story is very similar to mine and my heart goes out to you, I hope you get answers at the inquest.I believe their always with us xxx
Hi caitlins mum. I I too lost my only daughter in 2018.she left us very tragically with 3babies the youngest only 2days old. We are totally heartbroken over her loss. We have lost everything. She is nowhere but every where if that makes sense. She really was my world and I feel your pain. I pray that you will find some peace
X
Thank you Cam58 what a terrible tragedy you have suffered.Im sure this time of year will be terrible for you all. Our first Christmas without our daughter has been terrible- this time last year we were so happy. It’s unbelievable what a difference a year makes to your life.I know this pain will never leave me - I will miss her until the day I die. I know you will understand my pain I truly wish you didn’t. Thank you
For what it is worth I am beginning to accept the grief as part of me and try to breathe through it. Like you I will never ever get past it and a lot of the time the overwhelm engulfs me. I have accepted this is now my life. At least we have got the Xmas out of the way with all the glorious memories that cause more pain than comfort. I have lit a candle for you that you may experience some peace at least some of the time
Try to take care and know I am thinking of you
Thank you so much xxx
Hi. I lost my 18 year old son in May this year and I’m only just able to accept he’s actually gone. I also pretend he’s just away for a while but then I get that gut-wrenching punch in the stomach when I remember he’s never coming home. I’m 7 months into this nightmare and it’s true you do learn to live with it but it’s always on the surface. My son went to a nightclub and never came home. We got the phone call every parent dreads but he died 10 minutes before we got there.
We can only continue putting one foot in front of the other and hoping we are making them proud. I think of him with a smile now so I suppose that’s a step forward. My heart goes out to you as the very early days are a living hell but I’m sure you’ll find your own way to forge a way forward. Lots of love and hugs xx
With love to you . It was 5 months to the day on Christmas day when we lost our lovely daughter. She leaves behind her beloved 3 year old daughter and loving partner. Her sister was devastated as we all were but we are healing now.
Our granddaughter helps us through.
Kate xx
Love and peace to you all xx
So many tragic stories leaving devastated mums and families behind. Thank you - it’s been the hardest thing getting through Christmas and still new year to come. Just when I think I have reached the bottom of this pool of grief I fall further still and realise I was not at the bottom after all.The missing her and longing for her overwhelms me each day- she was my world - I hope I will smile at the thought of her one day but for now it’s just endless tears. I just think of her beautiful face and amazing smile and cannot fathom that she will not be coming home.Thank you for your support, you have been through so very much and I hope you and your family find some peace xxx
My love we are all feeling sick with longing. Nobody can explain that feeling unless they have experienced it.
We know and we know the physical pain and yearning for our babies. That’s something that is unique to us.
In a way I feel wee need to cherish this pain as its pain that is so personal. Between a morher/parent and the child who is no longer with us it’s as personal as the moment we pushed them into this world, held them for the first time and looked into their eyes. The pain will always be there, deeper down and not so much to the surface, but the pain is with us to remind us of how much we loved our children. We need to take it on and hurt like hell and then let the healing begin.
It’s the only way I think I can deal with this.
With love. Kate x
I went through a terrible crying stage about 3 months after I lost him. I would cry everywhere and for every reason and I thought I’d never stop. I still cry every day but over shorter periods and then put my mask on and carry on. Apparently it’s a ‘normal’ stage of grief - whatever that means! Love and peace to us all in this terrible club we never wanted to be in xx
Thankyou dear friend. You are so right. This club doesn’t need to advertise. We are in it even though we don’t want to be.
Kate xx
It’s very true -a club we didn’t ask to join or ever want to belong to. There is no way out of it we just have to endure the pain and sadness - it’s so cruel. I hope one day there will be some peace for all us who suffer xxx
I’m finding it so hard with the guilt I feel.
I see people shopping with their sons and when his friends come round and I think why my son and not you. Then I feel the terrible guilt again that I’m wishing this on someone else. The reality is it’s just not fair! I was a real believer in Karma before all this and I thought if I was a good person and a good mum I would reap the rewards of a happy family and life. Now I don’t know what to think and just envy everyone who has their children with them. I suppose I’ll probably get over this too one day. Love and peace to us all xx
Apart from our unwanted club is the unwanted howl. Did everyone else do that? I thought it only existed on TV but when I was told I could see him (but not touch him because there was an investigation) I did the bereaved mother deep, long howl. God bless us all xx
Yes. I collapsed in the anti room after Lisa took her Las breath. I was heading for a chair but missed it and ended up on the floor. I could hear an animal like howl somewhere and then after a while realised it was me. Teo nurses were on the floor with me, holding me and stroking me until I was back with them. Yes the howl is not just on TV its for real.
Kate xxx