I know the feeling - why did all those Students go on that trip and only my baby didn’t come back?? How come people have lots of children but it wasn’t one of theirs but my only child- my life blood?? It’s not that I wish it on anyone else but why my beautiful daughter who was so good and kind and responsible and cared about everyone and everything?? Just WHY HER??
Sorry but I cannot stop crying at the moment - it’s all too much pain for any soul to bear! Going insane with missing her.
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There are no answers my love. We are the unlucky ones. That’s just the way it is. Ours were taken. Others were not.
It hurts so much when I see Lisa’s contemporaries with their children, but then some have marriage problems and are left to bring up children alone and others have health problems too or are lonely with nobody to share the love they have to give.
We need to be thankful that our children were so happy with their lives. That’s all we can hold on to.
With love. Kate xx
Bless your heart. Hopefully us on here can support you and truly understand the enormous pain. Keep crying if you need to and do whatever you need to get you through the day. Love and hugs xx
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Thank you both- I know you both understand how I feel- we will never know the answers- well not in this life anyway xxx
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No. There will never be satisfactory answers but we have our memories, our photos, the little keepsakes from when they were little. So important now.
Crying is normal. I know it comes when I least expect it. Let it come. Dont hold back. We feel a release from it .
We will always have the joy of their birth, the feel of their skin, the scent of their perfume. Hold these things close. They are ours to keep and cherish.
Kate xx
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Thank you xx
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Very true. All we have is their precious memories and the joy of knowing we had them in our life-albeit too short 
xx
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Good morning to you all.
I guess like me you all had a total meltdown yesterday.
I have been good all Christmas but after dropping Brooke home yesterday after being at soft play, I was as low as anyone can get. I put on a beave face to go to a small early evening drinks party Jemma had put on in our cottage nearby.
We were back by 7 as two of our dogs are terrified of fireworks.
That’s when reality hit home and I howled and cried and cried for more than an hour I think.
Alan had gone on to a party but I was happy to be left with my thoughts and photos. I feel so drained today. Like I have run a marathon. Totally exhausted with the grief which reared up in my face. Numb though now.
Another milestone reached and passed.
Love and hugs to everyone.
Kate xx
Hi Kate,
I too feel so low and exhausted today. I have found Christmas so very hard without Caitlin and last night was terrible. Last New Year’s Eve Caitlin spent with us and our close friends and neighbours as it was their last New Year’s Eve in their home before they moved. She had spent many happy times there as she grew up and being my thoughtful daughter passed up going out with friends to be with us. I have some lovely photos of her taken that night. It’s hard to accept it was our last New year with her. I’ve cried so much for her and truly don’t know how I will continue without her. The depth of sadness I feel is beyond words. I went to her grave again yesterday with flowers and cannot comprehend how we have ended up here- it’s just all too much.
I hope you find the strength to get you through another day,
xxx
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I hope we all find the strength from somewhere. I knew that at some point I would hit the bottom of the well again.
Now we just all have to claw our way up to the top again. The sides will be slippery and I have no doubt we will fall time and time again but with hope we will reach the top and be able to climb out of this to some kind of peace. I really hope we can.
With love to you Caitlin and all dear friends.
Kate xx
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Hi ladies. Yep me too.
Last year Seb had all his friends over for pre-drinks before they went out and the house was full of music and laughter. This year just a stony cold silence wishing for this terrible year to be over and hoping to God that I find the strength to get through the next one.
Love and peace to you all xx
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Me too. Wobbled through Christmas Day and then strangely had a period of calm where I almost felt like my old self. Then yesterday the churning, tears and profound sadness took hold. The last couple of New Years Eves have been spent with Henry and last year we also had his son Oliver here. We spent New Years Day out on a family trip.
This year, My sisters and their partners came over and we had a lovely dinner. But the grief was there and I had the tears and knowledge that that’s it…never again will I see my son and share special times. It hurts so much. I’m sorry you’ve all struggled too…this is probably how it will always be😢 one positive is that I’m going longer before having a dip and whilst they are awful I know I will come out the other side.
We’re going away with my grandson on a mini break tomorrow- I’m sure a couple of nights away will ease things.
Love to you all.
Purple 
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Enjoy your break. Being with your grandson will help you feel better.
I am taking Brooke swimming on Friday. Every moment spent with her is a healing one for me.
With love.
Kate xx
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Thanks Kate- you’re so right 
X
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Thankyou too. We are here for each other.
Kate xx
Hello everyone. Well we got through that fortnight and I guess we are all still standing. It was a tough one for all of us there is no doubt about that.
I am determined to do better in the next weeks and months.
The missing Lisa will always be there but I need to really buck
up and get things done . We were away from home for 9 weeks when Lisa took ill. I run a bed and breakfast and had to cancel all the bookings so earned nothing at all till late September when there were just a few tourists about.
I need to spruce things up for spring and get ready for a hopefully busy season. The bills dont go away and it’s been tough these past months but hey ho, what can we do, we had to be with her and I had to provide a decent place for us all to stay.
Onwards and upwards as they say. I will get stuck into the painting and grouting very soon.
Love to you all.
Kate xx
That’s really positive thinking and I wish you all the good fortune you deserve. Lots of love and best wishes for the future xx 
Thankyou. With all the worry about money just now it’s taken my mind off my grieving but I really need to focus on getting back on my feet .
Love to you too.
Kate xx
Yes it’s another worry you don’t need. I had to go back to work 8 weeks after losing Seb and I really wasn’t ready but in some ways it distracted me from just thinking about him all day. Good luck and God bless xx
Thankyou. Yes I know how it helps us focus. The rough part is that I had savings ti cover tax and accounts fees but they got swallowed up with a month in a hotel and a month in a holiday cottage. You just get on with it at the time of the crisis thinking that it will all be ok soon and our child will be home and back to normal. Sadly for us all that was t to be.
Never mind, it will soon be spring and the daffodils will be out and the world will go on whatever happens.
Kate xx