It’s been 6 months since I lost my husband and it has been a rlloer coaster since day one with my emotions. Right now I feel like it is day one. For the last week I have really struggled to deal with it. People ask if i have considered counselling but what can they do…. Nothing!! They cannot bring back my husband. I am say here outside in my garden looking up at the stars and the moon thinking what is the f***g point of being here. I miss him too much to carry on
Hi @Heatherlh . I am so sorry for you I can understand how you feel . I think counselling is no good it’s not helping my son . I have to occupy myself to stop me from collapsing in a corner and never getting up. No one who hasn’t experienced our loss can understand . I was out with work friends Saturday and one said I shouldn’t be without a partner . I said it’s four months and I will never want to replace that amazing man I have lost
I know people cannot understand unless they have experienced this but I am shocked at how crass people can be. I was told a week ago that it was better for me because I can find somebody else!!! My husband of 24 years had been gone 6 weeks. I just hope that God forbid this ever happens to them they don’t have to hear such insensitive bullshit. Keep on and message if you need to talk. Xx
@Billie7 thanks my love . People think I am strong because I am doing a lot . No one understands the magnitude of this loss unless it happens to them . Whatever I do he is always in my thoughts and it was just one drunk friend that was talking rubbish. This site is very good for me to see it’s much the same for us all isn’t it . Take care my love to you
I am the same. I sorted the funeral, dealt with paperwork ( ongoing) and went back to work so people think I have got everything together. I am not great and talking about things so this site really helps. What they don’t know is I come home and cry. Our son has a good job in London and I don’t want him worrying about me and my husband was so strong I feel like I owe it to him to put on a brave face. He always used to say to me don’t let them see a break in your armour. But he was the person I used to talk to so it’s tough. Take care and thanks for being there. Xx
@Billie7 I am not alone my son has given up his job due to ptsd as he got the call from paramedics there and I was in Benidorm. He is still very low , counselling doesn’t seem to help . I just take each day with him . It’s good to talk to you and everyone on here
I feel totally the same what’s the point, everyone says we need you but they all there own lives xx
Hi Debbie. That is it. They all have there own things going on and we don’t want to bother them but we have to navigate a new way of going on and it is really hard. If you need to talk please message and take care. I feel like people on here understand and that is at least a bit of a relief, especially when everything feels so topsy turvy. Xx
Oh that makes me so cross when people think you can just move on after you just lost love of your life !! If only it were that simple ? I used to think in those early days - i cant meet anybody else cos i still love my husband …anyway im not gonna sweep it under the carpet just to suit other people … i really loved my husband and he was my world ! You cant get over that quickly. I do sometimes think about meeting somebody else to care for me but its hard to know if that will happen ???. 4 months is no time ! Whats wrong with people ? You know half the time they dont even think before they open their mouth … cos its not happened to them and they havent a clue !!! Xx
@Deb5 you are right they haven’t got a clue . It was so weird going out with my work friends . I felt they saw me differently like a wounded puppy . It’s such a terrible time for us all on this site
This is my first post in this community.
I lost my husband 6 months ago and l know exactly how you feel @Heatherlh . I am functioning to the extent that l am working and spending time with family and close friends, but when l close the door on an evening and he is not there, my heart breaks all over again. I’ve had someone tell me that l should be moving forward now, and l am doing my best, but nobody who hasn’t been in this position could possibly understand the pain and the grief l am dealing with.
Aw … i know - its very rough snd theres no right or wrong to how long we grieve so people dunno what they are talking about. The greater the love, the greater the loss. Where in yorkshire are you ? Im a yorkshire lass too xxx
It doesn’t come with a rule book does it @Deb5 ?
I’m in North Yorkshire, not too far from Thirsk/Northallerton x
Hi @YorkshireRose welcome to here . You are right they have no idea what we all feel like . It’s 41/2 months for me . I am the same trying to do things but I am truly broken without my baby . I am in South Yorkshire love to you xx
No it doesnt, its so hard i know that much ! I would do anything for my husband to be here but hes not and its getting your head around that isnt it ? im near skipton xx
There is no time line/rule book to say when (or if) we should start to feel better. I too am about 6 months down the line and have really bad days as well as some good. A lot of people seem to assume that we should be “better” now!! In some ways it’s easier being at home since I don’t have to reply to people when they say “how are you?”. I’m lucky that in my group of friends there is a chap who lost his wife about 5 years ago suddenly while on holiday so he understands that we all have ups and downs. Apart from that I still find it difficult being alone, we were together nearly 44 years so basically all of my adult life so I don’t really see anytime soon when I will be “better”, what ever that means! Take care and listen to yourself, not other people. xx
Here, here @Guineapig65 youre so right ! My brother in law ( his brother) asked me other day how i was and i just burst into tears … i said i miss him so much ! 9 months in and still so much sets me off and still have ok and really hard days xxxx
I had a ‘full and frank discussion’ with my late husband’s best mate, who said to me five months after his death, ‘you shouldn’t still be feeling down now….’ l told him not to ask how l was in future because he obviously didn’t want to hear the answer. He did apologise later, though l said to him that the only way he would ever understand any of this would be when/if it ever happened to him.
I do wonder if people just don’t engage their brains properly, or simply don’t know what to say or how to handle any of this x
That is such a ridculous thing to say !!! He really hasnt got a clue … i read a few books on the subject and also i have had 10 sessions of bereavment counselling and nobody says that there is a time limit and certainly 5 months is crazy to think you will have got over it by then ! Xx
That last sentence in your post perfectly sums up a comment that we often hear from those who simply haven’t a clue as to how painful it is to lose the love of your life,if they genuinely think like that then I ask myself how do they feel about their partner.
I do accept and understand why people say certain things but it would be much much better if they remained quiet and just put their arms around you/us and wait for us to say how desperate we feel.
Family and close friends are no guarantee of a safe haven,those who are will understand and say nowt ! yes,I’m a Yorkshire lad also. Take care and just do what you feel that you can.