I get what you mean about family @miker - my sisters were spot on in the immediate aftermath, however l’ve seen neither of them since about 8 weeks into this nightmare and they only speak if l contact them first……families, eh? I guess they think l am okay because l don’t see much point in telling them any different now.
Might l just make a general comment as well, please? I only joined this community today, because l knew l needed some kind of forum to talk to others in a similar position to me. Finding some comfort, so thank you all
Yep a lot if people do the right thing at beginning but it doesnt seem to last xx
I am very disappointed by some people who at first were there for me and now can’t be bothered with me at all . It’s a big wake up call . I hope they never have to be in the same heart breaking situation
If I had a pound for everyone who said if you need anything please let me know, I am here for you then never bothered to call I would be well off. I am lucky that my sister and brother-in-law are amazing and I have a couple of really good friends who have been there but certainly not as many as I thought. It’s a big wake up call. I will say one thing, when this happens it is one hell of a learning curve just when you are least able to cope! Life eh. Xxx
Yes, you certainly find out who your true friends are - l have a small number who have been absolutely brilliant ever since it happened to me, and quite frankly the others who seemed to disappear can just jog on now x
My husband always said I have two friends are you are one of them. The other one he referred to has been brilliant and is in touch with me regularly. He had lots of friends in inverted commas but he was a better judge of character than me. Xx
No one will ever treat me as good as he did
@Billie7 yep you are so right . My nephews wife messaged me and said she didn’t message me earlier because everyone would be . That’s a joke . I have my sister and my school friend who have been the ones to help me
I wish I could say that it’s nice to have you here but I think you will get my drift. x It’s the only kind of place where others do understand and are unlikely to say the wrong thing.
Yes, l get what you mean - not the place that any of us wanted to find ourselves in, but here we are. All fighting our own battles, but being supported by others in the same boat….x
I have never been someone who tweeted or used Facebook so this is entirely new for me but I have been surprised how kind and supportive people are. I have had a really bad day today and tried really hard not to be a miserable bugger but it feels like I am walking through fog and I keep saying what I should and going through the motions but I am in bits at the moment. I can’t see a way through this. I am not suicidal just so unhappy and resigned to feeling like this.
I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes find myself saying what l think people want me to say, because l don’t know that many of them would actually want to the hear the truth. I function okay at work - in fact l said to my manager that if l could work round the clock, it would be easier as it would take away any chance l had to brood and dwell on things l can’t change. But on my own, l can fall to bits at the slightest thing, catching a glance at a photo, reading a note he’d made on the calendar about something or other - l cry because he was the love of my life and l miss him so much
However, much to my surprise over the last couple of weeks, l have been trying meditation and l have actually been finding a little bit of peace through it. Never thought l would do something like that, but it seems to help a little x
Have ypu thought about grief counselling ? You know you can access it via sue ryder and do it online. May be worth a try to help you talk about your feelings. I had 10 sessions recently and helped. Xx
Hi Billie, I lost my beloved wife 3 and half years ago but it still feels like yesterday, the love we had for 48 years gone in a moment of time and in that moment I’ll never ever forget, I layed with her at QMC Nottingham playing her favourite music, the family were down in the cafeteria and were alone she hadn’t moved from Friday evening to Monday morning, then she opened her eyes with a look of surprise and passed away, that was the time my world fell apart as the family came back into the room, as many people say with their advice you’ll never ever know until it happens to you. I have been for counselling but unfortunately it’s not for me, I keep myself busy these days playing golf with my senior friends and which some of them have lost their wives and I do gardening for friends but the unfortunate thing was for me it was 16th of March 2020 the day the government announced the first lockdown so I was on my own grieving for months which didn’t help, one of the best things for me is not to say anything but to hold my hand. God bless xx
Lockdown was so cruel for a lot of people but must have been terrible for anybody who had lost somebody close. I am so sorry about your wife and after 48 years it will seem like only yesterday. I am sending you love and hugs and hope you are ok. Xxx
Please don’t be mad at me for what I am about to say……
I know lockdown was horrendous for most people and there were deaths and loneliness. Many people will look back at it with horror and sadness, but it was so different for me. I still had my amazing husband then and lockdown meant we were together through it all with no outside distractions.
He died in June that year.
So you see, that is why I look back on lockdown with a feeling of gratitude that we had that perfect time together, especially as we had no idea he would die soon after, so we just enjoyed it. We were even closer than ever, which I didn’t think was possible. We had been married for 57 years and I adored him.
So, as I say, please forgive me for loving lockdown and accept my regrets for those who didn’t.
Love and hugs to all x
I feel the same way. My husband was well then and we we were together and I am so grateful for that time. I just really feel for the people that could not be with those they loved. We all have our own memories and that is what makes us. I could not understand how everybody was going on as normal on the day he died. Sending love. Xx
Nothing to forgive !its fair enough X