My husband died in November 2025. He lived with cancer for over a year but went downhill fast in the last few months. I have my daughter and her boyfriend nearby but don’t want to lean on them too much. She loved her Dad so much, I want her to heal too. I go out a lot and friends try to be as supportive as possible. What they don’t get is that hollow, deeply sad feeling I have when the front door is shut and he’s not there to share my thoughts with. We were together for over 50 wonderful years. I shared my innermost thoughts and feelings with him. No one can take that place. He was such an optimistic person. We had joy which I wonder if I will ever get back. He was calm even in his last few weeks. I look at all the lovely photos where he was smiley but can’t get thoughts of how he faded away out of my head. People say “You’re doing well” and they mean well but inside I’m broken. It’s so hard to think of the rest of my life without him. Tears are rolling down my face as I write this. It’s been 13 weeks today since I lost him. Early days I guess. I’ve been reading lots of posts which suggest many of you feel the same. That’s reassuring as sometimes I feel so alone in my thoughts.
Dear Joanny
You’re not alone in this horrid world you find yourself in. All of us here know that empty feeling, missing our dear partners in life. It’s a terrible situation we find ourselves in.
It was 18 weeks yesterday for me, since I lost the love of my life to pancreatic cancer. He was gone in less than 8 weeks, had his 60th birthday in hospital and was so ill. So he was 60 for just 12 days. I’m lost and not coping well. I miss him so much and the physical ache is just horrendous. I cry every single day for him.
I try not to look too far ahead as I can’t and it hurts too much. Day by day and small steps.
Take care and hugs to you. Keep reading the posts here and remember there is always someone to talk to here who understands your pain
Thanks so much Peg2. It is comforting to know you’re not alone but it dues t stop you feeling alone does it?
So sorry to hear about your husband. Mine had his 70th birthday in June last year. All was going pretty well with the chemo until he had various infections and had to stop the treatment. It doesn’t take long for the disease to progress sadly.
But I’m sure in time we will manage but goodness knows how long that time is going to be!
Many thanks again for your support. Take care xxx
Yes we all feel like you do, sad and lonely. I tried going out with friends but I just feel I put people on a downer. It’s very difficult to smile and chat when the person you’ve lost is all you think about. Unless someone has been down this route themselves they don’t understand those feelings. I’m five months into my grief after my partner’s sudden death, and I feel that friends expect me to be getting a bit better now. The reality is that we are in turmoil and it takes a long time to process those feelings.
Its seven months since I lost my other half ( thats how I feel, like half of me is missing.) I try to fill my days to keep my mind occupied so on the surface i seem to be doing OK. However, like many have said I have times when i feel very asad and lonely. This last week has been particularly bad but I have no idea why. I have cried buckets full of tears and i feel very emotional. I even cried at several episodes on “ New Tricks” I watched on the iplayer! I have come to the conclusion that this is how its going to be because you simply cannot come to terms with the loss of the love of your life that you have shared 55 years of you life with in just a few months. So, I take each day at a time, its all i can do.
I lost my husband Nov 2025 he fought so hard to stay but the dreaded cancer had other ideas. Horrendous!
Today as it’s better weather I thought I would begin to try and tidying the garden. He loved the garden growing everything from seeds. As soon as I opened the door to his potting shed it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could see him standing there with all his seeds ready.
Oh my goodness. That finished my effort to tidy the garden. This grief hits in so many ways.
I thought I might just start to feel a bit brighter as lighter nights are coming. False thoughts. Made me see he is not outside nor will he be he can’t be so lighter nights will mean longer days of facing this deep loss.
Not a good day today 
Norma1 Thinking of you. I used to think I was very empathetic to friends who had lost their partners but until it happens to you, you don’t really understand. So friends and family try hard to help but as you said they maybe have expectations that we can manage better than is possible. Keep going out with friends. I’m sure it’ll get easier to enjoy that time. I enjoy doing things with my daughter and friends and although I’m very tearful at times it’s much better than being at home on my own!
Hi Claudie
I understand where you’re coming from re the garden. I tried to persuade my husband to wrap up and sit and watch me/tell me what to do to plant spring bulbs. He didn’t actually say no but didn’t show any signs of wanting to. I think we both knew he wasn’t going to be here to see them grow but didn’t want to voice that.
So December time I went into the shed tearfully and found all the bulbs he’d dried out from last year. I was very pleased with myself that with the help of YouTube I planted them all, never having planted a bulb in my life before! However, despite being happy with my efforts, as they’re all growing I am so sad that he’s not here to watch them flourish. He always did a great show of pots with spring bulbs and flowers.
When I feel up to it ( not sure when that will be!) I intend to enlist friends’ help to clean out the shed and buy a new one. Hoping that then I can potter about keeping much of his stuff to remember him by but also trying hard to make it my own.
This grief business is so hard isn’t it? I’m crying just writing this! Let’s move forwards even if it’s a tiny bit at a time xx
Hi JT I feel like you, watching TV and you want to comment on something or discuss it but they’re not there to share the programme with you. There are a couple of series we were watching before his last few weeks where we didn’t see the last episode. I can’t make myself watch them! We used to love Quizzy Monday but I can’t watch the programmes without crying so I’ve given up on that.
Even new seasons of a programme that we enjoyed seem a challenge to start. It all seems a bit daft but that’s how I feel. Reassuring to know I’m not the only one crying in front of the TV x
Joany
My husband was making plans for me be able to manage the garden when he could no longer do it. Bought me a battery powered mower and strimmer plus new secateurs, shears etc.
I knew exactly what he was doing yet could not tell him I knew he was feeling he would not be here with me.
Thinking about it breaks my heart even more.
Nothing will ever be the same will it?
Embarking on this different life of being alone is hard.
It’s comforting to read your thoughts on this too. Thank you 
I’m actually dreading the summer because my partner’s not here anymore. He died suddenly five months ago. He too had lots of spring bulbs still in pots. They seem to be coming up now but squirrells have dug up some of the tulips. Every time I look into the garden I see him in my head grass cutting or pruning the bushes. I still haven’t organised a gardner which I’ll have to do soon. It’s too much for me as I have arthritis. I don’t even think I want to sit on the patio in the summer, yet we did that all the time.
All my partner’s garden tools are battery operated but I find it very difficult to get the batteries in and out because of arthritis in my fingers. I’ve never used a strimmer before and I can’t get the lawn mower to work, same with those sprayers for weed and moss killer. I really am a disaster. I wish I ‘d taken more interest.
Hi Norma
I must admit I’m not looking forward to the summer as my husband loved being outside in the garden, sat on his bench with our dog beside him.
I don’t know how I will cope with all the memories of him being there as I can see him so clearly in my mind.
Will I find it hard or will it bring me comfort?
Another step without my love
When youre sat with your loss and the thoughts in your head,you feel so alone. Then reading these posts ,everyone’s story is so similar,we are all going through so much. I didnt have a clue about grief. My friend lost her husband and then her son,I thought I was there for her but now going through it myself ,I didnt have a clue. No one does until its your life,it cannot be imagined. Its every second of every day,the pain and the loss of your life as it was.
This is always in my head.
We both died that day but I kept breathing.
So true, I felt I died with him that day too. And I’m struggling hard to understand why I’m still here. I miss him so much, the pain is horrendous
Hi Joanny,
Sending you love and light 
I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s been a month today since I lost my big sister and like you wrote, I have had thoughts today of how downhill she went in her last few days. I know of that deep hollow feeling in your chest you’re talking about. I also look at her pictures smiling and thought I’d like to get one framed so might try doing that tomorrow.
You’ll always share that love even after a passing. When you feel alone at home, maybe whilst thinking of your husband, light a candle in his memory and think of the great times and that he is free of cancer and any pain.
My sister died of cancer too, quite rapidly going breathless. I replay that time in hospital in my mind but I also try to think of her smiling and laughing and what she would do or say.
I hope this gives you some comfort and to know you are not alone in what you are feeling.
Big hug 
Thanks so much 
It’s so comforting to know that how I’m feeling is understood by others who feel so similar. Xx
I feel like that too, the person I was died too when he passed away suddenly. I breathe, I eat, I cry but most of the time I just sit in his chair. I care less about what’s going on in the world and only do the essentials. I don’t even care what I wear, even taking a shower is a chore. I’m a stranger to myself and the old me has gone never to return. As you can imagine my family and friends don’t get it.
Dear Joanny I can relate so much to what you are saying & joined this forum to see if I could find any help as to how others manage to cope with the immense loss of your life partner. It is comforting to know that other people who have suffered such a terrible loss feel the way I do and that there is not something wrong with me as I have had one person question how I am not feeling any better yet. We also were together for nearly 50years and married for 46. My husband died in February this year after 6yrs battling cancer and we had his funeral this week. I thought my grief was bad enough when we were told in December he had around 3mths to live but the pain I feel now is 100x worse & just so all consuming and terrible that I cannot imagine ever feeling joy again. I have 2 young grandchildren who used to always make me smile but even being with them is not helping. I am finding it so hard to motivate myself to do anything and spend a lot of each day crying.
It is very early for you . I lost my husband suddenly in September 1995. We had been married for 36 years . At Christmas my grandson who is 8 made me laugh. I felt so guilty. It’s now 6 months since I lost my husband suddenly. It’s not easy getting used to being on your own. After being a couple for so long . I went out for the day last week with my friend. I surprised myself I enjoyed it . I can now laugh without feeling guilty. Little baby steps, just do what you feel up to doing. Every one here understands as we are all going through it . Keep posting on here it really helps.
Take Care