Missing my Husband

I lost my husband 9 weeks ago to a heart attack, just can’t believe he’s gone, how did this happen? I’m missing him so much the pain is horrendous, the anxiety is just as bad, is this normal, I’m lost and alone, I have a lot of support from family and try to connect but just can’t get interested in anything.

I am so, so sorry for you. What you are feeling is absolutely ‘normal’. It’s been 16 whole months since I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack. The shock and pain is indescribable. Take one day at a time, one hour at a time even. Reading has helped me, books about grief and spirituality and chatting on this forum. We are never alone as everyone on this site is going through something similar. Sending love and hugs. Xx

My husband and best friend of 50 years died in june after a short but devastating illness. I miss him dreadfully. I thought I was coping ok but recently it’s as if I have been hit with a sledgehammer of loss and overwhelming sadness. Friends and family tell me it’s early days. But I have to live each day feeling so alone. It is hard in so many ways. I have just joined this forum because of the aloneness I feel from morning to night and have realised that I am struggling as are many other people. It’s not a club I ever wanted to be in but I hope through belonging it will help me to find a way to cope.

Hi Kate I feel so alone today, I just want to run away but there’s no where to run, do you ever find any peace? X

Hello Mary I know the aloneness is overwhelming sometimes I was out with my family last night, it was my birthday Wednesday I felt so alone when they all went home to there partners, I get really bad stomach pain every time I’m faced with a social thing. I’m thinking of you your not alone as After reading threads on here the people seem to understand when no one does, take care x

Good morning !
Firstly to Carolas and Mary…I am so sorry that you have lost your husbands but glad that you have found this site…there is always someone who will offer you help and reassurance here.
Kate is right…living in the moment is the way to go…we don’t ever get over our grief but somehow we adapt to carrying it and it becomes who we now are. The initial horror does recede and you come to realise that each wave will subside and give you a little respite before the next! Sometimes we do go backwards but then we move direction almost without realising it…I am not sure if we ever find peace but we do manage to breathe through each day and take comfort from little things which we might not have been aware of before. Each one of us develops our own coping strategies and finds something within us which keeps us going…you won’t always want to run away but all of us has been where you are today so please hang on in there. Keep posting and try to look after yourselves…sending hugs and understanding across the air waves…you will get better at this! ×

Thank you for those kind words x

In answer to your question, I’ll start by quoting the Queen Mother “It doesn’t get any better, you just get better at it.” How true those words are. I’m not sure about finding peace again but I have learned to live again, albeit with a great sadness in my heart. I keep very busy as distraction is a great help to get me through each hour. There are days when I still cry and I’m sure I will forever. My husband is at the forefront of my mind all the time and he’s with me in everything I do. I can now talk about him and laugh with ease. However, I still have moments when I just need to be alone to sit and moments when I really want to run away from everything and everyone, just to be on my own with my thoughts. I did go away for a couple of weekends and I can’t tell you how rejuvenating it was. Family and friends have been wonderful but they can’t truly understand but everyone on this site can and do and I’m grateful for that. As Ameliasgran said, we carry our grief with us always, it won’t ever go away but it becomes a part of us. Big hugs xx

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Thank you so much all of you who have responded to my message. I can’t tell you how grateful I am at having somewhere to go now where people understand where I am at. Maybe now I will have an outlet for my sadness and grief which can only be understood by people who are in the same place as I am. I am not someone who finds it easy to talk to a ‘councillor’ but I do find I can put my feelings down in writing. I hope as time goes by I will be able to give back something to others as I work through every day, week and month. Thank you all.

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Hi there I lost my husband in August to a heart attack he’s was only 50 so I know exactly how u are feeling you have just got to carry on as hard as that is that’s what he would want you to do

Sorry for your loss I also lost my partner to a heart attack in May he was only 48 what you are feeling is totally normal I am on medication did counselling over the phone which helped a bit but speaking to everyone on this site is helping take one day at a time and get as much support as you can keep posting on this site as we are all going through the same heartache.
Take care
Christine x

You’re definitely not alone in how you’re feeling. I lost my Carl on the 2nd July to a sudden heart attack whilst he was in the gym and I was in the pool next door. I thought I was coping okish, but the last few days have been horrendous. I’m crying every day and feel such sadness. I’m on mild medication to ease the intense stomach churning, panic attacks I was experiencing. I was told it’s anxiety.
I have support from my sister and friends but we have to go through the pain alone don’t we? I miss Carl so much. It’ll be 16 weeks tomorrow. We would have been travelling to the airport tomorrow for a big holiday to Thailand. We were looking forward to it so much. It was our favourite place. The weekend before Carl died we sat by the sea talking about all the things we would have done there. I feel like I’m going backwards not forwards. Small steps I know but I just feel so down at the moment.
Sending you all love and hugs. Sorry for going on.

So sorry for your loss Linf I have the stomach churning I can’t eat proper also can’t sleep proper my Robert and I where in spain for our siliver wedding anniversary when he had his heart attack we had been together 34 year I’d never felt so alone we had so many plans like you the hurt is there every single day and it’s really hard I’m glad I found this site because we all understand each others pain

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Hi Kate can you recommend any books x

Hi Patty so very sorry to hear this, I know the pain is so bad, I feel sometime I’m fighting this but don’t know how to just go with it xx

Hi So sorry to hear this, I’m also on medication for the anxiety, I worried the medication is causing the stomach upset, but it seems it’s part of the grieving x

So sorry for your loss my husband was 54 we were going on holiday the morning he died, It’s so hard people say it gets easier, all I know is the pain is so intense, but it’s the love we felt for our men, take care x

Thank you Patty
So sorry to hear about your loss and thank you for your kind words. It must have been terrible for you experiencing it during your silver anniversary holiday. Carl and I had been together since we were 17 and were together 41 years, married 37. I think the stomach churning has eased since I’ve been on the medication but as I’m only taking 1/3 of a tablet I still feel everything else. In a way I want to feel it though, as I’ve heard so many people saying they feel numb when they’re on medication. I was like you too inbthat I wasn’t eating but my appetite is better. Still don’t want to cook for one though. And you’re right, everything is so hard. I feel lost like I am trying to find my place in this new world but without Carl it sometimes feels like it’s not worth it.
Lots of love xx

I have read so many but if you go on the General Chat category you will find a conversation where lots of us have recommended books. A particular favourite of mine is A Valley Journal by Abi May - I just keep dipping into it. Much love x

Hi I’m feeling exactly the same way as you guys my wife’s gone I’m so lonely even though I have support. Is it really worth going on I don’t think the pain will ever go. I can’t eat, sometimes for days, smiling feels wrong. It’s a living hell.