Two weeks ago, my partner and I were on holiday in Northumberland…on the first day, we went for a lovely walk on a beach, and had fish and chips in a pub afterwards. He became ill that night in the travel lodge where we were staying, and two days later he passed away in a Critical Care Hospital in Newcastle. He was a fun loving and young at
I really am so sorry for your loss, your story is very like mine. We had been in Turkey for a month, two days after we came back, he died very suddenly in the house. I feel so lost without him, we did everything together. When I looked at his picture, I had to sit up and out the light on, he looks a bit like my husband. He loved his green Barbour jacket, never went anywhere without it. It’s nearly a month now since he passed, funeral was only Wednesday. Every day is breaking my heart, what do I do now and how do I pass my day. I have to get out the house, I’m not concentrating when I’m driving so I have to go on a bus which is only one every hour and they stop so early. I feel so isolated where I live and with winter coming, it’s going to get worse. I’m also 70, we both turned that this year and celebrated with quite a few holidays. The next few months are going to be a nightmare. I can only suggest what I’m doing, get out, go for a coffee just to get out the house, my daughter makes me stay with her once a week which breaks the week up. I’ve spent a few days tidying and clearing cupboards, the house has never been so tidy. I’m up so early in the morning as I don’t seem to sleep for long. Please feel free to chat to me any time, we are going through the same heartache and maybe we can help each other. Take care xx
I am so very sorry x
I am so very sorry Lizzy x
Hello Lizzie
I am so sorry this happened to your husband, and to hear that you are also going through this pain and heartache…
I would love to chat with you personally, but not quite sure how this all works?
You can private message each other if you both want.
So sorry for your loss.
I keep talking to my husband and tell him what people are doing
He is always with me
I have recently started a journal where I write to my love every day. I tell him what I’ve been doing, how I’m feeling and any gossip. I have found it really helps me and I really look forward to writing it. It makes me feel he is still here with me and I don’t feel as foolish as talking to myself. I can say things to him that I don’t feel I can say to anyone else.
Great idea, things keep coming into my head that I keep thinking, oh, I must tell him that. Maybe I will do that 
i am so sorry for your loss my husband of 47 years passed away 5 months ago davy had lung cancer and before that had different kinds of cancer but this time his body had to give up as he couldnt take any more i just keep myself as busy as i can yes days i can just cry we have two dogs so have to walk them a few times a day but we have to just keep going for the family you will get their and it is hard but i feel we had them longer than we will be without them good luck and just take one day at a time
My husband died of a sudden cardiac arrest the day we came home from a holiday. He was fit and well, went to bed as usual and had the arrest while asleep. I did CPR until help arrived, they got his heart started and I thought he would recover. He was taken to a critical care unit, they induced a coma, he lived 3 weeks but never regained consciousness.
That was 5 months ago.
Sadly, I lost my first husband 20 years ago. He was an athlete and had a sudden cardiac arrest whilst training.
Neither had a history of heart problems, didn’t drink, never smoked, slim and healthy.
Richard was 55, Jeremy was 68. Widowed first when I was 48, and again at 68.
It gets better, slowly, but surely.
Hang on in there.
X
Judypeach, I am truly sorry that you find yourself here with us. I am so sorry that you are part of this awful group that no one wants to join. It really is as bad as it feels. Of course you are having a hard time coming to terms with the death of your partner. You should be. It is normal. The rugs were pulled out front under us and we are all tumbling around.
But, we are all here, having an awful time of it right with you. I may never come to terms with my husband’s death 5 weeks ago. It is surreal.
If you feel any of this, you are fine. Numb. Empty. Lost. Repetitive. Unable to recall words when speaking, Unable to remember what someone just said. Manic cleaning. Obsessing. No appetite. Losing weight. Not sleeping. Unable to concentrate. Too scattered to drive. Scattered thoughts. Scattered brain. Worry. Anxiety. Fear. Intestinal issues. Nausea. Panic. Stoic sadness. Crying your heart out. Angry.
Here is what you do. You pay the bills. You feed yourself and your pet. You get your hair done. Make a list of 5 things you must do each day, plan your day only an hour ahead of time, as you do these things, check them off. It will be a visual validation that you are in control and getting things done. Even at this slow pace, you will have accomplished 35 things in a week and 150 in a month.
It is my Rule of 5s and I live by it. It works.
Rest between the listed "to do"s. If you get 5 hours of sleep at night, you are doing alright and that seems about right at this 2 week point. To bed late, rise early. In a couple of weeks you will take long afternoon naps from the exhaustion of grief and little sleep. Well, call is siesta which is a truly brilliant cultural norm.
None of older widows or widowers want to cook as it is too much effort and work and the newest widows seem to stay home because they want to hibernate. BUt, those of us without appetites who want to stay home and not cook can still eat well.
Boil a dozen eggs and put them in the fridge for easy protein, fast breakfast or sandwiches, make a big salad without dressing and store it in the fridge, makea chicken salad and do the same, get the small containers of cut fresh fruit, buy cucumbers - chock full of electrolytes, an apple, 2 avocados, already chopped broccoli, make a chicken salad for the fridge. You will do just fine.
And, always have chocolates.
Much love.
Thank you so much Peaches. Is that your real name ? My maiden name is Peach, which is what I have called myself for a while now.
I love your reassurance, and am going to follow your five things rule.
Three days after Tony died, I had to move out of the home I had shared with him for six years, as it was left to his step children.
His stepson and wife came Australia and my belongings and I were treated like an evicted tenant. Very fortunately, I had previously bought my own little cottage in the same village to live in if/ when Tony went before I did. I have been a hoarder in Tony’s house, as it was big enough to store lots in cupboards and drawers. So I now have the task of a big declutter, which is a distraction I am grateful for at the moment. I also have managed to make a few good female friends since living in the area. My family all live miles away, apart from my son, who lives with his girlfriend 20 miles away .
Enough about me. How is it for you today? I would love to hear more from you. X
Afternoon all thanks for your messages which help to get me through this life. Its been 4 years since my beloved husband of 31 years passed i miss him just as much today as I did then. I will take notes of the 5 rules and try to do them
So sorry and the suddenness must make it difficult to understand. Sending love and hugs x
Im so sorry to hear of your loss i too went through the same as you. My beloved passed away 9 months ago due to a sudden death it was a normal day then he got unwell and passed away that night. I really feel for you. I am at a loss wthout my beloved 
I’m so sorry for you going through this. My husband of 47 years died suddenly at home of a cardiac arrest in April 24. The paramedics revived him, but he died 7 days later from severe brain damage in the critical care unit in Newcastle. Tomorrow they’re holding a bereavement service for everyone who has died there this year. I’ll remember you and your husband if you can’t be there. It’s such a terrible shock and an unbearable journey for us who are left behind and can’t process the pain. This is a very heavy cross to carry for the rest of our lives. We are all doing our best, which is how we keep getting up and breathing every day. My faith that we’ll be reunited on my death keeps me going and I’m trying to live to help the rest of my family to get through it. God is always with me and John now lives in God, so he’s always with me too. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Many blessings and hugs fellow traveller on this hard road. X
Thank you so much. Can you remind me please how to write a personal message, so that. I can reply to you properly x
Hello. I am trying to find out how to respond with a personal message. Do you know how to do this please? X
