MISSING MY WIFE SO MUCH

Last October my wife Lynne, tripped and knocked unconscious. She was taken to hospital for a scan, but all was ok.
However, she just mentioned, she got a little out of breath walking up hills. They decided to do a chest x ray. Three days later we had the devasting news she had lung cancer. During our 53 years marriage, thank goodness, we have never had any serious health problems. The surgeon told us “If you get cancer, this is the best way, as in very early stage and can be cured”
Lynne had part of her lung removed in November, and after a scan in January this year, she got the all clear. Doctors explained that chemo wasn’t necessary but would advise she had the treatment “just in case”. She agreed and had three months chemo ending in May. Again after more scans all was clear and no cancer. We were so excited that we booked a holiday for next year. Lynne had her last scan in July and again all clear. Early August she started getting breathless and was told probably a chest infection. By mid August, things got worse and was admitted to hospital. After just three days visiting her, a doctor who we had not seen before, came into the room and said I’m so sorry but have really bad news. He said there was fluid between the heart and lung and was cancerous but also spread. It was now at stage four and untreatable. I cant explain how shocked we were after all the positive tests and hope they gave us. Lynne came home the following day and ten days later passed away 1st September.
Those who have lost a partner and the love of their life, can understand how I feel. I have tried to put it into words but just impossible. To say I don’t want to be here any longer probably explains how I feel. LYNNE WAS/IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, LOVING, CARING WOMEN, AND BEST WIFE ANYONE COULD WISH FOR.
REST IN PEACE MY LOVE, SURE WE WILL MEET AGAIN. LOVE YA BILLIONS!!! ( SAID THIS TO HER EVERY NIGHT BEFORE BED )
Thanks for reading. David

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Dear David2

I am so sorry for your loss. As you quite rightly comment there are many of us on this forum who can understand your sense of loss, heartbreak and the physical pain that grief brings.

Your grief will still be so raw. Please keep posting as you will find plenty support on this forum.

Take care.
Sheila

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Thank for your comments Sheila. Just hope the hurt subsides one day
Look after yourself
David xxxx

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Hi David2
I know what you must be feeling like I lost my husband in August I feel devastated and cannot believe he’s gone to think I will never see him again breaks my heart we to had booked holidays we was supposed to go in September this year instead the day we would have gone I was at his funeral. Holiday company have transferred it to next year but how can I go without Jim . People say it gets better with time but I don’t think I will ever get over this I cry at the littlest of things I pray every night for god to take me in my sleep so I can be with Jim.
Take care my friend xx💔

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So sorry, and understand every word you said!!! Its been 12 weeks since I lost my wife, and still cant go into our bedroom or dinning room, where she passed away. Have cancelled the holiday for next year.
I really cant understand how I can cry so much. I am now in the house on my own, and any little thing I see, reminds me of Lynne. People say it gets easier but I just cant see how. I also cant see any future on my own, but would the wife want that? I read something on the internet, one quote said :- It doesnt mean your not grieving. You are
, but you dont have to be miserable 24 hours a day. Live your life, and your loved one would have been proud of you for doing it. Go on, show your loved ones that you can do it. Think positive and see what a difference it can make. Trying, but easier said than done !!! Thanks for your message. Thinking of you. Dave xxxx

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Nearly 9 months since I lost Patricia it’s still so raw, it’s horrible being alive sometimes. The only thing keeps me going is the hope that we’ll meet again. Try to keep busy. I find reading helps especially at bedtime, I’d give anything to have her here, keep posting :heart::disappointed::cry::broken_heart:

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Thanks for your message it’s a horrible time

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Hi David2
So sorry for your loss.
My Valerie was also given false hope.
She passed away of Cancer after 6 long years. I think she should have been given better care/monitoring/support/information in that time.

I hope you get though the days and years ahead.
It’s truly a different life without the one you love.

Best wishes.

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Thanks for sharing your loss, fully understand how you are feeling. Its the wort time of our lives.
As you said our lives have changed forever.
Hope our sadness and grief, will ease over time.
Best wishes
Dave

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David 2, my husband died on 10th November. I do understand when you say you don’t want to be here. I said something similar to a friend today, I said I just want to vanish . However that won’t happen so we have to carry on but having found this site it is helping that other people feel the same way and are experiencing similar emotions.

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Hi David, I just read your post and it was like reading my past year except I am the one that had part of my lung removed in February after being diagnosed with a shadow on my lung. We were isolating and my husband was making me a piece of toast. He never came back with the toast. Collapsed in the kitchen from a massive bleed to the brain. Died in my arms in hospital. So I’ve been through this op been told it’s ok. BUT nothing is ok. It’s 316 days alone and I’m still waiting. Don’t know what for. When you’ve been together for 50 years you are lost, alone, empty. What do I do? Where are all the friends. Getting on with life. Where are we. Waiting.

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Dear Parsley

I am sorry at the loss of your husband and understand the impact of sudden loss. I was with my husband for 42 years (married approaching 39) and agree what are we meant to do. I cannot reinvent myself. I call our little bungalow the waiting room and that is all it is. As you say friends and family return to their lives and despite their best efforts and promises we are left behind to go over and over what was meant to be.

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Hi Sheila, I don’t know about you but I can’t seem to cope. I get up and that’s it. Can’t do anything. I feel what’s the point. Being alone is really mentally bad. I can see that as human beings we can’t cope on our own. Hence the form of punishment/torture of solidarity confinement. A terrible place to live and guess what we are now living there. I can’t believe how many of us are suffering like this and it’s a pain that I’ve never experienced. I liken it to be opened with the old fashioned tin opener. Does anyone have an answer to how we go on. I know my husband wouldn’t believe I had ended up like this but then I think he would of been worse.

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Just over 5 hard months since I lost the love of my life to cancer after 46 years of marriage. The diagnosis and treatment delayed by Covid I wasn’t even allowed into the hospital when she received the diagnosis. I wouldn’t want her to go on suffering and I am doing everything that I can to battle through this but just when you think you are making progress the Christmas cards addressed to Mr & Mrs start to arrive and set the tears flowing.
I have no family, friends and neighbours are being good but I really miss having female company in the lonely evenings

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I sympathise with you Bob. This is the first Christmas for 53 years, I will be without the most wonderful wife in the world.
Words cant express my grief and sadness.

Dave

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Dear Parsley

I tend to go round our sons to help with the grandsons - two under 2. To the outside world they all think I am coping, that I have found something to keep me focussed. But the reality is I am not coping, I am barely hanging on. At the end of my ‘shift’ with the grandsons I climb in the car to drive the two miles home and just weep. Returning to an empty house, no husband to exchange chatter with, no smiling face. I am still angry, angry at my husband for leaving me. I warned him often that if anything were to happen to him, especially on the motorbike, I would never be able to cope and I’m not. I do sometimes meet a friend and go for a walk but she has her husband so it is only once a month but to be honest I decline invites because sometimes others are insensitive or come armed with a whole list of activities/clubs they think I should join but that’s not me and I cannot change. I just need my husband, that’s all I ever needed.

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David2,
I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I sadly know the pain you are going through as does everyone here because that is why we are here, we are in a club nobody ever wanted to join. My loving wife died in March suddenly and unexpectedly and my life ended. I have been doing things that I have to do but I don’t do much anymore. The pain is terrible and for me it isn’t getting better even though everyone says it will, today is day 266 and it hurts worse each day and I miss my loving wife more each day. I can only say what others have said to me, you have to take it one portion at a time, be that a minute, an hour, a day or whatever. It helped me to keep going but I haven’t gone one day without crying when I wake through the day and when I go to bed at night. We were together for 35 years and married for 34 and the loneliness is a part that nobody understands either, a couple is now not a couple and “we” didn’t agree to that.

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I am facing Christmas with very mixed feelings I will be away on a cruise with friends which will get me away from this empty house however it will be so full of memories as it is the same cruise as the last one I did with my wife, with the same 3 friends.

In addition I have to face my first holiday in 48 years without her, the first Christmas in 48 years without her, the first New Years Eve in 21 years without her and the 6 month anniversary of her death 3 days before Christmas.

I have no idea how I am going to face up to all this but I have to try in order to follow her wishes that I try and get on with my life. The tears are flowing just typing this so there will undoubtedly be times when I just sit in my cabin and let them flow and others when my friends will lift my spirits and help me through.

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Bob18,
I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you are able to honor the wishes of your wife. I hope also that your friends do help you through the journey none of us want to be on. This is the first Christmas and actually everything that has happened since March is the first without my loving wife in 35 years and I dread everything now that has happened or is going to happen with the exception of my eventual death which can’t come too soon for me.

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John

Thanks for your message. Try and hang in there I have several friends who have lost their partners who tell me that whilst you never get over losing them you do eventually come to terms with the situation. I just hope that that is sooner rather than later !

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