Bob18,
I am here until God says otherwise, My loving wife and I really had no friends because all we wanted to do was be with each other and now that is a part of my problem. I have nobody that really understands what this is like except for the online forums that deal with it. The few people who even cared that my loving wife died mostly dropped me almost as soon as they found out as if it was contagious and the were going to catch her death. It hurts and the loneliness is just terrible.
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Dear john9
I think that makes it all the more painful. My husband placed great faith in his âfriendsâ. I knew them for what they were and as I had always thought they are noticeable by their absence. The only two who continue to try and offer support were long-standing friends who did not engage in my husbandâs passion for the motorbike. I think the others are afraid to hear what I have to say, they talked so much rubbish to him over the years but were far more experienced than he was. Its not that I blame them, my husband was old enough to make his own decisions, I just have plenty time to recall the times they mocked my efforts to stop him riding. Now they can sit with their wives/partners and look forward to retirement, something I will never have.
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Sheila26,
It doesnât seem right that people who who âcauseâ trouble seem to be allowed to keep going and the âgoodâ ones have to suffer. I know that my loving wife was a better person than I am and I am not saying I cause trouble but why did she have to die and leave me to suffer. I feel that she would not have been able to deal with this as âwellâ as I but it still isnât right. Sadly I think all of us who are here know that very few who have never lost a spouse or significant other will just not get it in the sense that it isnât a ânormalâ loss. We spent too much time with the person we lost to just forget and move on. My loving wife was âitâ for me, she was my One and Only True Love and she was the First Also, she was my Whole World and My Everything and when she died my life ended too in every sense of the word. There is no way to explain this kind of pain to someone, it has to be experienced and I donât want anyone to have to do that sadly many will and then maybe they will understand but at the same time they will be grieving and wonât grasp that they are in the âexactâ situation that we are now in. It is hard also to explain that in reality no two peoples grief will ever be the same because of âlifeâ and what made you the person you are or what made them the person they are.
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am so sorry for your loss,its so hard to live with out them ,i was married 38 years.sadly last dec myself stephen and our youngest daughter got coivd19,stephen was taken in to hospital 7th jan and put into a induced coma but never came home,i still cant belive he has gone and how i have got throuhg the days with out him âŚsending love and prayers to you x
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Your story of you wife, Lynneâs passing mirrors my husband, Stuart, except he died in July. I feel exactly how you do, I donât want to be here anymore, though I would never kill myself, I canât see any future.
We can only take to good days along with the bad , but know life will never be the same without our loving partners, whom we grew up together and then suddenly one gets taken away.
I found walking on my own a great way for thinking as well as exercise, I go to places where I can cry along the way & thereâs no one to see me.
I hope that youâll be okay and find a way to live a single life.
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Thanks so much for your comments xxxx
I count myself very lucky have read some of your stories. I have friends dating back to 1960âs schooldays who invite me for visits, I have neighbours to go for a drink with who also invite me for meals and friends that we meet on previous cruises encouraged me to go away with them this Christmas.
Yes when I am on my own itâs easy to dwell on how much I miss my fabulous wife but I try to keep busy and am determined to pull through this.
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Dear David, You are right until one experiences deep loss it is impossible to feel deep grieve. it is 8months on Thursday since my beloved husband of 49years suddenly passed away I am hopeless and pray everyday and night to be with him Life is cruel
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Thereâs a lot to be said for taking just one day at a time, trying to see a future, or make plans is what holds us down, Iâm thankful for what I have had, to have been married to such a wonderful man who was my life, I miss him terribly, but I know life goes on and in his honor I get from one day to the next, I know thatâs what he would want me to do, yes I cry, yes its hard, yes Iâm alone, Iâve had days I didnât want to get out of bed, but I did, for him. Life will never be the same, we will never be the same, if it was the other way around I wouldnât want my husband to live his days so unhappy, yes its OK to morn, to feel sad, to miss them, but itâs also ok to smile again too.
Hugs Chrissy3
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Chrissy I agree with everything that you have written itâs exactly what I am trying to do
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Thank you Bob 18, no one ever said it would be easy, I hope you find something in each day to help you smile and move forward, getting over the loss of someone so special in our lives isnât an option, but moving forward I believe is, its all down to attitude. Bless you
Hugs Chrissy3
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Dear john9
You describe my feelings exactly. Me and husband met in our teens and for each this was our first serious relationship but we knew instantly that we wanted to be together. I just hoped that we had more years together.
Not coping very well - will be glad when Christmas is over. People not in our position are really just pushing me close to the edge with their insensitivity and âit must be getting betterâ approach.
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Sheila26,
I too want the Holidays to pass, BUT January is our Anniversary month and it will be the first one without my loving wife IF I am unlucky enough to still be here and then March is the month she died AND it all starts over again. I am trying to do what I can but I am sorry I donât want to be here without my loving wife and she was why I did everything. My world actually revolved around her and basically everything I did was for her benefit not mine, whatever she wanted I did everything within my power to get it done for her. I have no purpose anymore after caring for âpeopleâ and MIL died. I canât fathom only thinking about myself because I havenât for 35 years.
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Dear john9
I worked two jobs at various times to give us a good home and a chance of a good retirement only for sharing our old-age to be taken from me before it even started. March is a bad time for me as we were married then and next anniversary marks our 40th married. We had so much planned to celebrate that achievement. This is the first Christmas for our second grandson who never got to meet his granda and then it is his birthday in April, the same month as my husbandâs. The pain just continues.
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Hello David I am sorry to read about your wife. I lost my husband John in August he had a massive heart attack. We had been together 11 years and only married for 31/2 weeks. I also miss John terribly and life will never be the same without him. We had no warning signs of his heart attack and was so sudden. My thoughts are with you espwxially with this time pf year. Take care and enjoy as much as you can Teresa
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Sheila26,
And this is what nobody will understand if they have never experienced it. We would have been married 35 years in January and we were just looking forward to âourâ time alone after caring for my friend and MIL and we felt we âdeservedâ that at least. Not having to worry about anyone else for a change you know 12 years was a long time to be responsible and have to worry about someone. I just feel so cheated out of that future.
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Iâm so sorry for your loss Westlelover. Life can be very cruel and unfair at times.
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Westielover,
I am sorry for the loss of your husband, my loving wife died in March and it was sudden and unexpected as she had an un-diagnosed heart condition and went into the Hospital on a Thursday and was dead on Saturday night. We were married 34 years and together 35 and the loneliness is just terrible for me and nobody understands that unless they have gone through it and I donât want that for anyone either. No support from anyone makes it so hard to process and deal with too.
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I agree Nothing will replace loss of beloved partners. Mine was suddenly and I am still in deep grieve. Just want to be with him
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jeremy,
I am sorry for your loss, and I keep telling my loving wife everyday âI donât know what to doâ and âI donât know how I am supposed to keep goingâ. I also tell her âI hate being alone without her here with meâ. These statements are my grief venting and absolutely nothing makes any sense to me in any way, even the things I always thought I knew. I know believe I never knew anything, I just thought I did.
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