John9
Jeremy is my dearest hubby name. As a retired barrister I no longer want to do anything just cry for him he did not want to go He called my name non stop until his last breath. i was in a trance and cant remember much We were one and always have been together just us I am just praying to be with him
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jeremy,
I hope when I respond using âjeremyâ I donât make you any sadder but I completely understand the loss and the way you describe your husband. But I had told someone once when they said they were afraid to make a comment I said you canât really make me any sadder than I am. My loving wife and I only care really about being with each other and had no friends to speak of. The oldest friend I had I was a caregiver for until he died in January so it was a double kind of a loss for me because I actually met my wife while I was working at a store he owned and she worked there too. My loving wife was the motivation for pretty much everything I did, if she wanted something done I did it. I did things so she didnât have to, I did things because it made her happy, you could say she was my muse even though she was the creative artistic one. If she came up with an idea we would try to figure out how to make it reality. If she wanted something I would do whatever I could to make sure she got it if possible. When I told our neighbor that she had died he made a comment that out of all of the married couples he knew âwe were the only ones who actually liked each otherâ and it was true not only were we in LOVE but we liked being with each other. My loving wife was my best friend which makes this grieving very hard because IF you lose a spouse your best friend is supposed to be able to help you through the grief and I lost my whole world, my everything my soulmate, my best friend and my lover and so much more all at the same moment in time and I just canât take all of this kind of pain and suffering.
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You reflect all the love we had for each other. My friends and family say I was his princess. Evry birthday, anniversary and Christmas he gave me a card. Every time he is beside me he had his arm round me hugging me. Life is impossible I just wait for my time to join him Writing this makes ne weep. Where does the tears come from
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jeremy,
I have been asking myself the question about the tears since March because I didnât know a human could cry so much. My loving wife was very proud of everything I did for her and people would say she was spoiled and she would say YES she was and was proud of it. I cry all through the daytime and as soon as my head hits the pillow at night the tears just flow, although I am not sure why I havenât woken up lately crying I am still sadder each day than the day before and I want to not wake up and am MAD when I do.
It seems to me that we are going through the same distress. I am lost for words. You lost your wife who you worshipped, I lost a Husband who worshipped me
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jeremy,
Yes and although I never really thought about it one of my biggest fears would have been for me to die and leave my loving wife to suffer as I am suffering. Obviously the other biggest fear I never thought of was for my loving wife to die because there was no real âwarningâ it all happened too quickly. The only sliver of a silver lining was that she didnât suffer a long drawn out death butâŚ
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when my beloved was poorly all he could say was " who is going to look after you" I said âyou areâ He was very distressed about me not himself. I just donât know how to cope and just pray my time will be up soon
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jeremy,
I never got a chance to have a âfinalâ talk with my loving wife. When she was in The local Hospital I went to see her and the Doctors were working on her and she had an oxygen mask covering her face so she couldnât really talk and she was in distress because she hated being restrained. The Doctors asked me to leave the room so they could insert tubes to make it easier for her. I had to leave to go home to take care of her Mother who had dementia and couldnât be alone for long. We never left each other without saying I love you and I told her I loved her and I am sure that is what she told me too but with the mask on I couldnât hear her sweet voice. That was the last time I saw my loving wife alive. The Doctors called me to tell me that she needed to be sent to another Hospital who could help her and they would let me know when and where. I waited for a call and finally I called and was told that the air Ambulance had just left and it took 30 minutes to stabilize her to be able to go. The nurse told me that I should wait about an hour and gave me the phone number to the other Hospital. I never got the chance to call because a Doctor called me to tell me that my loving wifeâs heart and lungs had stopped and asked me what I wanted them to do and I said EVERYTHING that they could and she hung up. 30 minutes later I received the WORST phone call ever that they tried an my loving wife had died. I tears me up that I wasnât able to be with her when she needed me the most and I feel like such a failure. I had to drive to the other Hospital to see for myself and to have the closure but I had to wait until someone could be with MIL and it was the longest drive in the world. It still doesnât seem real even though I know it is too real and I have to live with it every day until I can finally die.
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So so sad for you. I know we cant bring our love back but I am considering action against 2 hospitals to save others It may be too early to ask you if they attempted to resus her. Do you know. The hospital gave my beloved Covid, bedsores. mrsa, blood and sores weeping from his legs He discharged himself . He lost over 3 stones in weight. I am not a nurse but I treated him and within a few days his legs were back to normal and in 2 weeks gained 13 lbs in weight. They left him to suffer. Covid gave him myocarditis they murdered him He was the perfect English gentleman , a perfect husband, there are no words left to describe him. Tears run down my face as I write this Sorry
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Iâm so sorry for what your husband went through Jeremy.
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Thank you Its unbelievable the treatment my beloved had to go through
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jeremy,
Yes they did try to resus her and they couldnât because really she got to second Hospital too late, I believe she was already dead when she got there but they did all they could. I âblameâ her death on a variety of things that all transpired at once and originally her Doctor wouldnât listen to her complaints and by the time she was in the Hospital everything just started piling up and it was too late. She had some sort of an infection that they couldnât figure out and it was poisoning her blood and then she had a heart attack and a blockage and after they put in a stent for that her heart rate was too fast but her blood pressure was too low and finally it was just too much for her. And as I said she hated being restrained so she probably had an anxiety attack too and didnât understand what was going on. And everyone wearing masks and she couldnât hear well out of one ear so even if they explained things she might not have heard it correctly. All of this is what goes through my head every day and makes me feel so much like a failure for not helping her more. I miss my loving wife so much and it hurts so much.
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Dear John9
I feel so lost as I also felt that I could have done more. Our GP and District Nurse stated that I did my best. I feel deeply for your dear wife and yourself. Only persons who have undergone these unexpected loss so deeply can understand. There are no words to express the deep grieve. Nothing anyone can do not even professional counsellors seem to help. I just wait for the day to come when I can join him
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jeremy,
I fully understand and I am saddened that âweâ know this kind of pain and suffering, you are correct that unless you have experienced it you donât know what it is like. Even the few people who are supportive donât really understand. My loving wifeâs Aunt was very understanding as they were 5 years apart in age and were more like sisters and she helped me and MIL at first but then it was hard with her own life going on. Then MIL died in August and she was sad again and tried to be supportive to me but then she suffered 2 strokes in September and while she was trying to recover and figure out her own health issues her oldest Daughter died suddenly and unexpectedly in October at the age of only 38 and we thought that when my loving wife died at 53 it was too young. Sadly she is a little more aware of the pain I am going through even though I am not fully aware of her pain. Losing a child must be difficult and I hope never find out but when you are with someone every day for 35 years in my case and to lose them and be alone is really painful and at the same time the words donât really describe what is happening. I have no motivation to do anything and it isnât a good thing to be that way. But at the same time I really donât care.
John9
I am lost for words. i am so so sorry to hear about the tragic consequences within the family. I feel selfish about my deep loss been together for 49years never apart. I feel so alone despite many close friends and just wait for my time to join my beloved. Friends and family say it takes time how long,
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jeremy,
Thank you and no matter how long the time it takes for me it will seem too long. My loving wife died 271 days ago and it seems like it has been 271 years, we were married 34 years and together for 35 and it seems like minutes. Time is my worst enemy right now along with my broken brain and the thoughts that âloopâ constantly in my head.
I lost my wife in March. She was just 50. Weâve married for 25 years. She was my best friend. The best thing of my life. Everyday spend with her was like a privilege. After all these years we can still chat for hours in most evenings without feeling bored.
She had an emergency surgery for a ruptured ovarian cyst but was complicated by sepsis(this is very rare); she become critical and stayed in icu for a week; miraculously she recovered. After a month and a half in convalescence she was discharged home on xmas day 2020. My 14 yo daughter and I were so grateful. I saw her, though very weak, got better every day; we continue our plan for early retirement in Taiwan; went there in Jan 21 for the last paperworks and we even went to look at some apartments as our potential future home. I thought to myself it was godâs grace and we have decided to dedicate the rest of our lives helping others. Without any warning on 2 March while at work I got a call from her at home: she had chest pain and I rushed home to accompanied her to the hospital: they said she has dissected aorta and the emergency surgery fails she left me within 12 hours. All our plans shattered. And the lives of my daughter and me are ruined forever.
I just want to say that however deep you are in love, however perfect your family was, nothing can stop your love ones from leaving you. This is an incredible cruel world and is highly unpredictable. An existence ( i wonât call this life) without her the loneliness and emptiness is so unbearable. Through trial and tribulations my wife and I have built a relationship which had always been the envy of our friends; and she was the best friend of our daughter; her best mentor in life. Sheâs been suffering form ill health for years yet she was kind and seldom complaint; always willing to help those in need however ungrateful some people could be. Yet this is what we got. I have no words to describe how I feel.
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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You have to be strong for your daughter
Aisha (from Singapore)
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I had my Counsellor to day and he is lost for words to deal with my loss. No one cna make it easier, there are so many of us why such heartbreak its too much for all in this place I pray day and night to join my darling still waiting
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You have my deepest sympathy, live is so unfair my late wife was the kindest gentlest person yet she was taken whilst evil people survive. Everyone on this site understands what you are going through and will over our support to you and your daughter. Just be as strong as you can for her but donât bottle up your emotions you just have to let the tears flow at times.
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