luckystarhongkong,
I am sorry for your loss, I believe I expressed that to you before but I am truly sorry. I completely understand as much as I can because I know every grieving is personal. You have a young Daughter which makes it harder for you, our son turned 30 the month after my loving wife died also in March. I loved my wife more each day than the one before even after 35 years and I expect that I will grieve her as long as I am breathing and “thinking”. I will never know the true reasons for my loving wife’s death because I refused an autopsy and they listed a heart attack and narrowing of the arteries, she was also believed to be suffering from sepsis but it wasn’t listed as a cause of death. We never made plans because we found out early in our marriage that “life” had a way of causing things to change and sadly we were reminded of that when she died suddenly and unexpectedly. There has been so much death in our family (really hers) that I just want to go to sleep and not wake up because the endless pain and suffering is too much and all alone without the one who was my everything is as you say not a life. It is more of a punishment to me or at least that is how it seems.
jeremy,
I understand the statement, I won’t say I pray but I do “tell” my loving wife everyday that I can’t keep doing this without her. I say also I don’t know what I am supposed to do or how I am supposed to do it and I really don’t want to do anything. I get up in the morning because I “have” to or the physical pain is too much and the thoughts are too. I don’t know why I am still breathing or existing because my body is so tired and my mind is shot from grieving, simple things I used to take for granted are very hard now and I was always the person people came to for solutions to their problems. Now I can’t do the simple things, things that are obvious aren’t anymore. Please let it end soon.
I have exhausted all my feelings and now just wait for my time to join my darling
jeremy,
I am not sure if my feeling will ever be exhausted but I can say that I am exhausted from this grief. I keep trying but I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I was the problem solver and this is not a problem that can be solved. I know everyone wants us to believe that our spouses want us to move forward and not be sad forever but they aren’t here and that is the problem I don’t know if my loving wife would as sad as I am or if she would be sadder which I don’t think is possible or if she would just accept it as some seem to do and move on with here life.
John9
In our predicament words do not help Yes deep grief is overwhelming and surrounds you all the time. My dearest was the problem solver my mentor my life how can one move on. Just have to wait for our time to join our loved ones
jeremy,
I understand that we have no choice but to endure this pain all alone. But I have said before that just because I know something doesn’t make it easier to go through. Take care John
I passed out a couple of days ago with high BP the alarm did not activate so they are looking into it on Monday. All this grieving is taking its toll I don’t mind if I can be with him the sooner the better. you take care as well
jeremy,
I hope things work out for you. I believe my loving wife’ Aunt suffered her 2 strokes because of Grief stress and high BP as well. She unlike me wanted to live because she feels she has much to live for and then her oldest Daughter died and she is wondering. I just ask that whenever my time comes that it be quick because I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. I took care of others and know how hard it is to do. I would like it to be peaceful and in my sleep. But I also know that what I want isn’t what I always get. I have said that I don’t know why I haven’t died from stress over all I have had in the last 12 years with each event being worse than the previous except the absolute worse being the death of my loving wife and my stress level was off the charts and it should have killed me. Take care, John
Like you I thought the stress and deep grieve would finish me off. I dont understand the reason I am still here. I just wondered if your Aunt and you and I could meet up and pour out of grieve. Would this lighten the grieve When my dearest was ill all he kept saying “my wife my wife” who is going to look after her. Now I know why he was so concern for me
I lost my wife to cancer in June. It was very quick. We relocated to Cyprus last November and the diagnosis was in January. We had no clue.
We were married for 32 years. She was my life and died at 50.
I’ve been crying tonight after a period of acceptance. It hits you when you least expect it. I’m miss her so much.
Dear john9
My husband knew my views on his motorbike and I told him that if he was ever to die as a result of this activity I would not cope and certainly never be in a position to move on. So here I am living this hell without him, broken hearted and walking a dark path alone.
jonlakin,
I am sorry for your loss, and yes it comes out of nowhere mostly when you least expect it. I haven’t had a “good” day yet and today is 9 months (273 days). I have been told it gets easier but so far not for me.
jeremy,
I am unfortunately located in the States and we can’t meet, that is why I am online here and even though it is different grief knows no borders. Every grief is unique and at the same time the same. Pain is universal and those who experience this kind will never be the same. Our lives changed when our loved ones died and I am “happy” my loving wife didn’t have to go through this. Nobody should but too many will, some will be lucky and not experience this for various reasons and I hate that we all did and are.
Sheila26,
I am sorry that you have the extra pain of dealing with something you “feared” might happen and it did. I understand the point that has been made, HOW am I or how are “we” supposed to move on. I am in a dark place today because it is a Saturday or as I call it Sadderday because my loving wife died 9 months ago today. Everything just bothers me now and I don’t like it. I feel cheated and I know most here do as well of a future we should have had together that should have been much longer and the time “missing” is pure torture. I don’t know how to do it all alone and I don’t want to either.
Dear john9
Years stolen from us. Also our kids are desperate to have back the mam they knew and depended on but that person no longer exists. So as well as loosing their dad they have lost me in a sense and I know how much this upsets them so I try to hide my pain whilst deep inside the tears continue to flow.
Sheila26,
I understand I try not to cry in front of our son, but it is hard sometimes and it comes out. I know that when I die he will be sad but I am sure he is strong and he will make it. It is something that is supposed to happen at some point, shouldn’t be yet with my loving wife at 53 and maybe not me at 62 but I’m okay with it now. As I have said my loving wife was the only reason I wanted to be alive and now… Take care, John
Thank you. Smiths and Malbec tonight.
The 6 month anniversary of losing my wonderful wife Sylvia is in 4 days time. I have no family so I am trying to be brave and embark on a Christmas cruise today in the hope that I will meet other single travelers to talk to.
Packing yesterday was very hard it was so strange not packing her things and having her buzzing around doing last minute tidying. At one point I had a complete meltdown and to stop packing whilst the tears just poured out.
I promised her that I would try and get on with my life without her but it’s easier said than done, perhaps this break in a different environment will help.
I am wearing her wedding ring on the little finger next to my ring so I have something of her with me.
Stay safe everyone and have the best Christmas that you can.
Hi Bob
I hope that the cruise is enjoyable and the other passengers friendly and sociable.
Take care.
Hello Bob you have a enjoyable break as much as you can and a good Christmas. It is 4 months tomorrow since I lost my darling John and I wear his wedding ring all the time, we only got married in July this year but were together for 11 years. I have family so I am very lucky. Take care my dear and stay safe.