Hi Peter Its good to keep in touch with someone who you know is going through the same as yourself. Loneliness is hard to bear. Its lonely as they say in a crowded room but twice as lonely when you have no one to show you any love, understanding or compassion. Your house no longer feels like a home as you have lost the most precious person in your life, which is just so unbearable. Very slowly the pain will start to ease. As I speak I have gone quite a few days now without any tears. When I do cry it will take me days again to stop, but you have only recently lost your wife so don’t expect too much just yet. I am always here to talk if you need to. Take care. Janet X
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Hi Janet, it gives me hope when I read your post that there must be light at the end of the tunnel I’m pleased that you get some partial relief on your journey.At the moment my days and nights are emotionally mixed up as my journey has just started but I hang on to the belief that it will get better as I learn to cope as time passes so thank you for sharing your thoughts as it really does help
I lost my Rob on the 12th November too.I was his full time career for 13 years and it’s hard having no one to look after anymore.The ironic thing is that his disability didn’t take his life like we thought it would.The hardest part for me was having to part with his electric wheelchair which was his pride and joy and gave him his independence.It was new and he only used it twice.I cried when it went out the door.We didn’t know that the day we returned from holiday that he would only have 4 weeks to live.I miss him so much,he was such a comedian,always making me laugh,even up to 3 days before he died.My heart goes out to all of you,I know how you are all feeling.Love,Jill xxx
Hello peter i was very close to tears today but managed to stave them off. Couldn’t keep the sad thoughts away though. I get quite anxious with some of my thoughts and my hands start to shake. I feel i have aged 10 years in the last 12 months. Must get some sleep now before its time for work again. Take care. Thinking of you. Janet X
Hi Janet thanks for the message I’m pleased that you are making progress in your journey even though it’s a long process.im sure you are a lot stronger than you reliase,and through time you will get to an exceptance .
Today I have felt so sad and cried a couple of times but not with the same intensity I just feel so tired and alone I’m not liking this part of the journey or to be honest I don’t like any of it,but I can’t hurry through I have to except that the pain is something I have to get through.Thanks for listening and you take care
Hi Peter, We hear you alright, we all know that gut wrenching pain and the never ending tears. You have come to the right place Your loss is so raw so please don’t expect too much from yourself so soon. Your tears are a tribute to your beloved wife so let them fall. When and wherever it will release that tension eventually. I have cried everyday for over a year and I think of myself as a reasonably strong person, or at least I was. I accept it as a part of my life now. How you cope will be up to you, no one can tell you. For me it was to keep busy but this might not be your way. If I feel tense or unhappy I go out for a walk. I have kept up interests but no amount of being occupied can take away that sense of loss. It catches us out and I don’t think any of us thought that grief would be so hard. It happens to other people, at least that is what we thought. We are all here for each other Peter and you will find kindness and understanding. xx
Hi Pattidot,thank you for your kind words and understanding ,I’ve learnt on this site that I can express myself freely and people get what I’m saying they have been there or are still in that dark place
I hear you Peter, I am going through exactly the same as you. I lost my mum on 22nd October which was expected as she was 88 and not in good health then 3 weeks later my husband took a fatal heart attack 
I am devastated and in total shock. I am lucky to have a very supportive family and friends who have been amazing but at the end of the day I am alone with my thoughts and memories and like you I feel so lost and can’t believe I am going to have to live without the love of my life. I am scared of the future and angry that our love for each other has ended so abruptly 
I don’t know how I will ever get over this and can sympathize with how you feel. I am glad you have found this community as it helps chatting to folk who are all in the same boat, part of a club we never wanted to join
Hello peter thank you for your reply. I suppose i must be making progress but it doesn"t really feel like i am. My thoughts always have alan in them, even when i am at work and occupied. I have always been a thinker so maybe thats why. When he was still alive and i was at work, my thoughts were always on him. Just couldn’t wait to get home to him. Its strange really because when i did we didn’t always say a lot but just to be in one anothers company was all that we needed. You say i am stronger than i realise which i think is true. That will be down to a very bad relationship i had before i met alan and a father who was never there for me. Alan spoiled me in every way so i guess i lost that strength along the way. I now have to find it again to show my sons i can and i will get to have some sort of life again with or without their help. As you say the tiredness and lonliness is the worse part. The pain i don’t think will ever go away. How can it, but maybe we can ease it in time and try to live our lives as best we can. We will always feel alone because our special person has been taken from us and no one will ever replace that bond we shared. Take care and one day we might see that glimmer of hope. Wishing you a better day tomorrow. Janet x
Hi MrsColt it’s a very difficult time and I have to admit at the moment I feel as though it will never end ,I cry I overthink I cannot believe that she has gone forever that is the most difficult thing for me to get my head around no talking to each other no seeing each other so wrong. I’m having a bad day seem to do nothing but cry
I am the same today Peter, another week begins without my Darling Colin and all I do is cry and rage that this happened to us. Even though I chat to him like he is still here it’s no comfort. I just want him back with me and can’t envision my life without him. I have friends who have lost their husbands and they say you learn to live with it but never get over it. I hope you manage to get through the day and tomorrow is a better one for us both
V x
Peter…
…i am the same as you, all alone in this parkhome, totally feeling lost and empty, is this it now…is this as good as it gets…Coming up to nine months now and not one day without crying…
Jackie…
Hi Jackie I know what you mean you question everything to the extent of what’s the point there’s no one there she’s gone and not coming back. I am having a tough time at the moment as on my own I keep overthinking everything then I start crying then the cycle starts again.It gets dark,i get sad,I cry.Im in this bloody house all by myself,the house we worked so hard together to make a home what now? I just don’t know such a bad day I hope tomorrow is better I know this is a long hard and sad journey but I know I’ll make it with support from the community
So sorry for your loss Peter my Mam died on Oct she had bowel cancer it doesn’t feel real I don’t know if I’m in shock or if it will hit me we knew she didn’t have that long and watcbe ber get weaker and weaker but Iv been reading these posts as my dad is now on he’s own he’s a quiet Man anyway and must be so hard for him il trying to help him but don’t know how they was married 53 yrs was there last anniversary 2 days before she died they have a little dog so he as that still but he doesn’t go out the house her birthday was 23rd Dec too so Dec was really hard but if any advice for him
Off anyone please messge me iv just asked for some grieving leaflets for him he said he’s feeling angry at her for leaving him I said I think it’s all part of it xx
Hi Susanuk I’m sorry for the loss of your mam you will find with reading on here that everyone walks this journey in their own way.Your dad will come through it at his own pace there’s no time limit As a man who is still raw with emotion I try and deal with it by letting my emotions run when they do,which might be like your dad most of the time when I’m on my own I can grieve as I want to in my own house.I also find it strange in my own grief I want company but when I have people around me I want to be on my own after a short while as you can tell a very confusing time .Your dad will find his way in his time Take your time with your dad and yourself and the pair of you will get through Take care
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Another very bad day for me got my wife’s ashes yesterday all I’m doing is breaking my heart can’t stop crying keep remembering what we were going to do in the future so sad I’m having trouble coping at the moment nothing makes sense so lonely ,I seem to be frightened and unsure and so mixed up things seem to be getting worse than any better feeling worn out
Peter…
…such a lot to take in, dont think we will ever get used to it…our loved ones, our forever partners being gone, gone forever…
…all i can offer is a (( hug )) to you for now…
Jackie…
Thankyou for replying it’s so hard but I know your going through the same so it’s good to get advice from someone like you I only live across the road and go every day my sister does too and my brother now and then but I don’t know if he wants us there or not or if we are getting on he’s nerves I know when my Mam was in hospital a few times he said he hated been in the house on he’s own xx
Hi Susanuk everything you say is probably true,if I get visitors after a while I want them to go, my hardest times is as it turns to dusk and I feel the greatest loss.i find if I get a phone call asking me if I want cup of tea it makes me choose do I want company or stay on my own depending on the dayI’ve had.Just take your time with your dad if he’s like me I’m not used to showing my feelings but I have had no choice this grief was to much to handle.i have found this site and the people brilliant ,who have and are helping me through this journey may be let you dad read some of the experience that we are all going through.i do this when I’m on my own it allows me to be honest to myself and other people with out being embarrassed
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Thankyou for your help my dad is like that too doesn’t show or say anything how he feels I think he hates the dark nights and bed time too when she’s not there he said he doesn’t think he will ever accept it xx