Lost my wife a few months ago , missing her so much. Keep thinking about life. We were married for almost 40 years , all the good times we had , I can’t believe it’s all gone and I can never talk to her again.
I find the days now so empty , long and boring. Every day is like Groundhog Day. What is the point of life now she is not here.
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Alan, I am sorry for your loss, I have been through this, I lost my Darling wife of 52 years in April2024, she had Parkinson’s and I had been her carer for 20 odd years. To say I was lost, I did not know why I was still here, my reason for being had gone. I am lucky that I have 2 adult children who have been very supportive. My village runs a Bereavement cafe that meets once a month and these together with this site have been a great help. I saw this somewhere " Time does not heal a heartache, nor stop a silent tear, or take away the memories of one we held so dear." I try to hang on to the happy memories and treat the other two as the price of the 53 years I had my wonderful Elizabeth, I try and be grateful for those 53 years, as Peaches (another member) has said. I leave the radio on even when I am out so the house is not quiet when I come in. Be kind to yourself don’t forget to look after yourself, eat properly. I am lucky that I get some social interaction that helps. I belong to a book club that meets once a month. Go the the social club to meet up with some friends once a week. It all helps.
Come on here for a chat, a rant at the world or just a ramble like I am doing. I find it makes me feel better. Hope to hear from you soon.
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@Alan555
I am so very sorry for the sad loss of your dear wife.
I understand and can empathise with what you are going through.
The situation is pure agony.
I am very newly bereaved too… just 4 weeks and the funeral was on Tuesday, so everything is extremely raw for me.
To give you some background, if you haven’t been following my posts… my darling soulmate was just 58 years old and had bravely and courageously battled an aggressive cancer for 9 months.
He was my world and I was his for the last 20 years.
We had the most loving and wonderful relationship and life together.
All our dreams and plans for the future - we envisaged another 30 years ahead of us - have been cruelly stolen from us.
I am completely heartbroken, distraught, lonely, isolated and scared.
All of the above is causing me to experience daily anxiety and panic attacks for the first time in my life.
I miss him like crazy every minute of every day, and I honestly don’t know what to do without him, and how I am expected to get through this.
To be honest, the loss of my beloved soulmate has broken me.
The reason I have described everything above - and that is just a very brief summary - is because everyone on here is experiencing grief, BUT… I’m beginning to see how different people and their different circumstances (age/time together/support) are affected very differently.
I am also 58 years old, and quite frankly, I feel cheated out of the loving, caring, kind, dependable and wonderful man that my world revolved around.
My darling Michael was taken way too soon.
He was strong, fit, active, and full of life, before cancer struck so suddenly, and out of the blue.
All our plans, hopes and dreams for the future and everything we were looking forward to, have been stolen from us.
They all disappeared in the blink of an eye
Michael wasn’t given the chance to live a full life… only half a life at 58 years old… Michael loved me with all his heart and loved our life together… there’s nothing he would have wanted more.
My loss and pain are immense.
Even when I think of the many happy memories, they bring me so much pain, because of the unfairness and injustice that I have described.
It’s my darling soulmate who should be here with me, not just the memories, which have been cut short anyway.
The only comfort for me is that my darling Michael is no longer in pain, as he suffered horrifically with the cancer, which was very rare and aggressive.
I could write a book on that alone!
He was a HERO… he really was, and didn’t deserve any of what he went through.
And now, it’s me who is suffering and in pain, because I just want him back with me
Other than that, there is no comfort for me… only loss, pain, emptiness, loneliness, fear and uncertainty.
The trouble is… my darling Michael was “one in a million” - I always knew that - and our relationship and life together filled with love and happiness.
I am definitely paying the highest price for that now.
The grief is all encompassing and I can’t see a way out of it.
Please know that you are not alone in this, if that helps at all.
Sending everyone going through this nightmare lots of love xx
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Thank you for your kind words
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.Thank you for the kind words. It is very difficult , my wife had a rare blood cancer , she battled for 7 years in and out of hospital . She spent her final 6 months in hospital before losing her battle.
During the last stay in hospital I visited her every day . After she passed I just found my life empty .
The only way I am coping is trying to be busy all the time , I find keeping busy just stops me thinking about it. I find the worst times is when I don’t have any thing to do. I find it difficult to relax . When I relax I find I just get depressed
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I feel the same, lost my husband of 46 years. It’s awful, 3 months yesterday. I’m so lost and missing him so much, still can’t believe it. We’re told life goes on, yeah I get that but never will be the same. We need to rewire our brains I guess.
Just unbelievable
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Hi Alan555,
I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through but you can talk to her, you can look at her photos and tell her what you are doing.
My husband died nearly 11 years ago after 47 years of marriage and there is not one day that goes by that I don’t say ‘good morning love’ when I get up in the morning, say goodnight love when I go to bed and also say, I am going out, I won’t be long and when I return home, I say hi love, I am home, I even moan and groan to him when I cannot get something right on a job I am doing.
Our sons who are in their mid 50’s always talk about him in their conversations because he is still part of our lives, even our little grandson, born after he died so never met his grandad looks at his grandads photo and say hello grandad I am now on holiday.
Our sons at the moment are down South for the weekend together for a break and re-visiting all the places they went to during their growing up years when they went on holiday with us both. They go to exhibition days where their dad used to take them at the weekend, they have the same hobbies as their dad had so, even if my husband is no longer here in body, he is definitely here in spirit.
It takes a lot of time to even get through the days but step by step, hour by hour we get through the days and before you know it so much time has passed and we, at last, can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and even now after nearly 11 years on my own, I can still cry for what I have lost, for what we have both lost because my husband had so many hobbies and so many things he wanted to do so now our sons are carrying on the tradition, not just because of their dad but because their hobbies are their dad’s hobbies. I have today been receiving photo after photo of the places they are visiting where we took them every year from them being toddlers to them being too old to want to go with us.
You will get through this, it won’t be the same life you had but a different life, a life no-one wants but that is what we have got and it is up to us to honour the memory of our loved one and carry on because they would have given anything to be with us now.
xxx
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Good evening everone
Yes u are quite right , how can things be normal ever again.
I too talk to my late wife as if she is still here and I take her photo with me from room to room. It’s eighteen months now since she left after 64 years married and I don’t think I will ever get over it and I look forward to the day we meet up again. I think that all of us who are left behind must do whatever we can to get by until we meet up again. God bless you in your struggles.
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Hi Stuart,
I am a great believer in the after life so one day we will be together again.
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onestepatatime
I like to believe that this will happen and my dear wife and i will be together again.Being without her and all alone now breaks my heart.To be honest the help and support from everyone on this site and the thought we will meet our loved ones again iare the only things keeping me going.
Take care
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Hi brummy,
That is what keeps me going too, knowing that one day we will be together again, a love like ours can’t just end with death, there has to be more waiting for us when we leave this earth.
Our sons asked me if I was afraid of dying and I told him no I wasn’t, because our family now have their own lives and grandchildren grown so when my time comes I will be ready. To be honest, I am surprised I have survived all these 11 years without my husband, I honestly thought I would join him shortly after he died but I didn’t so now I make the best of the time I have left and thank my lucky stars that I had the most wonderful marriage with my soulmate.
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I would like be believe that , but I’m not so
sure .
But it’s difficult to believe that all the ups , downs worries and struggles myself and my late wife had to build ourselves a comfortable life and home was for nothing.
Worked all our life’s looking forward to enjoying retirement and unable to do anything due to illness .
Hi Alan555, I also feel the same and it hurts a lot because my husband had so many hobbies and loved life and I feel so terribly sad for what he lost but then I think about all the little children who are ill with terminal illnesses and realise just how lucky we were to have spent 50 years together when there are so many people who never ever get that.
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I saw a wedding video from Johnr but when I went to watch it all his posts and the video has vanished from this forum, does anyone know what has happened to them.
Onestepatatime
" realise just how lucky we were to have spent 50 years together when there are so many people who never ever get that."
“thank my lucky stars that I had the most wonderful marriage with my soulmate.”
That is lovely and what I try and do, The grief has got to fade if I can do that.
Hi Onestepatatime
Yes I agree with you , but it is still difficult to understand why a caring loving person like my wife was taken .