I can resonate with you word by word literally!
I hate the phrase ‘Moving on’ what moving on, how can we move on, move on from what exactly! I will never move on but what I am trying to do is to rebuild my new life alone, but with him in my heart and mind, sharing everything I do from now till the day I join him 
.
Take care x
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I totally understand, people unless they have been where we are really don’t have a clue as I didn’t before I lost my wife, I know people mean we’ll so I accept there comments great fully and don’t dwell on them because it makes me angry, comments like, you need to move on, you have to be selfish, you’ve grieved enough, she would want you to be happy. I can’t move on, I want to go back, I am being selfish I want her back, I could never griev enough, and she would make me happy, mabey I’ve misunderstood?
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Hi Angel1309,
I feel your pain, I too worked with my loved one at home, and I stare at her chair and she is not there, her laptop is gathering dust and it used to click away like mad when she was working.
I hate being in this house 7 days a week on my own, it’s unbearable, however, although I cannot see her, I do believe she is still with me, when she’s not flitting around her children and her mum.
She is telling me to get on with it, I must not waste life, I should learn from her not to take it for granted and live as she wishes, for she wants to see me smile again and move forward, else I will hurt her again.
I am lonely and so fed up, I know how you feel, and whilst that doesn’t help, you are not alone, I feel your pain and hear your heart cry, but I trust you have an aura of love around you, from your loved one.
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Thank you @pgw69 for your kind words. It is comforting to know we’re not going through this alone. Thanks to this wonderful community 
I am forever grateful to be able to air & share my sorrow and pain.
Staring at empty chair is so sad and unimaginably painful, which I do when work from work 2 days/week. Working in the office helps a little when people are around so won’t feel alone but can still feel lonely sometimes.
Loneliness is horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but very sadly we have no choice but to just bear it and pray that it will get better someday day!
Take good care everyone x
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I agree sometimes people just don’t know what/how to say to someone who is grieving. They can’t possibly know how it feels unless or until it happens to them. At least they mean well!
Take care x
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Hi @Chrisj, @Angel1309, @Luke and @pgw69,
Pretty much exactly as I would have said. Thank you. Frankly, there would be some grounds for optimism if I were not continuing to feel increasingly bereft as time passes.
Come January it will be two years since my gorgeous wife Christine died. I have given up on “feeling better” per se. Rather, I just want to find some way of living alongside the sadness and loneliness. I’ve not found that way yet and completely identify with this notion of feeling stuck.
Best wishes to you all. x
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@Chrisj. I can identify with your comments completely. On the 27 December it will be the first anniversary of my husband passing. We were married for 51 years and together for 55. Like you I have joined various groups and met new friends but still feel incredibly lonely and alone. Terry didn’t want me to sit at home and be miserable, but I don’t think he realised how hard it is to be on your own. It is certainly a solitary existence and can only hope that moving forward, it will be easier to accept. Sending everyone best wishes for Christmas and New Year no matter what you are doing. I personally will be spending it on my own. I am estranged from my children, so don’t get to see the grandchildren. Their choice and I have learnt after speaking to a counsellor not to let it bother me anymore. I am not going to let their negatively affect my life
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Ho @ caw1
It will also be my 1st Christmas without my husband of 35 years. We had our 36 one o 28th August which i did on my ow physical but he was with me on spirit. I was lucky to have known such a special 
man. He was so kind happy easy going person sadly missed since he passed on 8th June 2023.
Like you say he would not want me to be sad upset unhappy or miserable.
I have 2 daughters 1 here in east kilbride about 1hr from me and 1 in Australia.
3 grandchildren here and 1 great grandson.
I dont see them often they do not visit or phone but like you say their choice.
Maybe i need like you ignore their negatively and move on.
My daughter in Australia and 2 grandchildren call me weekly from there so at least one daughter keeping in touch.
Life is hard and tough for each of us without having to deal with family issues to deal with.
Spending Christmas 
on my own this year like many others here. Treating as just snother day like others we have managed to survive.
Take care and sending 
and hugs at this time
Lynne
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Yes, life is hard and tough for us all, small things that usually don’t affect us at all now seem to magnify greatly. We should be able to deal with our sadness and loneliness in peace!
Take care and hope everyone is keeping well as you can.x
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@Galaxy75 Thank you. It is not always easy to ignore your children, especially when you hear on the grapevine they are having problems. I spoke to my counsellor recently and his advice was, what can I do about it, what can I do to help them. I did try a few months ago to help but got it all thrown back in my face and was told if I contact my son again he would take out a restraining order against me. That is why I have had to learn to not let their negatively affect me. I have enough to deal with learning to accept life on my own. Next year a good friend I have made recently are going on a few day trips and even talking about a coach holiday. I am also hoping to visit my friend in Penrith, so trying to make a life as a single person. Take care
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You too take care
Hope you enjoy your planned coach trips.
I am planning going to Belfast on my own as we had always said we would go and it should have been October for my birthday.
Hoping to go maybe March or April next year.
Lynne Xx
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Having a few wobbly days again this week!
This morning on my way to work on the train started feeling so sad all of a sudden almost in tears not sure why! Maybe it’s getting closer to Christmas when we used to be chilling at home just the two of us or maybe just one of those days without any apparent reasons!
It’s coming up to 8 months in the new year but I feel like I am heading back to square one - again, despair, deeply sad, lonely and longing to have him back into my life. Every day is a struggle to get through to the next day - miss him so much so terribly 
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So sorry for you all . I can’t believe it’s happened and he’s not here for Xmas . My son is absolutely upset at seeing all the Xmas stuff everywhere. We are off to gran canaria Saturday to get away from it while it’s so raw
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Hope you both have a good time in Gran Canaria as you can x
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Working from home on my last day today!
It’s so completely silent 
and depressingly gray outside 
. Put on some music to keep me company - what song that was played first, unexpectedly!
“Jealous of the Angels” the song that was played at the funeral - that’s it! I am, again at the bottom of the gutter! Miss him so much so terribly . (My angel, my love, I hope you are at peace wherever you are will be thinking of you throughout this holiday season & forever ).
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@Angel1309, So sorry to hear that, it’s amazing how songs or pieces of music are played when we put the radio on. It happens to me so often, I am reluctant to put it on.
We are all going through an awful time.
Best wishes to you and everyone, we must try and stay strong, but very difficult.
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Hi @Angel1309,
Oh how upsetting for you. I am sorry it has once again brought sadness and loneliness to the fore.
I find it uncanny that the Universe seems to have a knack for doing that sort of thing when you least expect it.
I hope you manage find a calm space again today.
Best wishes. x
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Songs really set me off. I just have to walk out of places if they are played on their sound systems ‘. He ain’t heavy he’s my brother’( Ron’s brothers carried his coffin) and ‘Simply the best’ the last song on leaving him . I hope you all have the best Christmas you can although it’s going to be so so hard for all of us in this position. Take care everyone. xx. Ann xx
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@JerryH Thank you - maybe the universe is trying to test my strength!
However, it got a little better in the afternoon thankfully, when my sister in law called for a chat. It’s always so soothing to talk to someone who knew him well.
All best x
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