Thank you both xx
I joined a group called way up it’s for widows and widowers they are the only people who understand. You are not all right I confess I never say yes to that question. One look at me should tell you anyway. How can we be OK our whole world has changed, our life as we knew it has gone.
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I definitely believe the robin is a sign from your loved one, Ive had a robin visit regular since my husband passed in May last year and one time followed me around the garden as I weeded getting the worms and showed no fear, not had that before xx
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I lost my partner last year since then I cant help thinking about him and the life we had…I miss him so so much.
He passed away right in front of me…it was a nightmare.
I understand 100% what you’re feeling right now…its valid.
I dont know what normal is anymore…everytime I close my eyes I see him and when I wake up hes not there its heartbreaking 
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Same here, it’s been over 18 months in and I still think of him at every heartbeat. I hate life without him and the best I can do to help me carry on is believe he’s still here with me every day but I just can’t see him!
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That’s the trouble, “normal” has gone. That’s what I hate, I want my old life back. Where I had someone who loved me and i loved them. Where I was never lonely, or heartbroken, when I wasn’t scared, I want that life
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Is Way Up helpful?
It was my first meeting, but I think it’s a good idea, they all understand. All widows and widowers.
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Hi everyone.
I was only away from reading this thread a few days, and hundreds more messages. I wish I could reply individually to you all, as I ‘get’ you all so much.
@Peter11 - one of the things you said about missing the ordinary… It’s become my mantra to couples still lucky enough to have each other, I tell them " enjoy and embrace the mundane and ordinary because they are the most special moments and the ones missed the most"
But I don’t think they really get it?
The robin was definitely a sign .
I had one visit once, I’d been doing some work in the garden. I had to cut down a whole vine, because our puppy couldn’t be trusted not to eat the fallen grapes (which are highly poisonous to dogs) anyway I’d done all the work, brought all the bags of garden rubbish out the front. Then I went back to admire my work!! A robin hopping all around where I had cleared the vine. It hadn’t been there for the 2/3 hours of my work… And just appeared after I’d finished. That was definitely my husband telling me ‘well done’
And all the feelings of sheer exhaustion. Over 2 years for me … But just so EXHAUSTED all the time. And yes I tell people I’m okay when I’m not because it’s just too exhausting to tell the truth. If we dare to , often a response like “oh what’s happened then”. I just want to shout , MY HUSBAND’S STILL DEAD!!! What do you think the matter is!!
And yes, not having the one person there to talk to , to share things with, to make everything okay.
I’ve had a few health scares recently and put on a two week fast track referral for bowel cancer?! A colonoscopy this Sunday. I’m sure it will be fine, but also I honestly don’t care if it’s not - might get me to my husband quicker.
Just would worry about our two little dogs - they are the ones who have kept me going .
Sorry another rambling message…
Lots of love, hugs and strength to you all
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That was the thing me and my husband did appreciate the mundane, the small things. A cup of coffee, a sunset, everything and anything. Because we LOVED being together, as long as we were together everything was wonderful. We had had plans for holidays lots of things, these went down in size as my husband became a bit worse. In the end the only thing that I cared about was we were together.
I get what you say about if you have bowel cancer although it really saddens me to read it. I know exactly what you mean about people asking if you are OK. I want yo scream at them I will NEVER be ok again how could I be!
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Dear @Lost12
Thank you.
Yes, me and my husband always appreciated the ordinary too. Being together was the only thing that mattered. Like you as his illnesses took over that was what we left with but nothing mattered as long as we had each other.
And yeah you are right. I want to scream that too I WILL NEVER BE OKAY !!! WHY ON EARTH DO YOU THINK I COULD OR SHOULD BE!!
Lucky them for not understanding.
But the sad reality is that 50% of everyone in a couple will have to deal with what we are.
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I was booked for a colonoscopy on the day my husband passed last May which obviously was cancelled but when it was rebooked its the first time I have gone for a test querying cancer and not been bothered if it was cancer cause in my mind Ive no fear of dying now cause I will be with him again!
So I wholly understand your feelings, sending hugs x
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Just reading all the posts on this thread and sadly can relate to all of them.
Today I met my father in law for lunch which I was really looking forward to, as he is one of the few people who will talk about my husband / his son with me 8 months on.
But one of his daughters decided to come along too unbeknown to me.
Whenever either of us mentioned my husband or his wife ( both passed ) she changed the subject - and then had the cheek to repeatedly take photos of her food to send to her husband - just to make him jealous.
I know she may be grieving her brother and mum, but I’ve come away feeling robbed of my time with my father in law where we can just reminisce together and remember the good and the bad times without any judgement or guilt.
My 16 year old daughter was there also and she was upset that her aunty was just disregarding her dads memory.
We live far away so don’t meet up very often but I get so upset and angry with these people who just want to pass over the loss and pretend it never happened.
And there are plenty of them.
I’ve made new friends since my husband died and sadly many of them are widows too. I find they are the only ones that I don’t feel invisible with and they seem to be the only ones I can relate to anymore.
Does anyone else find this?
I know some of my good friends really try hard, but they just can’t understand and I think that’s what I really need at the moment.
So Glad there are people on here who understand and just get it.
Thankyou all for listening xx
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I am so sorry your day wasn’t as it should have been. I feel robbed, when I can’t talk or reminisce about Richard. I get you. Hugs and understanding xx
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Dear @Georgi
Thank you for your reply…
Yeah… I am not one bit scared of dying now! I’d do nothing to bring it on myself but if nature…
In it’s own way that’s quite comforting not to be worried about death.
We’ve all faced the worst - smack bang in our faces - so nothing nothing - not even our own deaths can be worse.
But I do hope you are ok. Have you had your colonoscopy yet?
I’m sat on our sofa (where I still sleep 2 years on) with our two dogs either side of me. Really wish I could fast forward to after it’s all over this time on Sunday.
And know the outcome…
Big hugs to you , hope you get some peaceful times this weekend
I understand how you are feeling
my darling.
Life for us us just c**p isn’t it.
So many things happen that we have no control over, that just me ske us take a thousand steps backwards.
I’m so sorry what you hoped would be a day to help you and your father in law didn’t work as you hoped.
I hope you get another opportunity to just talk with just him, even if it has to be on the phone xxxxx
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It seems some people do not want to be reminded of someone who has passed. Maybe they are uncomfortable with it, or are just not facing the fact. I agree with you about widows being the best people to talk to because they have experienced the same, no one an really understand how totally devastating this loss is unless they experience it.
I had a meeting with my brother recently, I have no other family and was in a terrible state, he was coming to see me a rare visit. When he came he brought his adult son and we didn’t get to speak at all.
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2 years is a long time on the sofa. With my ex husband before I left I spent 9 years on the sofa. After losing my beloved husband I slept on the sofa for about 6 weeks. I am now going to bed which I am glad I can do.
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The thing is for me, for the last few years, about 3/4 of my husbands life he slept on the sofa as couldn’t do stairs. We had baby alarms so I could hear if he needed me, and I set the alarm on my phone for every 2 hours to come downstairs on check on him (he had to use bipap machine for his severe COPD.
So I feel closer to him downstairs.
Madness isn’t it…
So sorry, severe cops, my husband had ILD, which medical staff often referred to as copd. It was drastically quick at the end I slept on a sofa next to his hospital bed. I say slept I only put my head down for minutes as I had to monitor his oxygen constantly
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