sending hugs 
Thank you but unfortunately there isn’t one in London… 
I miss caring for my husband, at the end was 24/7, just me and him. Then bang it’s all gone, what on earth am I supposed to do. I am in no fit state to commit to anything even a volunteer job. Yet I must get doing something with all this time on my hands I am constantly being terribly upset. I need a distraction, I have no fat, no pets no job I think that makes it worse. My mind wanders back to the terrible last scenes, I must get a distraction.
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So please I’ve kept his T-shirts so now I wear them as pyjamas and feel he is still with me while I am asleep 
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Thank you for asking, yes I am good I got the all clear but can’t deny I was disappointed at the time, but for my kids & grandkids I know it’s best for them.
2 years is a long time to sleep on the sofa, that can’t be good for you, but then it may be a sofa bed.
Just wish none of us were in this situation it truly is the loneliest existence,
Take care sending hugs xx
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Hi everyone
I posted on here before but I ask myself, why???
I know we’re all in the same boat, but honestly, what good are words. We can sympathise with each other but it doesn’t take the pain away. It doesn’t take the utter loneliness away.
Looking back at my life I feel that I was born with “mug” written across my forehead. Yes, there have been some good times, like the wonderful 10 years I had with my husband, but they’ve gone and I’ve come full circle to being
back on my own with no-one. I spent over 20 years on my own and have no wish to do it again. As the saying goes - I’ve been there, done that and got the tee shirt and don’t want to do it again.
I’m thankful for parts of my life but looking at friends I wonder what I did that was so wrong and why I couldn’t be like them. I guess that sounds as if I’m feeling sorry for myself and yes, maybe I am, for which I apologise, but as I have no-one here I’ve got nowhere else to go. I know counselling won’t help. It’s just words and they won’t bring back the one person I loved with all my heart.
Sorry for the moan but I can’t find anything positive in my life. I can’t find a good reason for doing anything, there’s simply no point. 
Sending love to you all 
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Yes I agree with you they are just words, I really need actual people and I haven’t got anyone. Like you I have come full circle I met my husband when I was at a terrible time in my life, I say my husband saved me, he said was same for him. But now I’m back totally alone, as I was before. Struggling not to let the grief turn into depression as I’ve been there before. Yes like you I look at others and I can’t understand what I did so wrong. A lady I spoke to in a cafe yesterday was there with her daughter, her daughter was so lovely. I heard the conversation daughter offered to do all sorts to take her mum out. I actually have a daughter but we are estranged, I have no idea how she could treat me as she has. I honestly did everything for her, I always put her first, but that was probably the mistake I made. Why do things go so badly wrong for some and others so nice. I know we all had our problems but honestly some have more
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Best I can come up with is it would be could if people in similar situation could actually meet up, but we are always many miles away. Then it would still be words but with human contact.
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You have put into words exactly how I feel, it is just an awful situation to be in. Biding our time is not how you are supposed to live your life but thats our lot now and its so tough, you put on a front with others and they think your “moving on” whatever that means but after 47 yrs of marriage thats an impossible task.
All any of us on here can do is take each day at a time and in reality live a lie by putting on a front when in the company of others and then coming home to an empty house and feeling devastated because your walking into an empty house, and let the tears come that you have held in in front of others xx (was in tears writing this so apologies to you all for my negative thoughts) Hugs to you all xxx
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I understand because I feel like you. It’s so so difficult to socialise and appear normal
( whatever that is) when you’ve lost the one person that gave meaning to your life.
For instance, I’ve just drove into town and now home and previously we would just enjoy each other’s company, a coffee and cake, clothes, food and another day spent together. All done on my own now, the empty passenger seat, an empty house. Even visiting her in the care home to I had her company; different relationship but still together. But all gone.
And there’s this underlying pressure of Christmas and I’m sick of it already. All I want now is Christmas gone and the winter out of the way and the warm weather to arrive.
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I doubt I am appearing normal, I know I don’t look how I did. I can see the hurt in my eyes, I don’t recognise myself now when I see my face. The simplest pleasures of having a coffee together, we loved because we Were together. Doing things alone has no pleasure to anything. In some sense I welcome the dark cold nights it’s another day got through. The sunshine makes it worse because we would be out in it, enjoying it.
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@Harriet4Bill When I read your post it reminded me of when I wrote something very similar, under Had Enough/Losing A Partner on 10th September.
Sometimes it does all get too much and we find ourselves standing still and unable to put another step in front of ourselves. You aren’t feeling sorry for yourself and I agree wholeheartedly that some people seem to sail through life while some of us have it tough from the start, with maybe a brief respite here and there.
We keep going because we hope that something good may happen again. ATM I cannot imagine what this will be or when, but to lose all hope is to give up. We have come this far and we are all in this together. X
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Truthfully although Im adrift and lost . Ive decided today I cant spend the rest of my life in this state. Its only been 12 weeks for me after half a century ( we were just one year short of our golden wedding celebrations, now all cancelled). We lived and loved together. Now I cry my eyes out when the door closes and think how in one instant life changed for me. No warning no goodbyes.
But if I am to remaon sane for what could be 20 years to be with my children and grandchildren who are all so supportive I have to try and smile. They want the old me back.
Im finding that going through early pics and slides from 50 years ago is really therapeutic. We had our whole lives ahead , had lots of hair and flares and it was a very good loving life.
I am so grateful my husband and I had such a lovely life and I will always treasure the wonderful time we had together. He would be devastated to see me and the children so sad x
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You have children and grandchildren - a family - people to give you a reason to carry on - that’s where we differ!!!
Same here, I have no family, so I ask myself why do I have to carry on… The only answer I have is my husband would be devastated if I didn’t. In fact he said as much to me, knowing I would hit rock bottom. For us with no family and I have very few friends it is the hardest struggle ever
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Lost 12 -like you, my husband probably wouldn’t want me to be like this, but it’s very hard. We did everything together so there was a reason for living - we had each other. Now it’s just me, what reason do I have. It’s all very well being told we have to carry on by those who have a family. It’s not that easy when you are on your own.
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I lost my husband on 3/10/24. I haven’t really cried. I think I am still in shock. He was very ill at the end. So I don’t have the same moments as you regarding what do we do as I was looking after him. But I do feel very lonely and lost especially as we have just moved to a new area. It’s weird cos I really think I am still numb
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It’s very hard to carry on I have family but I don’t see much of them
I don’t have friends as I didn’t need them when I had my husband
I go to bed every night and think maybe I won’t wake up tomorrow but I do.I get up the next day and try to take myself out I know I’m on my own but there are people about .im really not liking my new life but we have to carry on the best we can
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Same here, we only had each other and that was enough. I didn’t need anything else, neither of us wanted anything else. Towards the end I was caring 24/7 that has gone leaving me feeling pointless. I had a reason to live, my husband needed me and I absolutely adored him. All the need has gone. I look at things that need doing at home, things I would normally have done straight away. I have no motivation, it doesn’t matter. But my husband was a wonderful man, when I remarked it was a horrible world, he said it was beautiful. He noticed sunsets, dawn, rainbows, chirping birds, even though he was suffering. I tell myself I am his Mrs, I am still his wife, I mustn’t let him down. I can say all that but believe me when I say I’m struggling staying around and he would also understand that, my best wishes x
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I didnt cry for a week after my husband died.
Numb.
Now i cry daily. Its a protective brain mechanism apparently.
Take care
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