Help, am I going crazy?
I surround myself at home with pictures of my Bridget and today, when I sat by her grave in the natural burial ground, I almost felt her holding me and comforting me as to say , there, it will be ok, I love you as I was before the dementia ruined me. Here I am to comfort you.
Is it unhealthy all this longing and holding on to the possibility of this closeness? It’s been nearly 5 years since she didn’t know me, 18 months when she died.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds.
What you do with your time does.
Just keep waking up every day
and take one step forward.
And one of these days, you’ll
wake up and realise that you’re
not only feeling a little better —
YOU ARE BETTER!
(by Mel Robbins)
A good friend of mine kindly sent this poem to me 
So good and meaningful - I read it every morning, on waking!
You are certainly not going crazy…we all have our own way of grieving for our beloved! Whatever we feel comfortable with really! No one can possibly know or understand why we do what we do - I say to myself all the time, just go with the flow…whatever makes me feel soothed…doesn’t matter what anyone thinks!
My motto…focus on what we had and not we lost!
Best wishes,
Your not going crazy you are longing for what you once had time is irrelevant i know people expect us to move on but I don’t think i ever will i can’t see anything in the future to move on to
You are not going crazy.
I feel exactly the same. 2 and a half years for me since I lost my darling husband on August 24 2022.
I still don’t believe it’s true, I still talk about him in the present, I still feel him with me all the time.
I do now often get the feeling that others think it’s not good for me, or ‘unhealthy’ how I deal with my grief. But I don’t care it’s my way. It’s my grief . no one else’s.
I think it’s perfectly natural to still want that ‘closeness’ . And if it helps you then it can’t be unhealthy.
But it’s so bloody hard, such a lonely journey and so utterly exhausting.
Love, hugs and strength to you all
Here’s something that’s not really talked about much - intimacy and when it disappears. The cruse counsellor thinks it would be good to talk about this next week. I don’t have any qualms about it really.
We always had a loving intimate relationship and that started to disappear when the dementia caused Bridget to become self negligent, not caring about hygiene and generally didn’t care about keeping clean. Also I was alway tired due to being kept awake and the trying to manage to life we had and the dementia behaviour. So, no closeness, never mind love life.
What really affected me, now I think about it, was her body was no longer intimately close, as her husband, but the in the care home her body was cared for by others, men and women, and because of the dementia she regarded me as a stranger. But, in a strange way, it was a privilege to help occasionally to help clean her, it was the return to an action of intimacy, even if it was basic hygiene.
I tried to maintain in my mind that we were still a couple but in the end I had to accept that the woman I used to love and loved me back couldn’t remember me as her husband
After 30 years of having a close relationship these things are missed, alongside no conversation, and conversation helps at least.
I’m so sorry you lost Bridget to dementia after being so close. That must have been very difficult for you. Intimacy and a love life is such an important part of marriage. We promise to ’ love and to cherish and to have and to hold’. When that is gone we do so miss it.
I don’t think any of us cope Its a different life One no one knows about until it happens to you. You can’t explain it. Only people like us know what you’re going through.
Hypnoses help
It’s March 25. My partner of 11 years passed away August 24.
He was 55 and died suddenly. I feel the same, like it only happened yesterday but also feels like ages ago. I can’t believe I’ve made it through the last 7 months. I’m ‘managing’, that’s the only way I can describe life now, I can work and socialise and I feel lucky I can but I’m different without him. In the background I’m very sad, I’ll never be the same again. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life but this is the worst.
I cry at least once a day, I lose my breath and panic at the thought of never seeing him again at least once a day. It’s part of my life now. I feel like I’m in denial when I go to work and go out etc and when I’m crying it’s reality…it’s scary without. I miss my him constantly 
Star B I feel exactly the same. My husband died suddenly on August 23rd. I cry daily too and now have my brave face (and dark glasses ready) when i go out.
People say Im coping , im strong,you are amazing.But Im not its a facade. Im looking in from the outside is how I describe it.
Ive fallen over twice in the last month and never before in my life.im just not concentrating not noticing uneven kerbs. Ive read this is not uncommon. Im losing my confidence.
I have an amazing family but the void is dreadful. I dont have dark thoughts just sadness.i know my husband of 49 years would not want me to be like this. We were a couple filled with love and fun.
Take care everyone x
JLf12 you have described exactly what i feel it’s been five months now since i lost my husband very suddenly we were together 50 years i go out as much as i can i’ve just started volunteering two mornings in a charity shop but as soon as i come back to my house (I don’t think of it as home anymore) I open the door and it feels like i’ve been punched in the stomach it’s so quiet and lonely I always end up crying. My children keep telling me how lucky i am to see so many people they don’t get that the only one I really want to see is their father 
I feel the same I lost my fiancé 2023 1 minute we were talking on the phone next he was gone I’ve never felt such raw emotionally pain losing my parents as one thing and close friends but his departure was something else I couldn’t say goodbye etc he’s wise his family wouldn’t allow it he left behind 2 daughters from a previous marriage but my life will never be the same without my Steve he was a DJ and loved his music 
it gives me comfort to listen to his live radio shows he volunteered for
He was only 51 so I can relate to this a lot always remained he will always be with you as grief is love with no place to go you just bring it along with you xxx
Sorry for your loss you don’t ever get I’ve losing anyone but you just take each day as it comes as grief is love 
with no place to go I lost my fiancé 2023 he was only 51 spent only 3 years together never made it to a wedding but I’ve managed to try and cope best I can it’s not been easy wasn’t allowed to say goodbye so that hurts a lot but I try to keep busy the best I can I have no plans to meet anyone in the near future but I do try and socialise with friends or just chill
Everybabes so sorry you lost your fiancé so young . It’s so sad you never got to have your wedding life sucks it’s so unfair sending love x
Heartsand. I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I had to actually slow down a bit…I can’t even do things in a hurry anymore. I always do things quickly and three things at once. I had to stop since my love passed, I had bruises almost cutting myself, falling etc, I’ve been in a trance over the last 7 months.
Sending you love and strength
I know JLF12…I look beside me to my left a lot of the time whether I’m sitting watching TV or walking or in a taxi on my own and hold out my hand wishing he was beside me. The absence of him is everywhere, the places I see everyday and places I go. 
We have to keep going for them, they wouldn’t want us sad all the time. Easy to day I know but it’s so hard. Sending you love, light and strength
Yes but I know he’s with me In spirit I’ve got my best friends wedding in July spooky enough it’s the week before his 2 year passing and I know he would have DJ for her if he was here it hasn’t been easy and I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye etc cause of his family but I have his engagement ring and photos and memories xx and thank you
Yes he is definitely with you and he will be with you at the wedding. 