@Angel1309 I am in the process of doing just that, putting all his photos in an album. X
@Paddy53 there is a video on my phone of my darling husband talking to our 10 year old twin grandaughters on the day he was taken into hospital and was in resus telling them he would see them the next day. They were very very close. Unfortunately that did not happen as he passed away the next day. I just cannot watch it yet but hopefully I will one day x
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Isn’t it therapeutic gathering his photos together - and even better when all the favourites are in one place X
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Hi! I don’t think you are being selfish at all. You have been through one of the worst things that could happen to a couple, so you deserve a bit of pampering.
I hope you enjoy it and that it helps you. Ann
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@AnnR Thank you. Really hope it helps as I feel as though I am back to square one at the moment. Just cant stop crying. 8 months on and really didnt think it would be this bad but as everyone says until you are in this ‘club’ you dont know how it feels or how you are going to feel. Take care. Ann x
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Hi @ AnnieG1
Yes like yourself 8 months on and i feel im back to square one.
No family close and friends stay 3hrs away so they phone every week.
Was hoping to volunteer to get out more but since i’m not feeling great and going backwards not sure.
Take care hopefully have a good day
Lynne 
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Some of my friends and family gathered around me when my wife died 7 months ago but now they have backed off I hardly hear from them anymore
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People have their own lives to get on with.
I understand that but even a call once in a while helps as nice to chat
Take care
Lynne
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It’s so tough and even after nearly three years I still get very dark days when I feel like it’s day one. This sadness we are feeling will never leave us but we will learn to live alongside it. Married 44 years to a man who gave me security, love and respect - just taken from me literally in a heart beat when he had a cardiac arrest in bed beside me. How I’ve got to three years on I’ll never know but somehow I have and am determined not to let this grief win. I’m battered and bruised but still going hoping I’ve made my darling John proud.
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I can totally identify with what you said; being together 37 years married 35 years to a man who gave me security love and respect - take from me in a heart beat 
except that mine had a cardiac arrest while at work . You must be proud of yourself to have such strength to come this far - I am only 9 month in and struggling one step forward two steps back every week and I’m exhausted and stressed - missing him terribly:broken_heart:
Keeping my fingers crossed I can get as far - life is so meaningless without my angel 
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Hi
Yes getting through each day is hard.
Im finding the loneliness quiet no one to have conversation cuddles laughs worse than i did 8 months back
Why is it taken me so long to get used to bring on my own.
Like you i miss him after 37 years together. Everything around here holds memories cant move anything even his ashes are in the bedroom he wants them taken to Fiji were he was born i guess when im stronger i will.
You are correct at this time live is meaningless without them but i will stay strong and carry on
Lynne
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Hi Lynne
Yes it is harder than anything I have ever had to get through
Me too, I am finding it a lot harder to cope with this horrible feeling of loneliness these days than earlier on. I was mistaken that it would get better slowly but now realise I am unwittingly taking so many steps backwards these past weeks - don’t really know what’s happening to me.
37 years is a long time to be together and do everything together - losing our beloved is like losing the other half of ourselves
Please take good care & of course, stay strong 
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@Galaxy75 & @Angel1309 we seem to be at the same stage. We were together 50 years. I’m so lost without him. X
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Thanks
Yes it seems to be a stage.
Was doing fine for a while now seem to be going backwards.
I remember reading somewhere it happens a few months into the grief journey so i think thats whats happening and hopefully we can move forwards.
Time will tell
Lynne Xx
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@AnnieG1 & @Galaxy75
Yes hopefully we can move forward. I am so lost and miserable every day without my angel and can’t bear it .
X
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It has been worrying me that I’m not doing as well as people think I should be doing - they keep telling me how well i am doing, but it doesn’t feel like it to me, its only been 9 months and we were together nearly 35 years, i miss him so much and admit I cry a lot when I’m on my own, so many memories
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We seem to be keeping our masks on, not intentionally though, so that’s what people see. Behind closed doors the masks are off that’s reality and only we know how we really feel. I am going through exactly the same experience I get told I’m doing so well - I just say to them they haven’t seen me when I’m alone!
I miss my angel so terribly I miss his wits, his jokes, his moves and most of all his unconditional love for me - he was my rock, my everything and I am so lost and hopeless without him.
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Hi @ Angel1309
Yes behind closed doors everything is different.
Coping without them is just so hard without them dont think it will get easier but we get through each day somehow.
Take care
Lynne x
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@Angel1309, i wish there was some clever words I could use to help but there aren’t any are there, does it help to know others here feel the same - others seem to put into words how I am feeling and i am very grateful for everyone sharing their feelings, I realise I am not alone with my emotions
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@Angel1309 So true, mask is a must to avoid abuse. In the beginning, I could not and did not want to pretend in front of my friends, so some are not around anymore. Today, I wear a mask, and ready to punch if it must be to protect myself. People in general, do not treat widowed people well. No, I am not being negative … other widowed friends have shared similar accounts. And I am no longer angry about others, rather I thank God for allowing me to have a kinder heart inside. May we all encounter angels sent by God along our journey.
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