It has been worrying me that I’m not doing as well as people think I should be doing - they keep telling me how well i am doing, but it doesn’t feel like it to me, its only been 9 months and we were together nearly 35 years, i miss him so much and admit I cry a lot when I’m on my own, so many memories
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We seem to be keeping our masks on, not intentionally though, so that’s what people see. Behind closed doors the masks are off that’s reality and only we know how we really feel. I am going through exactly the same experience I get told I’m doing so well - I just say to them they haven’t seen me when I’m alone!
I miss my angel so terribly I miss his wits, his jokes, his moves and most of all his unconditional love for me - he was my rock, my everything and I am so lost and hopeless without him.
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Hi @ Angel1309
Yes behind closed doors everything is different.
Coping without them is just so hard without them dont think it will get easier but we get through each day somehow.
Take care
Lynne x
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@Angel1309, i wish there was some clever words I could use to help but there aren’t any are there, does it help to know others here feel the same - others seem to put into words how I am feeling and i am very grateful for everyone sharing their feelings, I realise I am not alone with my emotions
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@Angel1309 So true, mask is a must to avoid abuse. In the beginning, I could not and did not want to pretend in front of my friends, so some are not around anymore. Today, I wear a mask, and ready to punch if it must be to protect myself. People in general, do not treat widowed people well. No, I am not being negative … other widowed friends have shared similar accounts. And I am no longer angry about others, rather I thank God for allowing me to have a kinder heart inside. May we all encounter angels sent by God along our journey.
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I miss my beloved so so much, and I pray that one day we will be reunited. Amen.
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Hi I love horses,
Your comment about the Robin brought back happy memories and made me smile. Years ago, I tried Cross Stitch for the first time , a beautiful little Robin but I didn’t get on very well with it. In fact it was a disaster and was a poor deformed (can you still say that?) little bird. Tony was always extremely supportive of my crafting attempts but even he couldn’t keep a straight face and we both fell about laughing. I was all for giving up but Tony persuaded me to persevere. The upshot was that after a while, I was selling my finished cross stitch on eBay and made quite a bit of money, enough to buy the cottons and fabric I needed to carry on. Then I found cardmaking.
I think it was you who said I should take it up again, but I gave away most of my supplies a while ago and can’t face starting from scratch, so I’ll stick with the Cross Stitch.
Stay strong!
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Hi Lynne
Life is cruel without our beloved 
Stay strong 
@Lou41 yes it does help enormously to know we are not alone! I don’t know how I would have coped so far without sharing on this site - thank you so much everyone for reading and sharing.
Best wishes
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@LolaA I think we instinctively put on a mask to protect ourselves. I agree that we are not treated well for some peculiar reasons sadly. We best stay away from negativity and keep close to kind hearted people to maintain our mental wellbeing, which right now is our main priority
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Same here, I hope my angel will be there to greet me when the time comes 
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Yes my lovely gave me tablets I start Monday went out Friday night which was good but when I came home broke down as I use to go with my angel every weekend I organised a group meet and sang at karaoke 
just wasn’t the same I miss my angel and still can’t get over he’s gone and won’t be ever coming back thank you for your support means a lot how have you been ??
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@Ilovehorses
Thank you so much for replying.
You said weekends are worse for you. That’s sad, but I understand completely. Weekends for Tony and me were ‘our time’. Close as we were to our nearby family, they knew we didn’t want visitors then, particularly on Sundays even though we adored seeing them at other times. We used to ignore chores, cook a simple meal and just spend the day relaxing together. Whilst I appreciate how devastating that horrendous lockdown was for all those people who lost loved ones, I must admit that I thank God for those precious days of just him and me, uninterrupted and content. They are especially precious as it was only three months later that he suddenly had a brain bleed and died.
I look back on those days with nostalgia, but I know and appreciate how lucky I was to have so many wonderful years with him (57). He was funny, generous, kind and loving, and he was very good-looking too. When we met, he was tall, dark and very handsome; over the years, he became a little shorter, and not quite so dark, but to me, still as handsome as ever. I was blessed.
I am coping better than I thought I would. I don’t know what the secret is, although I do tend to play songs we loved, which makes me cry and that helps me cope because it’s a release. Bottling it all up wouldn’t help.
Hope you are ok and coping too. We have to, don’t we, as the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about!
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Bless you you have suffered a lot of heartache
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@AnnR
What you said is so heartfelt and has brought tears to my eyes. It has brought back the loving memories I shared with my angel for 37 precious years and, especially during the lockdown we loved every second of being together 24/7 and were disappointed when it was lifted which meant we were having to be apart when not working from home 
It’s good to hear you are coping better than thought - I might try that to help me release my pain and emotions too 
. Thank you for sharing.
Stay strong everyone x
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@Angel1309 We must have faith. It is comforting to know many NDE experiencers have met their beloved angels spouse during their brief moments at the other side. 
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My poor wife battled for the last 2 months of her life with cancer she never moaned or complained she was so brave. I was so very proud of her and I looked after her till the end
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I have few good friends also made new friends and my eldest lives with me so it’s company but I still miss my angel 51 isn’t any age wish he spoke to me feel guilty and also angry he left so soon 3 years wasn’t enough time with me
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@LolaA OMG really? That’s given me such massive comfort to know that I will see my angel again one day
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