Mixed emotions

I lost my partner of 32 years 2 weeks ago very suddenly and my emotions are in waves. I find being on my own quite mixed . One minute I’m ok on my own the next I’m sobbing . He was always by my side and I miss him so much. Everyone has been amazing but they aren’t him. The idea of going back work fills me with dread as he took/picked me up every day and the idea he won’t be there with his grin is unimaginable.


Hello @wendyj121,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your partner that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

It’s completely understandable that you’d be dreading going back to work. You might find our returning to work article helpful to read. Two weeks is no time at all - please do try to be gentle with yourself.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


So sorry for the loss of your husband Wendy
At this early stage everything will be a blur and you will be just about getting through the day and in shock… cry when you need to, eat when you feel
Hungry and sleep when you can… if you can…
I lost my husband suddenly last July I just found him in bed with a packed bag ready to drive to his dads in the morning… it’s taken me a while to realise he isn’t ever coming back… honestly if I didn’t have to care for my dog I could just stay in bed and cry…
The first few months I’m not even sure how I got through… I spent most of the time on the phone and doing paperwork when I really just wanted to curl up and wake up from the awful nightmare… sending you a virtual hug

Thankyou X
I find that I need to be busy so I’ve done jobs around house and started on the paperwork. It’s the things like selling his car etc that is a necessity but feels like I’m deleting him.

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So sorry for your loss you really will be numb just now Im nearly 4 months into this nightmare after my husband passed suddenly after we arrived to celebrate Christmas at our spanish apartment Im now really believing his not coming home from work ( as i tell myself every day too help me ) Hate Friday asthat ws our relaxing night and now terrible as he passed Friday/Saturday in bed You just have to sleep and eat whenever you can cause just now nothing makes sense and like me will take a while Take care thats all we can do

Yes Friday night was our night too. It is all the firsts I’m dreading. It is our grandson’s birthday today and it was hard for us all. I stood for ages crying deciding whether to put from just me or both of us in the card. I went with just me as I thought at some point I would have to do it. I can’t even think about work as he always picked me up !

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner 8 months ago who died from a stroke when we were watching television. We had lived together for 41 years. Even after 8 months I find it very difficult being on my own (I have no family). As you say one moment it is OK (I would say bearable) and then the next I am crying a lot. We always did things together. Living alone fills me with dread. I am told that it takes time and eventually it will get better and we have to live with that hope. I am told that you learn to manage your grief better in time. How long that takes is different for everyone but you will get there if you believe in it.

Everything will be so hard for you Its just so terrible i ws like that with cards 1st 1 February after husband passed 2 days before Christmas then as for Mother’s day card again so hard for his mum when id to write from myself and adult son ( my mum passed when i ws 28yrs) This loneliness and disbelief is terrible and getting so anger with people now expecting me to be feeling alot better Hopefully you have good family or friends around you and don’t feel guilty when you just don’t want to see them as i often do as i get upset hearing about everyone else getting on with their lives Maybe just me or a feeling everyone goes through

I am lucky to have our amazing 4 children around me. I get what you mean about getting annoyed, I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve wanted to just going and hide from them for a bit. I also sobbed when I saw one of my sons and his partner sat eating at the table and it made me realise I’d never sit like that with him again. I felt so jealous and then felt awful for thinking that. I also can’t watch any of our joint TV programmes.

I totally understand I lost my partner to brain cancer 4 months ago he was 55. My world fell apart. I am back to work now and at the time I dreaded it,but to be honest it gave me something to get up for and get dressed. Sending lots of love x

I know I will have to go back work soon but as a teacher, I am already panicking about how I will get through the day without crying in front of the class.

Glad you have something to keep you busy thats what im trying to find now as i don’t work and there’s only so muvh housework or walking the dog you can do before you feel lost again My husband ws 57 and he ws planning on retiring in a few year and we’d planned on moving to Spain had actually just received our visa’s on the Monday before he passed suddenly on the 23rd December Its just so crazy how our lives can suddenly change so quickly and we’re left completely lost and not knowing our future without our soulmate you totally feel empty and youve lost yourself i think its all ive knew for 40 yrs after being together since I ws 15


I’m a teaching assistant in primary school have worked there for 20 years and to be honest it’s the children that get me through everyday they all cheered when they knew I was coming back. Don’t get me wrong I often go home and cry because he’s not waiting for me with a kiss and a cuppa. Don’t go back until your ready :grin:

We were also planning our retirement. I have thought about the won’t happens so many times since he died. I know he would want me to enjoy life but I’m struggling to think about a future without him.

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I lost my Wife in July to Pancreas Cancer after 3 months from diagnosis.
She had just had her 50th Birthday we were married 31 years and had 5 children.
I would say take your time don’t rush back to work I rushed back thinking it was the right thing because I didn’t like being alone at home but I didn’t last very long and took more time off.
You are right the 1st’s are difficult just take each one as they come and don’t be afraid to cry it took me a while to realise that.
Im lucky I have my kids that look after me during the day.
For me it’s the evenings and nights which I struggle with. Can’t remember the last time I slept all night.


At the moment, I have 2 of my sons staying with me. I have stayed on my own twice so far and it was so quiet and lonely. I know they will have to go back to their own lives and I’m dreading being on my own each night. I’ve read so many posts on here and everyone have so many great pieces of advice. It really is a great comfort to know you are not alone in all this


Im so very sorry for your loss your wife ws so young also Its just terrible the amount of people who are dealing with this nightmare and never expected too at this age I find it hard to sleep since this has happened and now having a few glasses of wine at night to try and euther calm me or numb this ache i hsve all the time Even got my dog on top of bed with me so not to feel lonely Thus nightmare i keep praying i waken up from as life feels so unreal now


Not gonna lie the night times are the hardest normally awake between 1 and 4, most probably not a good idea to get up and drink coffee but hopefully over time it will change.

This is the first time since my wife passed that I joined an online group and wish I had done it before there’s so many posts and topics to read. Sometimes your not sure if what your feeling is normal but reading some of messages I’m not the only one feeling like I do


I totally agree with you. I didn’t think I’d join something like this but I’m so glad I have. Sadly so many of us have lost our loves at such a young age. I also wake at about 2 and struggle to go back to sleep and end up making a cuppa .

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Yes it’s good to be able to say how you feel and now you’re not alone.
Being able to discus with other people that have also lost a long term partner is very helpful because they understand how you feel.
There is only so much you can say to your children even if they are adults.

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