Hi, I lost my beautiful mom to lung cancer 10 half weeks ago, this sounds so stupid a part of me can say my mom has gone but it’s not sinking in, feel like I’m in a really bad dream and just want to wake up, I don’t get how she can just be gone, it’s like my brain just keeps locking it out, I know this sounds so confusing and I’m sorry, I just want her back and can’t except that’s she’s gone, my mom was my world, I knew for 10 months about the cancer, I knew that it would take her , on the Monday we were eating fish and chips by Wednesday day she was gone, my brain is saying what happened, sorry if Iv waffled xx
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Hi Tracy1,
Firstly I’m so sorry you have lost your mom. There is no need for you to apologise for anything. Everything you say makes sense to me and if you want to see confusing waffle just look at some of my past postings. I lost my mum 14 weeks ago suddenly while she was on holiday with me and my family. One minute we were enjoying our great time away together and then on the last day I discovered her in the morning, sat in bed with breathing difficulties. Within the next hour or so she died despite my and the medics best efforts. It was terribly traumatic.
I think it’ll take a while before it sinks in properly. I was at work today and distracted but a couple of times I looked out the window and it hit me again that she was gone and life wasn’t as normal again. I hate those moments as they just cause disbelief despite knowing full well what’s happened. It’s hard to describe isn’t it?
I have no doubt how much your mom meant to you and it’ll be hard re-adjusting to life without her, after all, most of the time we’ve known our parents all our lives haven’t we? We don’t know a life without them until now and it’s horrible.
It is understandable that you want her back even extremely desperately. All your emotions are normal from what I can read and I can relate to all of them. Cancer is a horrible thing, and very traumatic for you and your mom. I know you say you knew it would take her but of course nothing can prepare us for the actual eventuality of our loved ones being gone. Life is crazy and very cruel sometimes.
Please keep expressing your thoughts and emotions here. There are a lovely bunch of people here who will relate to everything you say and will do their best to support you through this horrible time.
Shaun x
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Tracy1, I’m so sorry for your loss. There is nothing stupid about your thought process.
I can identify so much with your post. I lost my Mum ten weeks ago tomorrow. She died unexpectedly of pneumonia and massive heart attack in hospital. I know my Mum is gone, but I’m still in shock. I just can’t get my head around it. It feels not only heart breaking but totally unreal. There was no warning.
My mum last words to me where i think. “See you tomorrow.” She did not expect to die. When I told her I’d get her a larger print text for the Life of PI so she could read it quicker, she said “why”?
We lived together, as i was here carer. I look at my Mum’s empty seat at home and I can’t believe my eyes.
It is unreal. It is a nightmare. There are moments where I say to myself. How can I get Mum back? Of course that’s not possible.
Tracy, there is a lovely group of people on these forums who understand how painful it all is too loose a loved one. Keep posting, I believe it helps.
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Hi tracy,
I just wanted to add that everything shaun and daffy have said, I agree with. Except that my mum has been gone from a sudden brain haemorrhage 6 months on saturday and I am still in denial.
I know she has gone as her rooms are empty (she lived with us) but I still look for her when I get home or imagine I can hear her in the kitchen.
I will never come to terms with her death. Today I dug all the xmas decorations out of the garage and was in absolute tears seeing things that belong to mum that confirm her being gone.
I cry all the time. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Cheryl x
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Thank you for all of your kind words and understanding, I’m so sorry to hear about all of your moms, I see my brother and sisters crying and I’m walking round like nothing’s happened, I’m still working, I’m the eldest and the organiser, we were lucky in a way as we had 10 months and we made so many memory’s what ever mom wanted to do I sorted it , I love her with all my heart but now I feel nothing and that scared me as I couldn’t see how you could love someone so so much and feel nothing after no pain, no emotions, I can see from what you have all written this can be normal but the world is a much darker place now without her xxxxxx
When I lost my Dad nearly twenty years ago, after the first three days I stopped crying. I still felt unwell from it and still grieved.
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Hi to all I lost my mum 2 years ago on December 16 th you all will accept it it is not easy but honestly things will get better I think once first anniversaries are over you all will start to enjoy things again and look forward to things in life I still have bad days and Xmas is not great be with people who knew and loved your mums it helps my mum died on my birthday which is crap I try to celebrate my birthday early because that day is my mum’s day I hope you all read this and it gives you some hope that in the future things will improve and there is light at the end of the tunnel
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I just feel ill so bloody angry today,
To lose your mom on your birthday is awful ( not that losing your mom any day is any better ) I hate Wednesdays that’s the day my mom went, I just want to lock myself away on that day, thank you for your understanding I know now what I’m feeling is normal just vile xxx
It’s Thursdays for me the worst day of the week! I find myself marking the time on that day and looking at the clock and thinking, well, that’s another week gone by. I keep saying silly things like, this time x weeks ago, she was alive and then remembering that day and what we were doing, It’s maddening. Grief doesn’t have any set rules, you cry or you don’t cry. Not crying doesn’t mean everything is fine. Just go with any emotions you feel and if you need to cry then do it otherwise don’t feel bad because you aren’t.
Yes losing your mum on your birthday is horrible, my mum went on my wedding anniversary so next year we have decided to change the date to when we got engaged. Like Jage, I cannot celebrate on that day anymore.
I’m hoping things improve in the future but of course it doesn’t feel like it will at the moment. Such confusing times.
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It just feels unreal that Mum is no longer present. I know it will feel real at some point, but I’m not certain that knowing it truly will make it any better. Monday and tuesday are bad days for me, as is the weekend as it was the last moments I spoke to her.
Another tortuous trip to town hearing xmas music and seeing everyone madly biting presents.
I didnt even stop for lunch. I’m on the next train back home.
Thursdays and fridays are the worst. Mum had her op and fell into a coma on the Thursday, life support was switched off on the friday.
I still cant believe she isnt here.
Wishing you all an ok day.
Cheryl x
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Buying not biting…
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Hi Tracy 1
I am so sorry you have lost your dear Mum.
I lost mine 3 weeks ago yesterday.
She was chatting in bed at the hospital, which was supposedly a relatively common procedure - unfortunately that procedure cased a major stroke, she could not speak to us for the next 6 days prior to her death.
I was with her for the duration of that time & watched her die, but I too am at a loss as to where she is ?? Where is my mum, logic tells me I know she has passed however my heart will not believe it.
I have nowhere to go with my wanting to talk about her, it’s just so sad. I want to tell the world how I miss her so.
I hope you have as good a day as possible.
Love Justine
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Justine
Sorry if you have already told us but what was the procedure that your mum had?
My mum had a carotid endarterectomy, a common procedure to clear a 95 percent blockage in the carotid artery. Without the op mum had a massive stroke risk but the op should have diminished this.
Mum had a brain hemorrhage whilst in the recovery room. The number of times I have wished she never had the surgery and we just took the risk.
I completely blame the operation even though the postmortem decided that it was unrelated.
Cheryl x
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I’m nine weeks into the sudden loss of my Mum from pneumonia and a heart attack. It was unexpected. I can’t get my head around her no longer being physically here. Everytime I look at her empty chair its like a punch to my heart. My eyes can not believe what they are seeing. I lived with her as her carer. I had be told Mum would be released the following day, but it was clear to me that she was very unwell.
These forums are an excellent place to talk about your Mum. We are all grieving and understand you pain, upset and loss.
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I know how you feel daffy. It’s still such a shock isnt it?
I did the xmas decorations at home yesterday and mum had packed everything into boxes and bags and labelled everything. I felt sick opening each one, remembering doing them last year together with a large glass of wine.
It feels like a week ago, not a year ago x
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Hi Cheryl
Mum went in to have a stent fitted, probably a similar situation to your Mum. They dislodged “something” the doctors were unable to tell us what, but it was definitely not a blood clot or bleed.
Apparently she was talking to the doctor all the way through the procedure, but towards the end closed her eyes for 10 seconds. and that was that a major stroke. The cardiac doctor told us that in his 15 years of practice this had never happened before. We had 6 days of hell after that Mum couldn’t speak or swallow and paralysed.
Hope you are having as good a day as is possible
Justine XX
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My mum never made it to hospital but I keep thinking that if she had then she would have had some sort of procedure to sort her out. It’s crazy the way my mind can work because then I get excited and think well, she would have had some treatment and then been home right now with me, it’s almost like I could go back and get it done. I then remember, this is not a washing machine repair we are talking about where we realise what the problem could be so then have a go and making it work, no, this is a real person we are talking about and we don’t get to go back and try again. In my mind I can make everything right again, imagination is horrible, I’m then very sad and angry about the reality and this leads right back to disbelief again. I then look out the window and see how horrible a day it is out there and think, well that’s normal for the time of year, in fact, everything looks normal out there except it’s not as someone is missing and I can’t send a message to say how bad the weather is today and I won’t get a message to tell me that she has to go to the shops in the rain.
To comfort myself I think, well, maybe if she had gone to hospital, it wouldn’t have worked out anyway and she might have spent her last days there. I hate to think there might have been a chance. So many maybes and what ifs but doesn’t matter now does it? This is a snippet of my thoughts that pop in and out of my head. Very random.
Cheryl, I know what you mean about the decs. I often think back to this time last year when we were very excited about what we were all doing for Christmas. I see stuff with her writing on it and think, well I wonder when she wrote that and what was she thinking? I so want to be excited about upcoming Christmas again but I can’t be.
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Shaun73, I quite often think “How can I get Mum back?” “What can I do to get her back?”. Is if it’s some sort of film or alternative reality, where that can happen. Part of my brain seems to think it’s possible, as writing this has brought on tears. Perhaps, it’s denial?
I haven’t touched Christmas decorations yet. I think it’s going to be difficult, as there are many which i associate with Mum.
Shaun73, Everyday, I also have many “what if thoughts”. It’s dreadful.
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Time has not moved on. I’m still shocked. Mum’s death feels like an error. It should not have happened, but it did.
I know many of us can’t comprehend, how we lost loved ones.
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