I really understand how you two are feeling and the trouble is the bitterness eats you up because you can’t move on from it. So many unanswered questions and if only. My husband had a massive stroke, no warning., and never regained consciousness. But I was told he had pneumonia the next day, he’d had no symptoms and it was one of thecauses of death on his death certificate. Just awful when you have no answers and so hard to move on. And Sarah I have posted somewhere that I take Malcolm’s ashes up and downstairs every day and keep them on the empty part of the bed. It just feels right doesn’t it, though previously I would’ve thought that so macabre! I talk to him too and kiss the top of his willow casket goodnight, with a wedding photo on top. How’s that for strange?But it gives me great comfort and we need to do whatever it takes to feel that way. Take care of yourselves x
Thank you X
My goodness, it is awful isn’t it and your story sounds so similar to mine. You feel cheated because you will never know the full truth. To die so suddenly having had no symptoms you feel like there must have been something underlying and to be refused the opportunity to have answers just feels so wrong.
I do exactly the same as you, kissing his casket goodnight.
It is comforting! Because it took a month for the doctor to fill out his paperwork it was 5 weeks before I could bring him home ( he had been working away in Kent when he died)
so when he was eventually brought back I couldn’t see him sadly but went to sit with him several times before the funeral
and i used to get almost excited about going to spend time with him and similarly excited to bring him home.
It gives us something of them and no one would really understand who hasn’t experienced something similar I guess. The first night I brought him home he spent the evening in his favourite place on the sofa!
I also have a little obsession with his dressing gown and other things which still have a slight scent remaining!
Again, thank you and sending hugs x
This is my first post I joined this week. it is hard I lost my husband on the 30 th May and I still make him a cup of tea some times.we had been together 53 and every where I look he is looking at me . I talk to him ask him what he would do.I wear one of his tee shirts for bed , but we did talk about it when he was alive and I promised him I wouldn’t get low and cry all the time. I play songs we liked and make myself eat that I find hard it sticks in my throat. But it is early days and what these good kind people write I find helps. Memories will keep you going your not alone now, we will all pull together God bless stay safe.
It’s so hard isn’t it Sarah, for some reasonI’ve been feeling really sick today, after two reasonably good days without breaking down. I’ve left Malcolm’s dressing gown hanging over the banister from the last time he had a shower, also a pile of his washed socks at the top of the stairs ,had just taken them off the radiator the morning he had his stroke.Can’t bear to move anything!! One day we might be able to but can’t somehow imagine it, we just want them close, whatever bit of them we can have. Sending lovex
Hello Florence, what horrible circumstances for us al to be meeting under. So sad for you, it’s very recent , you may still be in shock a bit. Malcolm died 10 weeks ago today and I think it’s only in the last couple of weeks thatI’ve completely come to terms with it…We were married 49 years, a lifetime really.But how lucky we’ve been to have had all those happy years together.That’s how we should think about it and I try but it takes a lot of doing doesn’t it, it’s like a sort of test and I’m sur we’ll succeed. With lovex
Hi Florence. Thank you for those kind words. I just live each day. It’s a continuous nightmare. Every day I just wait for it to go dark. Then bed. I then awake and repeat. No one to talk to. Life is horrible. Turned in less than 3 days. I will never get over my girl being stolen unnecessary way. How they could ever class it as menapause I will never know.
Oh Florance
It is so so hard and still so recent for you. Hopefully being here with people with similar experiences will help you and give you comfort. If we can all look after each other it should help.
I lost my husband at the end of March and it has taken until now to admit to myself that i need help and support so I came here yesterday for the first time, already there is comfort in shared experiences and you feel less alone.
Sending love and hugs. xx
Bless you!
You really won’t feel like up to moving or changing anything for a long time yet. It feels disrespectful to them and having their things as they were in our minds just shows that we still expect them to come back, don’t ever rush or force yourself to move anything or make any changes, just learn to live with what has happened first and it takes time. David’s work suitcase is on the floor in the bedroom, I can’t bring myself to unpack it. Just take your time and look after yourself on an hour by hour basis, don’t expect too much from yourself.
Here if you need a friend! xxxx
Think that’s the trouble Sarah ,we maybe expect too much of ourselves and have people telling us
we’re strong when we don’t feel like that at all and only really break down when we are alone. This site has helped me so much, I hope it will do the same for you. Just letting it all out helps and there are so many lovely caring people on here. The support is So comforting and you know that others understand how you are feeling, some have moved on a little further and that’s reassuring too. It gives us hope and we are all supporting each other. Virtual hugsx
53 years is a very long time … you must carry on doing what is right for you.
I have to have my husbands dressing gown next to me when I go to bed !!! I haven’t told anyone that until now.
It’s’ just so good to know we are not alone in our complete desolation xx
I lost my brother to cancer when he was only 44 years old and then both of my parents too but losing my husband has just devastated me. Keep strong xx
It’s so comforting to have a little bit of them with you. I sleep with my arms around Malc’s sweater. After a while it didn’t have his smell which was so upsetting but then I sprayed just a little squirt of his body spray on it, not quite the same but definitely him! Magnet, I thought my world had fallen in when I lost my parents but it’s true losing the love of your life is grief on a whole different level, it breaks you. And the only one who could help you through it, like previous losses , isn’t there. We’re on our own now and must deal with it as best we can and in whatever way we need. .Wishing some kind of peace to everyone x
Your words are so comforting . I said in an earlier post that I thought I was going mad. It’s just total grief isn’t it and we all have to try and work through what is happening to us .
Jonathon123 said “ be kind to yourself”, I think that is good advice but in my experience each day brings a new problem or legal matter to deal with. When you are completely on your own it is just overwhelming.
Sorry I’m whinging xx
No that isn’t whinging that’s just a normal reaction to a terrible situation that we never wanted to find ourselves in. Little things set me off sobbing, it’s the official stuff isn’t it and all the dreadful paper work that we don’t know how to deal with. How I wish Malc was here, he was so competent and always looked after me, feels like he was my anchor and now I’m just floundering about helplessly. Well, another day nearly got through, one day our tomorrows will be better. Will think of you tonight when I go to bed and tell him I love him and kiss his casket.We aren’t alone, love’s all around us. x
God bless xx
1 of the ways I get through the night is to have a pile of coats on hubby’s side of the bed and the top one has a warm lining so when I wake in the night which I used to, to check on him, I see a shape and being half asleep it fools me into thinking he is there and as my husband was always warm at night the warm lining is a comfort when I feel cold and need to give him a warm hug . This way it is not so lonely at night. hope this helps
That’s so sweet Popsie, I hope the coats help. We do anything we can to find comfort and if it works then that’s great. Sending love and hugs. xx
Hi. I have her pillows and downstairs a top. Unfortunately they don’t smell of her just albas oil. But that’s better than nothing. I have her clothes from hospital but that’s sad emotions linked. I would do anything to have her back💔
I read these posts and feel so sad for us all, desperately wanting our soulmates back. The price we pay for loving and being loved so deeply. Hard to feel grateful and lucky but I guess we really are. Have found some lovely quotes in a book a friend sent me.”The only way out is through” “Tears are the shuddering of the body at the pain of the soul” Grief builds in the soul like steam in a boiler and the pressure of grief that is not expressed can break your heart”and, last one, that I think sums it all up “When the sun rose the next morning …wondered how the world could go on spinning when her world had completely stopped”Hope that resonates and sharing can bring some comfort. Sending love x
You are certainly not whinging, It’s so so hard trying to deal with the dreadful legal matters whilst going through such pain. It just seems so awful.
xx