Multiple loss

Good morning All. I’m new here and just thought I’d share my story for 2 reasons. A) in the hope that it is somehow cathartic and B) that it may, in some way help others.
Sorry if it’s a bit longwinded,
In September 21 I lost my Mom. I had looked after her for 9 years after my Dad died. Then in October I lost an Aunt (we are a very close family). The following March (22) I lost another Aunt. The in April, My cousin died suddenly and unexpectedly. That was on Tuesday, The next week, on Thursday, I lost my younger brother, again suddenly and unexpectedly. On the monday following, My Partner of 27 years and I took a motorcycle ride to see my brothers wife. We didn’t get there as she died suddenly on the back of the bike. In May I lost another Aunt and in August I lost another Cousin.
The pain and trauma was undescribable. Now. 2 years since in all started, I have finally relented to counselling. Anyone who believes there is a timescale to grief is sadly mistaken, I have tried everything in my power to come to terms with these events and nothing has worked. Counselling was a final option. But guess what. It really does help. It helps to understand why I feel the way I do. My counsellor is brilliant. Asks all the right questions and explains things in a way that I can relate to,
I’m not going to say it’s for everyone. But then I never thought it would be for me. As they say, needs must when the devil drives.
The pain hasn’t gone. I still cry daily. But I am gaining a certain understanding and acceptance.
My heart goes out to all of you who have experinced loss.
May the gods be with you.


Hi @Dave28,

I’m so sorry for the losses you have experienced. Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure your words will bring comfort to others.

Take good care,

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New here so hope I’m doing this right.

I am so sorry for your many losses and really hope the counselling helps. It’s got me to thinking whether it may help me. I can relate sadly.

I’ve lost both parents now, dad passed away aged 95 2 years ago, and was the last remaining local family member who I saw most weeks and used to help / care for.
I’ve lost all my family members now apart from cousins who some I haven’t seen for decades and a handful who I haven’t seen since the year my mum died ( 2009 ) They all live miles away.
I experienced several losses in a couple of years including my dad, the last of my aunts and uncles, and 2 friends.
I’m an only adult child so no nieces or nephews, and do have a daughter but she’s not in my life atm, following a divorce. This has broken me.
I had been with her dad for 21 years and married for 13 years. I left the marital home and had my daughter living with me at first. She moved in with her dad as I was struggling and has stayed there so I’m now an empty nester very early on.
I had counselling following my divorce but tbh found there was so much to discuss / I was trying to cover too many different things, that it didn’t really help. I’ve also had it for my mental health but a good while ago now.
We are dealing with " Accumulative Grief " - I did some internet research. When loss comes after loss, in a row, you don’t have time to process each loss.
Thankyou for your post. I’ve not been here long but it is helping.

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Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
My counselling has come to an end now. It has helped in lots of ways. I’ve always struggled to discuss my feelings and this helped me to open up. It also helped me to understand why I still feel the way I do. The grief and sadness are still there and I suspect always will be. But I feel calmer and a little more accepting.
I hope you find your own peace and learn to move on with life.

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Hello, it’s horrible trying to deal with multiple loss, in 2005 my mum died suddenly from an unexpected stroke, three years later my best friend died from complications of diabetes, in 2010 both my auntie and uncle died within a month of each other, in 2012 my sister died, in 2014 my dad died then in 2019 my cousin passed away.

Amongst all that i have been diagnosed with anaemia, and am T1 diabetic, i have since been forced to leave my family home and move into a bungalow (both council) it was for the best as my mental health had suffered so much but i kept getting complaint from neighbour that i wasnt looking after the garden (i had basically stopped careing about anything)

I now believe that all the grief is all tied up together and i had been unable to process one death before the next hit me.

I had counselling but there was far too much to unpick in the 6 sessions i was given, they described it as though my brain was a filing cabinet so full of grief nothing else could fit in.



It is truly awful. I’m so sorry to hear all that.

You’re right in that we need time to process grief. Each bereavement is different as the person meant something different to us.

I don’t think anything can truly fill the gaps left, it doesn’t matter how busy you make yourself. I’m also a few months out of a relationship which lasted 5 years and we’re still close, I’ve become very depressed since - he was my only visitor lol! However I do tend to isolate myself and not help myself. A vicious circle!
I’m hoping to start a new job soon ( agency work so I get more flexibility ) which I’m hoping will give me that " push " I need! A new happier environment.
I completely understand about the garden. I maintain mine myself and it’s a bit too much tbh but on the other hand, it really does help my mental health, I find I’m quite good at it ( got my dads green fingers lol ) and it’s lovely to see when all the hard work comes to fruition, and the buds come out, but yes they need maintaining!

All I can say is - be kind to yourself, allow yourself time for each bereavement - it will take time. I’m " talking " to alot of those I’ve lost atm - it’s strange how certain smells, sounds etc instantly make me think of them.

They do remain in our hearts.

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