Mum diagnosed with terminal cancer

Hi on 20th Jan my lovely mum was diagnosed with secondary adenocarcinoma of the lung with an unknown primary source, this diagnosis came following a short illness and was a complete shock to us all.
Since then she has deteriorated so much, she’s breathless all the time , been In hospital with dehydration due to constant gagging and vomiting.
She’s unable to walk far and gets so tired so quickly,
She used to babysit my 3 children every week byt can no longer.
I miss her so much already, I miss having lunch with her every week in town, I miss her having my kids, I miss her being involved in their everyday lives of course we visit but it’s not the same
I miss speaking to her on the phone because she gets too breathless,
I visit her and dad a couple of times a week.
But she is already half the person she was 2 months ago and our journey has hardly even began,
It would be nice to hear from other people who may be going through the same or further along in this horrible journey then us.
Many thanks

Hi Helen , so sorry to read this ,I was told a week ago that my mum was now in pallative end of life care, like you & your family I feel in utter turmoil , my mum though isn’t suffering from cancer , she has had ms all her life and many complications now as she’s been in hospital for the past month , due to her illness she wasn’t able to help me with my children’s upbringing and I never had the chance to pop out with her for a day due to her circumstances , if only she hadn’t got this dreadful disease which has robbed me of every girls memories of her up bringing. I hope that you can try like me to look back at the happy memories and fun times you have had , my dad passed away 7 yrs ago and I feel as though I’m watching him all over again except with my mum , I was at my wits end the other night at 12.30am until I logged on here and realising I’m not alone , stay strong and we can get thru this awful time in our lives x

Thank you for your reply,
I’m so sorry to hear about not only your mum but also your dad, I hope you have people around you to support you!

Like you, the middle of the night is the hardest, I wake up and feel utter panic that she may not be with us for long, I’m 34 and am so close to her, my children are so young it breaks my heart that that they probably won’t remember their lovely grandma who has done so much for them,
We are taking each day as it comes and enjoying the little things.
I have a brother and sister so we are supporting each other.
But I feel Like I have to be strong for them, for my dad, for my kids so I think this site may help support me as I’m not much of a talker and bottle things up.
I wish for your mum that she is comfortable and pain free and she and you spend quality time together xxxxx
Thanks again for reply. It helps knowing you are not alone!

You take care of yourself and remember we all need to lean on others for support , I’m trying to be strong but have my meltdowns with friends rather than family as I know they are hurting, sometimes you need others to know that your in need of some support. Hope your mum has comfort in knowing how much she’s been a massive part of all your lives xx

Hi Hels and Lou,

How are you both doing this week?

Lou, in your other posts you said that they were planning to move your mum to a nursing home, so I was wondering if they have managed to do so? I hope it is a nicer place for her to be than the hospital.

Thinking of you both.

Hello, sorry for the illnesses your mums are going through… but please be strong for them. Outside they may appear to be be weak and losing their strength as they struggle with the particular illness that has engulfed them, but inside they are still the same and need to see smiling faces around them with positive thoughts. I have a terminal illness and it is so important that everyone else around me is happy and normal…even though they may not feel it. So be strong for your mums.


Thanks for replies and sorry to hear about your battle with your own illness romfty. I am def trying to be the same around
Mum X we still enjoy a joke

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I quite agree keep strong, for yourself and your family, they cannot find my primary cancer, but I have to keep strong. I keep thinking I may be one of tge very rare ones where the primary has died, you never know. Be strong and keep positive…

Hi Lou, again yes we are all human, and I have had a few meltdowns, but not yet in front of the family, I am sure it will come at some stage, it is good to chat to you all…keep strong my friends x

Hi there my mum has been diagnosed with lung cancer this week it’s small cell and it’s in her lymph nodes I’m devastated and just don’t know what to expect the only symptom she’s shown is a cough . I’ve had every emotion so far ,tears , anger, but now I’m just numb . Mum has refused chemo as she feels it she wants to enjoy what time she has left

Hi Jayne
I am so sorry to hear about your mom, I too have secondaries in my lungs, liver, lymph nodes and a tumour on my bottom. I can understand your mom not wanting chemo, that is her choice, I dont want a bladder biopsy…forgot that as well…lol…but they wont treat my bottom if I dont have the op…blackmail…lol. You give your mom a big hug from me tell her we will all have a reunion in a years time and we will say "Here we are still here and fighting…Keep positive…love to you and your family xxxxx

Jayne I’m so sorry,
I know exactly how you feel, it’s everyone’s worst nightmare we are 6 weeks in and like your mum, my mum only had a cough her cancer is non small cell cancer.
She is in hospital at the mo with fluid on her lungs, blood clots on both lungs and ? An infection or the beginning of cancer in her left lung.
She has also currently refused chemo as she is too sick,
We are waiting to get her into an amazing hospice next week for symptom control.
If I can offer one bit of advice Jayne, contact Macmillan they have been amazing and get to know your community Macmillan nurses as they have been lovely!
I wish you and your mum well, on this horrendous journey xx

McMillan nurse has been out today amazing lady . Just don’t know what to expect , mum is 91 and I know people will say well she’s had a good life yes she has but we don’t want her to have any pain . Thinking of you and your mum thanks for your message sending hugs xxx

So sorry sweetheart stay strong sending hugs and love xxx

Hi Jayne,

I just wanted to check in and see how you and your mum are doing this week?

It’s understandable that you are devastated - no matter how old your mum is, it is still incredibly hard for you to think about losing her.

It’s good to hear that the Macmillan nurse is so good. She should be able to advise on pain control and managing any other symptoms.

Hi priscilla mum has had appointment today and refused treatment which we all think is the best given her prognosis . We just don’t know what to expect as like I said no symptoms apart from a cough and apart from the obvious she seems really well . We will take one day at a time and give her all the love and support she needs xxx

Hi Jayne,

It sounds as though your mum has chosen the right approach for her and it is good that she is feeling well. I hope that you get to enjoy some quality time together.

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Hi just joined this site for some support, it’s horrific that any of us need to go through this with our loved ones. My dad was diagnosed with grade 4 brain tumour in 2013, a month before my wedding. He made it to the wedding a month after brain surgery and even danced with me. He walked everyday to his radio and was doing so well. He then had break from treatment and scans showed no sign of growth. Up until recently when he had a lot of falls, multiple fractures in his back and speech and cognitive abilities deteriorated. He is now in a special bed, wheelchair and mam is his carer, they are only 56/57 and I’m heart broken that he’s been told he has months, I live in the uk and they are in ireland so it’s even worse I can’t see him whenever I can

Just came on here for support xx

Hi Louisef
I’m so sorry to hear this your parents are still so young,
It’s absolutely heart breaking all this and does make you question why us?
My sister is in a similar situation to you we live in Sussex and she is in Devon so unless she takes lots of time off its hard for her to be here with mum
All the time,
I live 20 mins away but as I have 3 young children I can’t be there 24/7 either
Nothing about this is easy.
I put my mum to bed tonight, she is deteriorating rapidly,
She now is on oxygen 24 hrs a day on high doses of Morphine etc so is confused and sleepy.
I came on here because in an odd way it’s a sort of comfort knowing you are not alone in how you feel and other families are going through the exact same thing.
I wish you and your family especially your dad well xx

Hi - my brother has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and had a frontal operation. He has a lump in the back of the head which will be cleared with chemo or radiotherapy. He has lymph node lump and so I get frightened. I cannot deal with it. While he was in hospital I visited everyday, along with the rest of the family, but he came out of hospital Saturday and I promised to visit him at home Monday, so giving the partner time to settle down again in this new environment. I have not been. I keep putting it off and saying to myself I will go tomorrow. It is now Thursday and I did not go. I am writing this to say I said to myself I will go tomorrow. Your mum and my brother seem to have the same organ and you said you visit. I am so scared I am ashamed to say anything to anyone.