Dear Lucy, and all.
Just sending a hug. This storm we are all going through is bound to be full of ups and downs. You are fully entitled to feel miserable.
Your mum will give you strength though as she is still safely tucked in your heart.
Love to you all.
Ann xx
Hi Lucy
Firstly, you are not alone you have us. That’s why I too am on here. I felt like this last week and we are going to have times when it gets so hard we feel we have nowhere to turn but you know you can come here and get it off your chest.
If you can, try and put a bit of distance between you and your dad at least until you are able to deal with him.
Many people have told me after the funeral, support drops off and people expect you to be back to normal. This realisation hit me hard with my return to work last week. Colleagues telling me how well I looked. (They can’t see what is happening internally). Then telling me all their moans and groans which when you have just lost your parent seems so unfair. People can be so selfish.
I generally feel withdrawn from people now and I think it’s to protect myself and my emotions. I am careful who I have around me. I have a couple of close friends who have really been supportive and I can talk to but everyone else including work colleagues I keep at arm’s length (at least until I am stronger).
Sending you and everyone a big hug xxx
Thanks Lyn and glad you got through your first week. You did well going in every day. I varied mine as I live an hour away from the office but can work from home but I did 4 half days and then my second week I did 3 full days. Don’t think I’d have coped with everyday! Well done and I really hope your second week is a little easier.
I think you’re allowed a wobble after hearing such sad news this week. Wine has helped me too and I did a toast to all our parents on Friday night!
x
I feel similar Lyn. One minute I’m fine with people, the next I could strangle them! I think your right about support dropping off after the funeral. I found the first week very difficult afterwards as I had hardly anyone contact me to see if I was ok. It was like now that’s done and dusted just move on!!
Yes that’s what’s nice knowing I can come on here and know I’ll just get that little bit of support I need and hopefully I can provide support back to everyone too. It’s like a rollercoaster isn’t it - up and down constantly with emotions. Yesterday was a really hard day for me especially after the argument - I literally couldn’t cope afterwards and just felt like I had no one and spent a lot of the night crying.
I’ve got someone I know (they’re not actually a friend) but they’re now telling me all about there mum’s illness - kidney failure (our favourite subject) and I’m just finding it a little insensitive on the day I collect her ashes. I know that’s selfish on my part but I can’t help the way I feel.
Sorry I’m going into complete selfish horrible mode now! Probably because I’m getting annoyed about going to work tomorrow.
A little ray of sunshine I’ll be tomorrow morning!!! x
Thanks Ann, that’s lovely of you.
How have you got on over the weekend? Is your mum still home? Hoping that you’re as ok as you can be, it’s a really horrible time and to face loosing your second parent must be so tough.
Thinking of you, x
Thanks Caroline and for your lovely words. I am so pleased we are all on here, I wish we all weren’t but I think we are very fortunate as so many of the other posts seem t only last a couple of weeks yet we seemed to have formed a strong bond. Amazing really!
x
God Lucy we have come so far since the day that forever changed our lives!!
It’s all so surreal isn’t it?
I never dreamt I would be living through this let alone on a bereavement site and chatting to others in the same position!
It will be 2 months on Tuesday and in some ways it feels so much longer than that but in a heartbeat it can suddenly seem like only yesterday.
Time has no meaning to me anymore it all seems to merge into nothingness. It’s so strange and still all so unreal.
I did a toast as well on Friday! I over did it though with the wine so think I toasted the whole world too lol!
Dreading tomorrow but it has to be easier than last week so will just get on with it as we have no choice
xxx
Hi Marigold,
I never thought I’d say this but it’s so nice to have mum home. It was always lovely to have her here but I never thought I’d cope as you know, but she’s on my fireplace still. Little disturbed she’s only in a cardboard box! I can’t get over how heavy she is. I never thought ashes would be so heavy.
It’s strange how we all cope differently with things as I know some friends would be thinking - you’ve got your mum in the lounge!!! But I’m happy with her here. I still think I need to lay her to rest in time as she asked for a private committal - so I feel her wish was to be somewhere and complete - but she did also say wherever I want! I’ve also got my last cat on the mantelpiece! We used to laugh about it as I said to mum I don’t think I could have her in here but she said I’d happily have the cat but not her!!!
If you’re mum understood the times you lost your temper and you made up - then you’ve nothing to feel guilty about. I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to feel any guilt afterwards. I’m sure our mums probably felt the same about their mums - well I know mine did at times but isn’t that all part of life really? Sounds like you also did her proud so try and think of all of the things you did do - lots of people don’t care about their parents - we all did so we should be proud and put the grumbles and spats out of our heads - although easier said than done I know!
x
Hi Lucy,
I am sorry to hear you had the trauma of witnessing an accident on what was always going to be a very stressful day for you. Well done for getting through it. Try not to worry about the disagreement with your dad; tempers are bound to be frayed at the moment.
Jane
X
This could become a forum not just for sad grieving cat people, but animal lovers, AA, the I hate people club and the I’m sick of work club!!!
Yes it will be your two month anniversary. I’m supposed to be doing a team day on my two month anniversary but I’m going to have to say I’'ll do my bit in the afternoon as I won’t be concentrating in the morning at the time she passed.
It’s all so sad but we’ve got a nice group here and won’t it be wonderful when we all reach stages and hurdles together.
Good luck tomorrow at work - I’ve just got to keep my mouth zipped to get through the day!! x
Thanks Jane, yesterday evening was horrible and it’s been a rough few days but I’m through it!! Hope you’re doing ok too, x
Thank you x
Hi Lucy,
Yes, we have and I feel we share so much common ground - your original post started this thread and now it feels very special to a number of us.
The thing that brings us together is not good but the amazing support the shared journeys give is priceless. I have gained so much comfort from the posts and support on here - not sure how I would feel without it.
I will be for ever grateful for all of your support and love - just amazing!
Keep it up!
Lots of love,
Caroline xxx
Thanks Ann and I did raise a glass to my mum, all our parents and to all of us! Think we deserve it! x
Thanks Ann and I did raise a glass to my mum, all our parents and to all of us! Think we deserve it! x
I’d be up for this by the way! x
Thank you Lucy.
It still feels aqward talking here when I still have my mum but really I have lost so much of her already and know I will be feeling the same emotions as you all do soon about her, just like I already feel them for my dad. Can’t believe I am writing sentences like this! This time last year life was full of mini breaks and nice things…
The weekend was difficult. Following battling the paramedics and doctors to not let her go to hospital she was very weak after the coffee morning. Then yesterday we had to get the paramedics again as the district nurse changed her dressings on her legs and blood started spurting out. Somehow, she is still at home but I’m starting to feel panic attacks brewing as I’m so stressed out.
I can’t join the AA part of this group as I am always on standby with my car keys but sure I will be downing too much soon. Once this chapter is over though I plan to get a kitten so can join the cat lover, sad, grieving, grumpy, roller coaster rider brigade.
Good luck with Monday morning everyone. You got through last week so you can get through another. Buckle up, hold on tight and arms in ladies, it may be a bumpy ride.
Ann x
Hi Ann,
Please never feel awkward talking on this group as we are all with you and understand. What ever you want to say feel free to do so and we will try to help and support you in any way that we can.
I know how what you mean about the AA aspect - always sober ready to drive; that was me! I should not promote the AA recovery route but it can help !
I know it is stressful with your Mum’s needs but please try to spend some quality time with her when you can. You will gain great comfort from this - I did.
Getting a kitten is a great plan. I don’t know if you have picked up that I am the mad dog lady with 10 dogs but I adore cats too. The love and care you can transfer to animals is a great healer.
I hope your week is ok but please remember this group of people is here for you whenever you need us.
Hugs,
Caroline xxx
Ann
What an amazing achievement for you and your mum to have done the charity coffee morning. I am not surprised you were hiding behind a door. If I had been there, I would have been hiding with you.
I can only imagine the stress and worry you are experiencing. As well as looking after your mum, take as much care of you as you possibly can and say yes to any practical support anyone can offer to you.
Jane
X
Thank you Jane and thank you Caroline.
I couldn’t pay for the support I am already getting here, priceless!
It is like having a grief cheer leading squad right behind you when you need it and long may it continue.
Xx