Hi Caroline
Thinking of you and your mum today. It is still such early days for you. I guess for you too it feels like it happened yesterday while at the same time feeling like it has been a long time. As you say, it is so hard to accept.
You are doing so well and your mum would be so proud of you.
Xx
Hi Caroline,
Hope you’ve been as ok as you can today, a tough day and milestone for you. I agree with Jane you’ve clearly done so very well considering and are giving some of us newbies some strength and guidance. Just wish none of us were on here.
Let us know how you are.
Xx
Hi everyone,
Sorry for the tardy reply but I just have been a bit zoned out all day. I think I slept poorly so just felt exhausted all over again.
Thank you all so very much for the messages and support - you are an amazing bunch of lovely people. It is sad that bereavement is what has brought us into each other’s lives but at least it has.
I find that keeping busy or having company is the key for me now. My husband was on nights last night which is why I got into a bit of a state - if he had been home we would have talked it through. Unfortunately when he is at work he cannot always talk - he is a police officer - so I try not to bother him too much.
He has been home with me today so I have been calm. I have some bits of mum’s furniture in our lounge and her favourite travel rug, which brought me some comfort today. Her bureau sits in one corner and it reminds me of her - I grew up with that piece of furniture so it has many memories for me. It should be in mum’s house though so it is bitter sweet.
Your messages brought me huge comfort - to know someone somewhere is listening and, unfortunately, understands where I am. I know Mum would be proud of me and upset that she causes me such sadness at times too. Again, that rollercoaster aspect of life comes to the fore.
Luckily I have half term now and can rest a bit. I hope all of you are doing ok and that the coming week is kind to you all.
Love and hugs and huge thanks (again)
Caroline xxx
Good to hear from you Caroline & well done on getting through the day. It’s bound to be a tough time and you’ve got through it. I’m sure everyone on here is proud of you.
A friend of mine told me about something she had seen and is going to do with some of her mums clothes which is to make some cushions from the items which I thought was a really good idea. Just thinking of what you said about your mums items so just thought I’d share incase anyone else likes the idea.
Try and rest up. I’m akready agitated about work tomorrow and it’s the 2 month milestone too so I won’t be concentrating fully just got to get through it like you have today.
Xx
Hi Marigold
Will be thinking of you tomorrow and your lovely mum Dorothy as the first anniversary approaches. A day which there are no words to express or comprehend what you are going through.
As well as the heartache you naturally will be feeling, I hope your special memories of your mum’s life bring you some comfort and help you get through the day.
Sending you a big hug and lot’s of love
Lyn
xxxxx
Dear Lyn
It is so good of you to think of me. I am sitting here reliving those last few harrowing hours. She was such a good person.
Thank you again for your hugs and love - much needed tonight.
Love
Marigold
XXX
Hi Marigold,
Been thinking of you too.
Your mum sounds a wonderful person and that is what we have to take with us through the grief journey.
Sending much love and loads of hugs.
Caroline xxx
Hi Marigold
Thinking of you today. Hope you are able to think of some good memories of your mum amid the sadness of the date.
Xx
Hi Marigold.
Just a quick message to send you some love today.
Xx
Hope you’ve got through the day on Marigold. I can’t imagine being a year on. Hugs xx
Hi Caroline
Just a quick thank you for your message. It really has helped to get this encouragement from somebody who knows what you’re going through. One year is a dreadful landmark but really this day without her has been no worse that any other day without her.
Love and hugs
Marigold
XXX
Ok not on . X
Hi there
Thanks for this - it means a lot to know “the gang” are thinking of me. Last night as I relived my vigil of a year ago was rough but I am more at peace now.
Love
Marigold
XXX
Love - and kisses - gratefully received! I can’t help thinking how happy it would make my mum to know I had such a great bunch of people looking out for me.
Marigold
XXX
Hi Lucy
Thanks for thinking of me. All the messages really have helped. Without our mums we need all the hugs and kisses we can get.
Lots of love
Marigold
XXX
Hi Marigold,
I agree that it is so helpful having a range of experiences and timescales on this thread as we can all offer support in a]one way or another.
I am 6 months behind you but I can see what you mean about the year anniversary just being another day of missing our loved ones. I have already thought ahead and realised that I will be on holiday when mum’s anniversary happens. I think this may be a good thing for me but we will see.
Take care,
Caroline xxx
Evening all,
How are we all doing?
I have been on half term this week so been quite lazy watching lots of the winter Olympic coverage. Amazing what some people can do on snow and ice - I would just fall over!
My brother texted me today to say that the house sale should go through soon - he is buying me out of mum’s house. This will mean we can settle all the final bits for mum’s estate and complete our executor duties. I am so looking forward to drawing a line under this part of Mum\’s passing but it has been something we had to do for her. It is a distressing process as Mum lived there since the house was built in 1958 and there’s so many memories wrapped up in it. My brother having it eases the loss though as I won’t have to sell it to ‘strangers’.
It is strange how our memories come and go when we lose someone. I have been thinking about the family hime this week and found so many happy memories in my head which was positive. I also feel great comfort in sharing my memories with my husband and close friends who knew her - I suppose that is how we keep them with us.
The nights are drawing out and I can see hints that spring may come soon - some beautiful snowdrops. I cannot wait for longer days and a bit of sunshine on my face. I still wish Mum was here to share this rebirth once again but I was lucky to have 54 years with her.
I hope you are all coping ok, or as best you can. I am ok most of the time but things still set me off!
Have a great weekend and let’s hope for some nice weather.
Caroline xxxx
Hi everyone
It’s my dad’s birthday tomorrow so feeling sad. Can’t believe it’s been the first Christmas, first new year and now birthday all within 10 weeks of him leaving me.
To mark the day and celebrate it I have had a beautiful bench and memorial plaque engraved and surrounded it by pots of daffodils. Just need the sun to be out so I can sit and have a cuppa and chat with him. It’s all so difficult to comprehend and in addition had a formal letter revoking the POA I had in place for both mum and dad from my mother saying I now have no access to finances or property and it has all been handed over to my brother. Thanks mum!
They will be going to where they have dad’s ashes scattered while I am excluded and left to cope alone.
It hurt me immensely that they care so little for me but I have my memories of me and dad so will treasure those tomorrow.
Hope everyone is ok and coping
xxx
My dear Lyn,
Gosh, so much has happened in just 10 weeks and it is so hard to cope with. You are doing so wonderfully well and I admire you so much.
I love the sound of the bench and daffodils - where are you placing the bench? It will be a lovely place to sit and chat with your dad. You need to think of this place as your equivalent of where his ashes are scattered and make it the special place for you both. At the end of the day you are a spiritual person and you, like me, know that his spirit is free to go where ever he wants it to go. I would be sure that he will be sitting at your side and not where your Mum and brother are going.
Remember what you believe in and I hope that you will find it of comfort. They are no longer on this mortal Earth but they live on in us and our precious memories. You have said before how your dad would not be happy with what your mum and brother have done so I can bet where he will choose to be tomorrow!
I just cannot imagine having to deal with the family hassle along side the grief as I am not in the same situation but I do know that you can do this because you are your dad’s daughter. He loves you and always will.
Each time we reach a milestone ( I am currently dreading Mother’s Day) it brings it all back to us and sets us back a bit. But we are strong like our parents and we will survive each time. I really hope the sun shines for you tomorrow but even if it doesn’t raise a glass or cuppa to your gorgeous dad and tell him how you feel. He will listen and send you comfort.
Chin up and look after yourself too. I hope your little dog can sit with you too.
Much love and sending hugs,
Caroline xxx
Hi Caroline.
The sale of the house is a big step. I am so tied up in the home my mum and dad lived in for 47 years and the memories it holds. At the moment it is basically a care home for my mum. She is bedridden and I feel awful but I just sort of sit there watching the clock while she sleeps most of the time. I am sure when your sale goes through you will have mixed emotions but it is certainly a step forward to “life part B” and a positive one to a new start? I see my life like that, with my dad and after him. Sort of WD and AD rather than BC and AD…
Hi Lyn,
Oh my. What an awful kick in the teeth from your mum and brother. I agree with Caroline though and your bench sounds like a perfect place to enjoy memories of your dad. As the seasons change, your dad will be there in your heart as you watch daffodils change to summer flowers and onwards. I plan to mark my parents birthdays and wedding anniversary rather than the day they died/die so a cuppa and spring flowers sound perfect.
I’ve had a very hard week with half term and my mum in bed. She sleeps a lot, is confused some of the time but still eating like a horse. It is so confusing. I almost feel like I have said everything I want to say so I just don’t want to see her in pain. I’m almost numb to emotions as I’m just fire fighting and running on adrenalin every day. I know they will come back full force though soon.
Has anyone got advice about dying at home versus a hospice? The weight of that decision is weighing heavy on my very heavy shoulders 
Ann xx