I know - part of their charm and love I suppose.
My mum would be saying that I should not be sad but I am. For once I will have to disagree with her xx
Dad always said “you are like your mother” Noooooooo…I have always had my dad’s character but if it didn’t suit him at the time he would always blame my mother lol… secretly he loved it that I took after him…I loved it too xx
Caroline I believe your mum deep down would want you to feel a little bit sad because it’s natural when you love them to bits and if the situation was reversed they would feel sad so parents do tell little white lies of bravery…xx
He sounds lovely x
Very true, Lyn - brave face syndrome x
Our parents felt our love when we needed them and knowing we always needed them fulfilled their love and happiness. They left us knowing they had completed their roles. I’m off to bed now and hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us
xxxx
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Hello
Just checking how everyone is?
The clocks go forward this weekend which means more light and warmth hopefully. This winter has been the worst of my lifetime and glad to see the back of it but feel sadness too as spring finally arrives as it means another new season without dad. He loved spring seeing all the new growth in his garden and would have mowed his lawn for the first time about now but I am trying to be positive as spring is a time of rebirth and growth which brings hope.
I have had a better few days recently and trying to make them count for when the bad ones hit. My friend surprised me with tickets to see Paloma Faith at the NEC Wednesday just gone and I realised it was only the 2nd time I have been out during an evening since dad passed. Paloma was brilliant and a great show but I have to say amongst all the masses of people having fun, I just wasn’t myself, I felt totally lost and alone (even though I was surrounded by people) but at least I made the effort which is what counts and I realised too not to be so hard on myself and that I cannot help how I feel.
I am going to take a break over Easter and going to my favourite place on earth, The Lake District, it will for me be the perfect place to renew my energy and strength and be at one with nature, long walks, stunning scenery and serenity and peace.
What are you all doing over Easter?
Love
Lyn
xxx
Hi Lyn
I am glad you have had a few better days.
I know what you mean about Spring. It is a positive new start on one hand but then so hard to enjoy without our loved ones here. I am sure your dad would want you to enjoy it though as much as he did.
Enjoy the Lake District. My favourite place too and being in nature helps reconnect with the world we are still in.
I’m wobbly today. Just so scared how I will be when I finally lose my mum. It’s a bumpy road ahead and I’m scared I will manage but we are all managing to keep going somehow, even if it so so hard.
Hope everyone else is doing Ok?
Ann x
Hi Ann
It’s only natural for you to feel scared. It’s the scariest time of our lives losing a parent and even more so losing both. You are not alone and I will support you whenever you need me to.
The scariest bit is knowing we have no control over anything and feeling so helpless and vulnerable. All you can do you are already doing. Making sure you mum is comfortable and telling her you love her. We cannot prevent this happening and have no choice but to survive it. There is no fix, no comfort or no way of escaping this pain and heartache other than to experience it and go through it. There is always a light at the end of the road and we have to go towards it.
You are stronger than you think and your parents gave you that strength for when this time came. They gave us all their experience of life to prepare us for this moment and we have to take the reins and embrace the love they gave us to return it to them in the hour of need. Hang in there Ann you are doing an amazing job of being a wonderful daughter and both dad and mum are proud of you and with you in love and spirit.
Sending you a big hug
xxxx
Hi Lucy
Are you ok? Not heard from you in ages. Please let us know how you are
xx
Hi Jane and Marigold
How are you both?
xx
Hi Lyn
Glad to hear the last few days have been slightly more peaceful for you and that you are making plans for a visit to the Lake District.
I have been so sad this week, just not been managing at all. I have really struggled to get to work or concentrate when I get there. Housework is on a bit of a downward slide too. It’s like I stepped into the 4th grief stage of sadness and depression and I have lost all energy and reason for doing anything and adding work into the mix basically does not work! I do not know how to get through the next 4 days but looking forward to the Easter break.
Like your dad, my mum would be working in the garden by now. This makes me sad that her garden is here but she cannot be in it.
Xxx
Hi Jane
I totally understand how you feel. The sadness I think is the hardest to cope with because it is so consuming and overwhelming and there is no coping mechanism for it. It takes over and leaves very little energy for anything else. It’s mentally and physically draining.
Hang in there you have come this far and you will get through 4 days knowing you have time out at the end of it and then you need to take some time just for you, resting and doing what you want or need to do. Nothing else is more important than you now Jane and your mum would want you to think about yourself. Grief is hard work and we all deserve a respite from it.
Sending you a big hug
xx
Hi Ann,
I was sorry to read you’ve had a bumpy day today. I know what it’s like. If it’s any consolation to you I found that the time leading up to mum’s death was probably worse than the aftermath. When a loved one has reached the end of life stage you never quite lose hope, you keep hoping and praying that things will get better, that you’ll turn a corner and start seeing an improvement. The whole experience taught me the difference between desperation where you still cling onto hope and despair when all hope is lost. The bit beforehand for me was a gruelling exhausting emotional racking. It doesn’t get any worse. Make the most of the time with your mum - hug her and kiss her and positively pour your love into her.
Love and prayers
Marigold
X
Hi Lyn
It is really good of you to be thinking of me. Thank you for it.
I am ok but just can’t be bothered doing anything - physically or mentally. Before mum died, I would look after her, clean the house, do the garden. Now the house is a tip and I’ve decided I’ll pay somebody to do the garden for me. Brain is completely empty. Barely a coherent thought in it.
I’m glad you find peace in the countryside and have your trip to the Lake District to look forward to. In spite of everything, you couldn’t listen to the birds sing and not think there was good in the world.
Love
Marigold
X
Hi Marigold
I understand how you feel. When the reason for our motivation is no longer there we feel devoid of anything and everything is an effort. Your mum was lucky to have such a caring and devoted daughter. Please look after yourself and find a reason for you. Your mum would want you to be happy and live your life for you now as it is your time to do so.
Love
Lyn
xxx
Hi Lyn & All,
Thanks for your message Lyn, made me feel not so alive and nice to know you care. Glad you came back on here it’s tough when you hit a rough patch and we all will at times.
Well sorry for the absolute lack of contact but have been struggling after a big fall out with my Dad on Mother’s Day. Of all the days. I was already dreading it but that just made it so much worse I spent pretty much all day in tears. I’m just sick of people right now. Marigold I feel so much the same as you, the build up to losing Mum was horrendous and now I just can’t be arsed with anyone. Sick to death of the people at work bickering, arguing and back stabbing. So many false people about & now I’ve reached 3 months it’s like it’s suddenly time for people to see how I am! Well it’s nice of them but three months too flipping late is how I feel! Do I return to old normal at three months or something?!? They’re all coming out of the woodwork. Just feel bitter. I see friends mums posting on Facebook how they love their grandchildren etc and I resent it because my mum will never see that (not that it’s likeky to happen but you get my drift!), she’ll never see me get married if I do, yet other people like my auntie who has not rung me once would (well she wouldn’t actually because I wouldn’t invite her). The one person that deserves to see everything - won’t and I’m so gutted for my mum that I resent nearly everyone else.
Anyway I’ve had half a tablet so I’ll calm down shortly! I had a big canvas made of Mum and pics of me and her that we’d really gathered over the past couple of years (what must she have been thinking every time I took pictures? Yet she still smiled in them all). That makes me sad. It’s in pride of place in my living room.
Sorry everyone but I hope you’re all ok.
Bear with me xxx
Hi Lucy
Strange though it may seem your email made me smile. I love your message of good will to all men as it’s exactly how I feel most of the time. Just want to be left in peace on my own. At least I’m retired and don’t have to be nice to people when I’m inwardly snarling at them. It’s well I have my friends in this community - you’re the only ones I can be bothered with.
I was sorry to read about the fall out with your dad, especially at a time when you would expect support from him. I don’t know if things can be patched up but I hope they can.
I have been gathering all my photos of my mum too. Some days I love to look at them yet other days it’s just too sad.
Hope your medication is beginning to help. Hang in there.
Love
Marigold
XXX
Hi Lucy
Our world has changed with the loss of our wonderful parents and it changes us too. That unconditional love is no longer in our physical world anymore and only when we lose it can we see the true meaning and beauty of it. Against that beauty that surrounded us since birth and protected us, we now start to see the ugliness of people we thought cared, it’s an eye opener.
Take a step away from people and focus on you and who you are and what this changed world now means to you. I know better than most the cruelty “so called family” can inflict on you. Grief makes you reassess everything and that sometimes can be a positive thing. Put some distance between people that are affecting you and don’t let their negative energy get you down.
Your mum would not want you to go through this so don’t put yourself through it.
Take care
Hugs
xx
Marigold
We are friends and I for one would be lost without you all. We are all links in a chain that bond us together and makes us stronger. Our parents would be so happy we found each other.
Ann, Jane and Caroline are you all ok?
xx