Mum is dying

Terminal illness & end of life
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Hi Everyone

Having i-pad problems so have been a bit quiet the last few days. Have lost gmail somehow and google so have problems picking up messages and alerts. Anyone who knows how to fix would be very grateful as would save me a trip to the Apple store and ridicule from the lads there. Sure to laugh at my foolishness and charge me the earth to fix it!

Yes I would say take it as slowly as you need to clearing your Mum’s house Ann. It is a horrible job at the best of times and even worse when you are going through it in such circumstances. I am just over a year in my new house having cleared Mums and moved out. I gave up in the end and told the removal people to pack everything that remained and I would go through it at my leisure. Still doing so and don’t regret the decision. I keep a charity bag on each floor of the house and throw things in as I make a decision about them. Other things which I might have rejected a year ago I want to keep. What to do with Mum’s wedding dress though?

Lucy, I am so sorry your Dad is not being very sympathetic. People can be so horrible at times. I am still keeping my distance from my sister as when we are together it is only a matter of minutes before she comes out with something unpleasant. I cannot cope with her vitriol, there seems to have been a jealousy I wasn’t aware of before Mum passing away which has come out now.

Yes I need another treat! I am going to lunch with my new cats’ foster ‘Mum’ next week to see the cats again and chat. Am waiting on the house check but have been told I am passing with flying colours so far. Possibility of a day trip to Paris for work next month as well which would be great. Even a couple of hours wandering around would be lovely. A city I like a lot, Mum went with my Grandfather in the 1950s and I have photos of them both there. We took Mum there as a surprise for her 70th birthday and had a wonderful weekend there, gosh is 25 years ago!

Off out for a walk. Need fresh air to clear my head as feeling achy and the all pervading tiredness we are all experiencing.

Mel

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Hi Lyn

Great to hear from you. I am really glad for you that you are feeling better. You have had a rough time of it and sound as if you have some exciting times ahead of you.

A world cruise, have a wonderful time. Your Dad will be cheering you on, you will indeed be commemorating his memory.

Mel
Xx

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Hello Lynn Goodness me, what on Earth made me log onto this thread on this particular day to see your heart-warming post. I hadn’t logged in since my last reply all that time ago. For some uncanny reason I had actually remembered you this week once or twice and wondered how you’d been doing. It’s brilliant you received such fantastic professional care from the medical field and your wonderful friend that posted on your behalf. And now you have a God given gift of both a new man in your life and renewed inner tranquility to look to the future with. Look after yourself Lyn. Pleased you are so much “better”.

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Hi Lynn, yes please keep in touch. I’d love to hear how the cruise goes. You’ve made some excellent decisions in your plan for recovery. There’s no need to reply to this message as yes, I very much agree with you about limiting time spent talking about bereavement and the reasoning behind it. Things really sound as though they are going to be ok and that’s great news. All the best and look forward to speaking again in the future xx

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Thanks for the words Lyn, you’ve a heart of gold.

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Hi All

How is everyone doing?

Xx

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Hi,

I am not too bad, looking forward to a trip to Paris in a couple of weeks time. Only a day there and is partly for work but will be a bit of a jolly as well.

I went to see a family friend today who I haven’t seen for a while. Had a lovely time chatting and reminiscing about Mum and Dad which has done me a lot of good. I came home this evening feeling brighter than I had been for ages.

How are everyone else, other cat loving ladies?

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Hi All,

Thanks for asking Jayne. I’ve kept meaning to post so good to check in. How are you doing?

Sounds like you are on an up wave Mel. That’s good to hear. Paris is a good place to be off to, especially if work are paying!

I’m still plodding. I seem to get so much more emotional at “that time of the month” then settle down a bit. Guess hormones effect emotions too.

It’s such a strange rollercoaster but I’m beginning to realise I’m strapped into the carriage and have just got to go with it. I burst out crying in a meeting earlier today then just pushed my mascara back up my face and carried on. I don’t even care where I cry now. If they can’t handle it, I don’t want to work with them :slight_smile:

Our kitten is proving a distraction. She’s nuts and a handful but it certainly brings a new dimension to the house…

I started writing again in a note book I’d started when my dad died to capture memories but then never had the time to fill it in as I was looking after my mum. I’m so paranoid about forgetting things!

How are the post holiday blues going Lucy? I’ve been thinking about you.

Ann xx

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Hi All,
Sorry for the gap, I’ve not stopped again. First day I didn’t get up before 6.30am today since August 27th am done in! I am ok thanks, went to see mums friends for 4 days down south last week/weekend and straight back to work after being off again. They’re being difficult. Now got my birthday to face! Not looking forward to it. Anyway I will reply properly Tuesday as got to be up again at 6 urgh pfft! Hope you are all ok though and coping xx

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Hi hope everyone is doing ok.

Best wishes for tomorrow Lucy. Hope you find some way to mark your special day.

xx

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Hi All,

Is it your birthday tomorrow Lucy? I hope you do something nice too if it is. I’m dreading the big milestones, whatever they are but I’m sure our parents who have gone would want us to enjoy special days as much as possible. Xx

How are you doing Jayne?

Ann xx

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Hello All

I hope everyone is OK and Lucy I see you have had a birthday so hope that went off alright.

Haven’t been around much the last few days as have had a viral infection I think. Have been feeling appallingly tired and a bit low. Feeling ill always has brought out the child in me and wanting to be comforted by my parents. Not mega fussing just someone to sympathise a bit. Anyway have had to cope alone and make my own cups of tea when wanted. Have eaten an alarming number of biscuits too!

Getting frustrated waiting for my new cats to arrive. I have to have a home check first and getting hold of the person to carry this out is proving a challenge. She is very busy I hear with a plethora of cats needing to be homed. I have beds, blankets and food dishes waiting for my two when they come.

Mel

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Hi Mel

Sorry you have been under the weather. You are so right about missing that tlc only parents can do. My mum would always bring me food parcels or flowers when I felt down and my dad would give me pep talks about “chin up”. I now have to do that all myself too.

I’ve started buying flowers for myself and little treats. I feel like my mum would approve. Maybe that’s what you need too? Believe me, your cats will bring a whole new dimension when they arrive. Mine certainly has! I hope yours are more placid and less wild. Mine is a nut case!

Take care
Ann x

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Hi Everyone

Heard yesterday that I am a competition winner in a mindfulness competition!

I am sure you have seen my constant suggestions to people on here to take time for themselves, sit in the garden and relax with a cup of tea or similar. I put this as my mindfulness suggestion to others and was one of the winners. Have won a flower arranging kit from Interflora which has just arrived.

I am rubbish at flower arranging so this could be fun.

My viral infection is still lingering on so have been off work today and spent the afternoon trying to clear my spare bedroom as a lair for my cats when they come. Have three black bags of rubbish so a good job done.

I agree Ann, flowers and treats are the way to go. I feel like a big glass of wine tonight after all my efforts. A very rare treat for me as I don’ like drinking on my own.

I hope everyone is alright, not easy to be cheerful when the weather is getting solder and nights re drawing in.

Mel

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Hi All,
So sorry for delay been non stop and I’ll catch up with thecnessages the next few days as getting tonsils removed tomo! Then I’ll be off for a bit so time to catch up, sorry I’ve not seen all the messages but thanks for the birthday wishes I’ve seen on screen infront of me. Look forward to catching up post the next couple of days hope you’re all ok lots of love xx

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Hi All

How did the flower arranging go Mel and do you have a date for the cats yet? I was thinking today how good our cat has been for me recently. Something new to focus on, despite being a complete handful…

Hope things go well with your operation Lucy. I’ll be thinking of you.

Ann xx

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Hope all goes well wit your tonsils today Lucy xx

Flowers have been suitably arranged, very nice mixture of roses, irises and freesias. Something nice to look at in my kitchen. Finding a vase big enough for them all was a challenge until remembered I had brought Mum’s huge vase with me.

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Hi Lucy

Just wondered how you were doing after the op?

Ann xx

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Hi All,
I’m back! So sorry for not being on here for you all but just been mental.

Well done Mel with the competition and how was the trip to Paris? So pleased for you! Hope the infection is improving? Have the cats arrived yet?

Ahh thanks Ann,sorry for the delay but thanks for all the good luck messages. How are you? Sorry to hear you broke down in a meeting but who cares - you’re entitled to break down about your parents like that it’s human and shows how much you loved them. God I’m wroting that saying ‘loved’ and it doesn’t seem real does it, especially when you were talking about your dear Mum not so long a go. I look back at my first message on here and find it weirdly hanunting now. I can’t also believe that it’ll soon be 10 months in some ways I’ve not moved on from that day but in others I have it’s just really odd. How’s the cat now then? Still running riot?! Mines asleep on my lap bless him! My saviour!

Well loads happened here!! Sit back with a cupper and you’ll see why I’ve been non existent!! Don’t know where to start, I’ll soon be out of the hell hole!!! Resigned on my birthday! Secured a job the day before! Same industry but national organisation and we have the same thoughts on strategy stuff so that should be much better for me and I’m looking forwards to the fresh start in a few weeks time. So that perked up what was due to be a difficult birthday. It went ok on the day went for lunch with Dad and a friend but nearly had a complete meltdown at the table as there was one empty chair which I couldn’t help but think Mum should be in that. I didn’t say anything and kept it hidden but I just felt like that & found it difficult. Then had a bbq event and had some friend come which was nice but just missing something- Mum. My best friend has made it so special by doing so so much to make it as nice as possible - I was quite overwhelmed- beautiful meaningful gifts, being there, still gifts coming through from her now, buying birthday cakes to surprise me on the day with candles, sparklers etc. She’s been wonderful. It was tough.

Trip down to see mums friends was absolutely great and I’m so please I went as I could talk about her for 4 days non stop - just what I needed. One of her friends took me to this mega posh hotel for lunch and paid for it all and then bought me a little angel gift and then sent me a pandora charm bracelet for my birthday - I didn’t really know her either as Mum and her had only been back in touch for a couple of years after losing touch about 30 years ago. It’s been lovely and she’s been amazing. One of mums friends came out of her house and just couldn’t stop crying- I held it together but was lovely to see someone else so effected - not that I wish she was feeling that way but you know what I mean.

Still getting overthrew big trip!!! Still regular contact with my new family it’s just been amazing. Now heard from someone in Arizona too who’s a 4th cousin and we’ve worked out the link! I just want to go back there.

Finally my tonsils! Well OMG the pain! THE PAIN!!! To say I’ve been walking around in a drugged up stumper for a week is probably an understatement! Today is day 9 and the first day without crippling pain. Had to ring the hospital back on Thursday as couldn’t see a way of carrying on like that. It got worse days 5-8. I’ve bevome a night owl - most nights over the past 4 nights I’ve been up at 2, 3.30, 5, 7 10 and then back in bed until the afternoon. Last night I didn’t have to get up so that was a relief and the pain has dulled right down. Hospital was pretty diabolical the first day and I had the most snotty nurse on ever - I thought i don’t need this on the first night so o gave her a mouthful! Even though it was difficult! Since Mum died I will not tolerate any crap (excuse the French!) from people. She’s getting a complaint letter!
I must be feeling better I’m moaning!! The op did go well but I just have another week off now to get over the pain & try and get back in an even keel. Lost 8lbs in 8 days. That’s the only bit I’ve been mega excited about! But my taste buds have come back today and I’m so hungry!

Well I think that’s everything! Let me know how you are Mel, Ann, Jayne.
As you can see it’s been hectic to the point that since I went to see mums friends I literally hadn’t sat down for an hour to relax until today to be honest as it’s the first day I’ve been able to relax without pain. Had to nail the job stuff as had two interviews quite a way from home too and a lot of preparation do I was just head down on that.

I’m exhausted just updating you all!!! Lots of love, look forward to hearing your news xxx

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Crikey Lucy.

You have been a busy girl!

I’m really pleased you got through your birthday in one piece. It was always going to be a hard one but it sounds like your friend and your mum’s friends have been amazing. Happy belated birthday!

It is such an amazing story about your new family and so lovely to know they are keeping in touch.

Huge congratulations on your new job. That sounds like just what the doctor ordered…unlike your treatment in hospital. It sounds like a horrid time but glad to hear you are starting to come down from the pain and drugs.

Hopefully your new job will be a really positive change for you. I bet it’s been hard not being able to tell your mum all your news. Xx

My news…work is going well but that’s about it…I’ve been avoiding going to my mum and dads house but went today and tried to sort out some more cupboards. As you all know, it’s so hard :frowning:

I’m also building my birthday and Christmas up as big deals in my mind. I want to just get to January to be honest but then I remind myself that nothing will be different then. Sorry, just feeling grumpy and lonely with the world tonight.

I’m looking forward to hearing you cat/Paris news too Mel and I hope things are going well for you Jayne?

Ann xx