First phase of anniversary is almost got through. Today is the day Mum passed away with the date in two days time.
The drinks with friends were good fun, there was someone there I have known since nursery school. Over 50 years! Lots of chatting and reminiscing about events and people and not difficult at all.
I did not go to the churchyard on the way home. Just wanted to get back to my garden. I brought Mum a big bunch of flowers though which are in a vase on my dining room table. Much nicer as they would last minutes only in the heat being left in a churchyard.
Lucy, your departure must be imminent. Have a wonderful time. And everyone else, I hope you are all doing alright.
Just to say I have got through the date as well as the day now. Two days on and I am finding I am more sad now than the actual anniversary. I think the lead up to it and anticipation was worse than the event. Now it is over it feels very final and almost flat in a way. I just hope each year and anniversary will get a bit better each time.
Very hot and think that is not helping so went and brought a fan for my bedroom today. And more plants for the garden!
Hi Mel,
So sorry work got me this week but I’m pleased you have coped although feeling flat now isn’t ideal. Glad the trip went well and you enjoyed it in the end. An anniversary I suppose is like a build up and fear and then a sadness all over again as not sure about you but I relive things like what was I doing at that time. Apparently I am ‘negative’ (!!) so I will always relive the worst bits.
Glad you’re enjoying the garden though. The heat has been awful and trying to sleep a nightmare!!!
Great you’ve joined a gin club - I can’t stand the stuff so wish I did like it!!!
Have you got the thunderstorms yet? They’ve literally just started here - the winds got up and everything! Thinking of you xxx
Hi Ann, Jayne, Mel!
Well this entire week has been awful at work. I want and need out- blame culture, backstabbing, lying. Culminating in a showdown today! Absolutely had it. The most disgusting people I’ve had the misfortune of working with. So I know what needs to be done so I’ll geg things moving.
On a happier note, I leave Monday! Can’t believe it’s finally here! I cannot wait but also fearing a little bit of how emotional it may be. I’m sure it will be ok but there’s that sadness that Mum can’t make it. The biggest trip ever and one she should be on. I know she’ll be with me still but it’s still tough.
Anyway I’ll drip you a message if I can log on out there.
In the meantime I hope you have a peaceful couple of weeks if I can’t log on and keep supporting each other! I’ll be thinking of you all whilst away. Xxx
You have a wonderful time, very excited for you. Stuff all those types at work, they sound like they need their heads banged together.
Thunder and lightening today and tonight. Beautiful views of the forked and jagged lightening but sadly none of the lunar eclipse that was scheduled. Lots more rain to come this weekend I believe so all my new plants are in with a fighting chance of survival.
Hope everyone else is well and not sweltering too much in the humidity.
Yes Jayne, my little boy is keeping me busy. Just been away for a week to the South Coast and as I haven’t been away for a year as I was caring for my mum, I’m out of practice and now need a holiday to recover…I’m litterally worn out.
Glad you had an ok time away Mel. It’s done now and hopefully every milestone will get slightly easier with time. Today it is 2 months since my mum died. I’ve spent a lot of the holiday randomly breaking out in tears as I kept thinking, oh I’ll just call my mum to tell her what we have been doing then it hit me again. I guess at least the milestone of my first holiday is done.
I’m really excited for you Lucy. Your mum has left wonderful people behind for you so that is such a special gift. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it and yes, your mum will be with you I am sure! Good luck with the break out from work when you get back. The people you surround yourself with are even more important than ever now so good riddence to selfish ar*es is what I say.
I know this is stating the obvious but I miss my mum and dad so much. Nothing to add to that, but you all know what I mean.
Just a quick message to say hope you have a really enjoyable trip Lucy. I am sure it will be emotional but your mum will be proud of you making the trip. Looking forward to hearing all about it xxx
Hi All,
Thank you. I’m here and I can’t stop crying. I miss Mum so much and wondering if this is all a bit much too soon. Tiredness doesn’t help I know but just feel so so sad. Everyone’s looking forward to tomorrow and I’m just feeling devastated. Hence I’ve retreated here. Saw a card in an airport that said something like everyone needs their mom, it’s just everywhere isn’t it and am feeling really really robbed and it’s that realisation like you’ve said Ann that I really am never going to see here again. Somehow got to get through tomorrow which starts in about 6 hours. Anyway thanks for listening as always sorry it’s such a down post but I miss her so much. Xxx
Good to know you have arrived. Get yourself some sleep if you can and maybe that will help. Being tired is awful and being in a new place. Your Mum would be so excited for you that you have managed to make this trip. I think you won’t be the only one to have a cry tomorrow.
Not a down post at all, it is naturally going to be difficult.
Mel is right. It is natural to feel emotional and that is what this forum is for! It is a big deal what you are doing but sure some sleep and some exciting new people to meet will help.
Sod the greeting card industry. They are just there to profit from emotions. Your mum is with you. Just in a different way. She made you who you are and nobody can take that away from you or the love you feel for her. Treasure her love. It may be all we have now but some people are not as lucky as we were to have amazing mums.
My mum would say “have fun” to you now you are there.
Good to here you are there safely. Hope you managed a quick snooze at least. Now the day is underway, hopefully it is going well and, as everyone often says on here, the anticipation is perhaps more stressful than when the day starts. It will be very emotional for you but really hoping you find lots of happy time too.
Well hello lovelies! Thank you all so much for being there again when I really needed you. I read your messages when I woke up the next morning (not that I slept much) and they really helped. I was an absolute mess that night took something to calm me down in the end.
Well after that I kept occupied and did a lot of the driving and when we arrived it was very emotional but then it all became amazing!!! Met 4 new aunties and uncles, 7 new cousins! All opened me with welcome arms. Then met some of mums would have been cousins and their families and they all want me to go back and stay with them all! Saw what would have been my grandfathers house, grave and saw pics of great grandparents that I’d gave never have been able to have ever seen. The spookiest thing of all was seeing his grave and the dates on it. He was born on the day Mum died and died on the day I was born. I do wish Mum could have been with me as I think she’d have been so pleasantly surprised and I know that she’d now be so so grateful to them for welcoming me. Amazing trip that started as a nightmare as my stomach was churning and I felt so I’ll witn nerves and upset but once we got there it really changed. I’m so so happy to have met them and they’re messaging every day! I’ve gone from hardly any family to a massive one and it’s loveky just sad they’re so far away.
Hope you’re all ok and been coping as best you can? Let me know how you all are!
And huge thanks!!! Xx
Just settling down to sleep and your message pinged up. What an exciting trip you had, it sounds absolutely wonderful and all your new family as well. I bet you are so glad now you went, your Mum would have been thrilled.
I’m so pleased your trip went well! Your mum would be super proud of you doing something like that. Some people wouldn’t have had the courage to do it but you did Now you have a whole new family to support you. That is so lovely. New positive memories being made for a new chapter of your life. Xx
I met one of my mum’s friends yesterday who I don’t know and she was so happy to see me. It was very touching. She said it was the start of a “new chapter” and that stuck with me.
I’m struggling at the moment to be honest. I’m snapping at my husband and just feel so alone without my mum and dad there to back me up. The people, (you all included!), that I didn’t know before this grim chapter of my life who are there to support me the most seem to be people I would least expect. It is so odd but I am so greatful you on here and those other random people who have popped up are too. Sounds like you have a telephone book full of support now Lucy so that is fab. I think we all need as much support as we can get. Xx
Sorry to see you are struggling at the moment, it really is such an emotional rollercoaster I find. I have been feeling very empty inside the last few days. This after a lovely evening last Friday when I went to a concert back where I used to live. Met the singer afterwards, got a CD signed, a cuddle and a kiss. I was on a high for 48 hours after so it is a huge down to earth for me.
On a happier note I met two cats last week that I am hoping to home. Beautiful boy and girl though very nervous. They will be company for me in the winter, someone to show me a bit of affection which is what I find I miss so much. Mum and I were not very tactile but knowing there was someone to talk when I felt awful is what I miss the most.
I agree, the people I have ‘met’ on here are the ones who show the real sympathy. Real life people are and have been too quick to forget.
So funny you should mention cats. We’ve just added a kitten to our home! My patents got my son all the things he needed for a cat for his birthday just before my dad died. Cat bed etc…With everything that happened, we never got round to getting the cat but now we have.
You are so right. It is the unconditional love that is so hard to lose and what I was hoping to get from a pet. Not going to plan so far as she is a complete nut case…wish she was a timid sort to be honest but instead she’s wild. Keeps going up the chimney and scratching etc…think I’ve got my work cut out with her… but yes, she should certainly make the dark cold months more entertaining.
Isn’t it odd how you can go from a high to a low so quickly. It is certainly a rollercoaster ride I wish non of us had the ticket for.
Hi Mel, Ann & Jayne,
Well I’m joining you in the I’m struggling club! Off work again as just not coping. I wish you all were coping but it’s nice to be completely alone and have this support. Sorry you’ve come down with a bang Mel after a lovely time. I’m sure the kitten will give you that unconditional love Ann, just bear with the crazy mite! I’m a mad cat woman and mine keeps me sane for sure! He’s been snoring all afternoon and is now off on his travels!
Must be the time to get low I think! Had a lovely time away but it was emotional and they’ve all been in touch since I’ve been back which is lovely but I still miss them and going from being pretty much no family to all of these people is quite overwhelming.
I’m glad we are all mad cat women together now though!!!
Xxx
I miss Mum so much. I kind of thought it was too good to be true coping so well for so long and then bang I’m off on the emotional rollercoaster again. Woke up this morning and just felt so sad. Went for blood tests yesterday as have a thyroid issue anyway but with everything that’s been happening I’ve not been for my regular check ups as Mum was more important so that might have gone a bit haywire but had to go back to the hospital where she died. I’ve been back before but this time was different it was like I was there only yesterday dropping her off for her check ups st the door. Was very surreal. Just in a daze really when I went in. I’m pleased I can go in there and be ok but I d almost disacociated it from Mum.
If you want another, let me know. She’s driving me mad!
Oh Lucy, I feel for you, as ever.
It hits you sideways when you appear on the outside to be coping then have a set back. A kind relative called me the other day during a particularly low mood and I said I didn’t know how to cope but she reminded me that I was coping. She’s right. We are all putting one foot in front of the other and we are all coping. It is sad, it is hard and it is awful but we are all functioning so for that we need to be proud. Our mum’s and my dad would be I’m sure.
Let’s remember all the times we have felt so low in the past. We got through the bleak times and we will get through this one too as we are all here to drag each other back up again. Xx
I found going away so hard. No one to tell what I was doing day to day as usually I would call my mum and also reality hits again when you get back home. Sure that’s got something to do with your current lows Lucy and Mel.
Thanks Ann, it’s exactly as you say the whole having no one to talk to like j used to with Mum is very difficult. I wanted to tell her about the trip and everyday I think I should tell Mum about that, then realise I can’t & wont ever be able to until I meet her again on the other side! I’m not religious but I do long to see her again one day.
Glad you’ve had some support from a relative and yes we are all coping somehow. Just have times when things are worse. I thought being off work may have helped but I still wake up with this horrible feeling in my stomach and throat.
I just miss her so much and it’ll be 9 months in September - how on earth is that possible? It’s unreal and the past 8 months have just been a blur.
Sorry not in a good place so don’t want to depress you all anymore!!!
Hope you’re all having relaxing and better weekends xx
Now you have a whole new family to support you. That is so lovely. New positive memories being made for a new chapter of your life. Xx