It’s not depressing us. That is what we are here for and what you and everyone else here has been here for. That sentance doesn’t make sense…but hopefully you know what I mean.
Are you off work for a set length of time? Not having your usual routine I find is even harder. Blank time leaves you time to think and go over everything. Just be kind and patient with yourself. Xx
I’m still just plodding on at the moment. Keep going to my mum and dads house and putting the odd thing in a charity bag but not really making any progress. I worry that I’m in a sort of denial as it just feels so unreal. I guess I hope that if I just keep tinkering with their belongings I will be able to clear things gradually so it is not so painful but it is easier said than done. As you all know. Xx
Hi Ann,
Thanks so much. Yes until next week. I feel so tired it’s mad. I couldn’t concentrate last week at work at all but I do feel stronger this week. But then there’s dad. I so wish we could get on better. It sounded like you had a lovely relationship with yours. I wish I had that. Mine’s been telling me I’m ‘mental’ and because he has to ‘deal’ with me he can’t go on his holidays! I really don’t know where to go from here to be honest as if that’s the way he feels then I think it’s best I distance myself. It’s so hurtful & just makes me realise that I am on my own. Well if I can get through all of this I can face anything!
It must be strange with your parents house but there’s no rush just do things at your pace. I ended up doing mums very quickly but that was best for me. Sometimes I can act a bit too quick and then regret stuff after so just do things your way and no one else’s! How are you feeling about possibly moving there one day? I know you’ve mentionef it before & know it may be years off but have you had anymore thoughts about it? How’s the kitten crazy cat lady?!
My cat is still keeping me sane bless him! He talks non stop which is lovely!
I am sorry that you are all struggling at the moment.
Ann, you are still at such an early stage of not having your mum around so it is understandable you will be struggling. Just keep going from one day to the next and that is all you need to do for now. Take your time with your parents things and do it at your own pace if you feel that you need time to reflect on whether you will move in to your parents home.
Mel, you have had something to look forward to and now it is over it sounds as if there is the slump after for you. Perhaps you can book another treat as something to focus on and look forward to. I have seen your posts about cheer up treats and this does seem a good idea.
Lucy, so pleased your trip went really well. I think possibly after the intensity of the build up to the trip and then coming home and returning to work will have been all too much for you so it is not surprising you are having to take some time off work. Hopefully you will have been able to recharge this week a bit. I know that unbelievable tiredness all too well, think it is all part of what we are going through, it really does take its toll.
Ann and Lucy I am so jealous of you as cat ladies and of you Mel as a cat lady to be!
I struggle to see the point of things anymore (apart from the cats!) but am plodding on.
Lucy, this is the perfect chance for a rest for you. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t worry about your dad. I am sure things will settle down when you have taken a bit of time out for yourself.
I see all the negatives in people now, probably simply because they are not my mum or dad but they were not perfect either so I have to remember that. My mum always saw the positives in people and she even wrote me a note to tell me to do the same. I’m so lucky she faced death openly and tried to give me words of wisdom to carry me through.
Fingers crossed work will be ok next week for you. Keep us posted. Kitten/teenager cat is still a fruit loop!
Hi Jayne. Glad you are around and thanks for the words of wisdom too. I’m ignoring the house question this week as it just seems too big a topic to think about but at least I am not putting pressure on myself for once. I know what you mean about not seeing the point in things. I’m the same. It helps with decision making about small things now as everything seems black and white.
Having i-pad problems so have been a bit quiet the last few days. Have lost gmail somehow and google so have problems picking up messages and alerts. Anyone who knows how to fix would be very grateful as would save me a trip to the Apple store and ridicule from the lads there. Sure to laugh at my foolishness and charge me the earth to fix it!
Yes I would say take it as slowly as you need to clearing your Mum’s house Ann. It is a horrible job at the best of times and even worse when you are going through it in such circumstances. I am just over a year in my new house having cleared Mums and moved out. I gave up in the end and told the removal people to pack everything that remained and I would go through it at my leisure. Still doing so and don’t regret the decision. I keep a charity bag on each floor of the house and throw things in as I make a decision about them. Other things which I might have rejected a year ago I want to keep. What to do with Mum’s wedding dress though?
Lucy, I am so sorry your Dad is not being very sympathetic. People can be so horrible at times. I am still keeping my distance from my sister as when we are together it is only a matter of minutes before she comes out with something unpleasant. I cannot cope with her vitriol, there seems to have been a jealousy I wasn’t aware of before Mum passing away which has come out now.
Yes I need another treat! I am going to lunch with my new cats’ foster ‘Mum’ next week to see the cats again and chat. Am waiting on the house check but have been told I am passing with flying colours so far. Possibility of a day trip to Paris for work next month as well which would be great. Even a couple of hours wandering around would be lovely. A city I like a lot, Mum went with my Grandfather in the 1950s and I have photos of them both there. We took Mum there as a surprise for her 70th birthday and had a wonderful weekend there, gosh is 25 years ago!
Off out for a walk. Need fresh air to clear my head as feeling achy and the all pervading tiredness we are all experiencing.
Hi Mel, Claire and Tina
Thank you for your support when I was unwell and during my subsequent absence. I am pleased to let you know that I am now in a good place after undergoing an emotional and nervous breakdown after dad passing away. Darkest days of my life but with good and trusted support I am back with a lot more strength and in a place where I find appreciation . I hope you are all doing and coping ok?
I have had a roller coaster journey which everyone who experiences grief goes through but coming out the other side is hard work after a complete meltdown and hospitalisation but it can be done.
I no longer feel sadness, pain or heartache, I feel gratitude. Gratitude for having a wonderful dad, gratitude for being alive and gratitude for having a future and one which I am now looking forward to. Life is precious and is for the living so choosing to appreciate every moment and every day of my life and being grateful is now where I am at. I still have a connection with my dad and always will have for eternity but I choose it in living and not on focusing on death and bereavement.
I have just booked a world cruise and will be taking a year off work to focus on what is important in life so I am excited and looking forward to my life’s adventures and knowing my dad would be happy that I chose this way of commemorating his life rather than wallowing in my own self pity and living in perpetual misery and grief. So new beginnings and also a new man alongside me. The right people enter your life when you least expect it lol
I wish all of you love, peace and happiness
Lyn
xxx
Hi Mel, Claire and Tina
Thank you for your support when I was unwell and during my subsequent absence. I am pleased to let you know that I am now in a good place after undergoing an emotional and nervous breakdown after dad passing away. Darkest days of my life but with good and trusted support I am back with a lot more strength and in a place where I find appreciation . I hope you are all doing and coping ok?
I have had a roller coaster journey which everyone who experiences grief goes through but coming out the other side is hard work after a complete meltdown and hospitalisation but it can be done.
I no longer feel sadness, pain or heartache, I feel gratitude. Gratitude for having a wonderful dad, gratitude for being alive and gratitude for having a future and one which I am now looking forward to. Life is precious and is for the living so choosing to appreciate every moment and every day of my life and being grateful is now where I am at. I still have a connection with my dad and always will have for eternity but I choose it in living and not on focusing on death and bereavement.
I have just booked a world cruise and will be taking a year off work to focus on what is important in life so I am excited and looking forward to my life’s adventures and knowing my dad would be happy that I chose this way of commemorating his life rather than wallowing in my own self pity and living in perpetual misery and grief. So new beginnings and also a new man alongside me. The right people enter your life when you least expect it lol
I wish all of you love, peace and happiness
Lyn
xxx
For anyone reading this thread
Your loved one’s are and will always be a shining guiding light in your life and that light will never extinguish so follow that light and shine it back as bright as you can and treasure every moment and live in joy because that’s the gift your loved one gave you xxx
Great to hear from you. I am really glad for you that you are feeling better. You have had a rough time of it and sound as if you have some exciting times ahead of you.
A world cruise, have a wonderful time. Your Dad will be cheering you on, you will indeed be commemorating his memory.
Hello Lynn Goodness me, what on Earth made me log onto this thread on this particular day to see your heart-warming post. I hadn’t logged in since my last reply all that time ago. For some uncanny reason I had actually remembered you this week once or twice and wondered how you’d been doing. It’s brilliant you received such fantastic professional care from the medical field and your wonderful friend that posted on your behalf. And now you have a God given gift of both a new man in your life and renewed inner tranquility to look to the future with. Look after yourself Lyn. Pleased you are so much “better”.
Hi Mel
Thank you.
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get back on track and be able to cope and deal with what life throws at you. I was fortunate and am fortunate that I found the right people to help me when I needed it most.
Hope you are ok and looking after yourself
xx
Tina
Wow that’s bizarre! Thank you for thinking of me, I hope you are doing ok and taking care of yourself?
Mandy and her husband have been a god send and my new boyfriend (sounds strange saying this) has given me a new zest for life. He’s been my rock and could not have come into my life at a better time. I could talk about him non stop but I will spare you lol!
The care I have received has truly restored my faith in people and I owe it to myself, my dad and them to truly embrace this wonderful gift of life we have.
I am so glad we made contact with other other and I will keep in touch.
I am limiting my time in talking about bereavement and grief and the loss of my dad and the past as my recovery is about focusing on living and enjoying life but will pop in from time to time.
Take care and sending you much love
xxx
Hi Lynn, yes please keep in touch. I’d love to hear how the cruise goes. You’ve made some excellent decisions in your plan for recovery. There’s no need to reply to this message as yes, I very much agree with you about limiting time spent talking about bereavement and the reasoning behind it. Things really sound as though they are going to be ok and that’s great news. All the best and look forward to speaking again in the future xx
Hi Tina
You are such a kind soul and always thinking of others and I want to offer you some advice from my breakdown and coming through the other side and it’s also because I care about you and the world cares about you and most importantly your husband loves and cares about you.There is no way around grief, no coping, no avoidance, no plodding on, no up’s and down’s, you have to confront it head on and most importantly grow and learn from it. Death does not separate us from our loved one’s and the love we felt and the love we will always feel. Love is eternal and we have to learn to connect with our loved one’s in a different way from their physical form and this is what they want us to do. In order to do this we have to let go. This is what they want and need us to do. The physical cord has to be severed, just like giving birth when the umbilical cord is cut. Love has to be free and we owe it to our loved one’s to set them free and ourselves. It’s called unconditional love. Grief are the handcuffs that tie us down and serve no purpose other than pain and heartache and trapped between 2 world’s. This one and theirs. Take your husband’s love and give it to you and go and live this life you have been given and make every second of it count. Lots of love
xxxx
I am not too bad, looking forward to a trip to Paris in a couple of weeks time. Only a day there and is partly for work but will be a bit of a jolly as well.
I went to see a family friend today who I haven’t seen for a while. Had a lovely time chatting and reminiscing about Mum and Dad which has done me a lot of good. I came home this evening feeling brighter than I had been for ages.
Thanks for asking Jayne. I’ve kept meaning to post so good to check in. How are you doing?
Sounds like you are on an up wave Mel. That’s good to hear. Paris is a good place to be off to, especially if work are paying!
I’m still plodding. I seem to get so much more emotional at “that time of the month” then settle down a bit. Guess hormones effect emotions too.
It’s such a strange rollercoaster but I’m beginning to realise I’m strapped into the carriage and have just got to go with it. I burst out crying in a meeting earlier today then just pushed my mascara back up my face and carried on. I don’t even care where I cry now. If they can’t handle it, I don’t want to work with them
Our kitten is proving a distraction. She’s nuts and a handful but it certainly brings a new dimension to the house…
I started writing again in a note book I’d started when my dad died to capture memories but then never had the time to fill it in as I was looking after my mum. I’m so paranoid about forgetting things!
How are the post holiday blues going Lucy? I’ve been thinking about you.
Hi All,
Sorry for the gap, I’ve not stopped again. First day I didn’t get up before 6.30am today since August 27th am done in! I am ok thanks, went to see mums friends for 4 days down south last week/weekend and straight back to work after being off again. They’re being difficult. Now got my birthday to face! Not looking forward to it. Anyway I will reply properly Tuesday as got to be up again at 6 urgh pfft! Hope you are all ok though and coping xx
